Stupidest Xmas Song


Active Member
I was enjoying a scotch or six with friends the other day and the talk turned to matters of deep philosophical importance.
Why are so many Xmas songs so d*mn stupid?

I mean, some of them don't even have anything to do with Xmas. Take Fairytale of New York, I song that I like very much, but is it right to play something containing the lyric:
"you scumbag you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot, Merry Christmas yer a**e I pray God it's our last"
at a time of universal peace and joy to all mankind?

And Kate Bush's "Wuthering Heights"? What's that all about?

Baaadger humbug :x


Hmm, so is the question Stupiest or most annying? Well, either way my notinations are:

"I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" and "Grandma Got Run Over by A Rheindeer."

As for why they are so stupid, I'd have to guess it has something to do with cash.


Active Member
Never heard of either of those two, Ray! I think we'll need enlightening - care to sing them?

I agree that Fairytale of NY has daft lyrics - but class song nonetheless. I'm actually considerin arranging it if enough folks are keen. Most just have seriously cheesey lyrics don't they - crackin' cheese Gromit!

BTW was Wuthering Heights a chrimbo song? Well I never!

Rach x


Active Member
cornetgirl said:
I agree that Fairytale of NY has daft lyrics - but class song nonetheless. I'm actually considerin arranging it if enough folks are keen.

Rach x

Lovely! Can't see my MD going for that though... you arrange it and we can play it at the next tMP event! Good solid part for #2 horn though, please. 8)

Wuthering Heights seems to be on in all the shops, pubs, railway stations I've been on in the last month or so, so someone somewhere thinks it's a crimbo song.



cornetgirl said:
Never heard of either of those two, Ray! I think we'll need enlightening - care to sing them?

Well Rach, I'd love to, but I've found it's really hard to sing across the internet (I'm sure one of our techno-geekier members would find that statement laughable.) anyway, love to, can't. But if you google the titles they come up with the lyrics and some midi and mave fiels, (sorry didn't have time to check them all out).

BTW, didn't catch your reference to "crackin' cheese gromit." I'm thinking a cheese gromit must be a fixture one runs one's cheese through so it doesn't get frayed, or tear that which one is attempting for pass one's cheese through, but the again, I think I may be wrong and the meaning has gotten lost in "trans-pond-ification." (that is what happens to the meaning when a phrase gets sent across the pond.)


Active Member
I've never understood the song "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth."

Are you saying that:

1) Someone else has my two front teeth?

2) That I want the rest of my teeth taken out?

3) That I'm so happy with life in general, I'd be satisfied to have my two front teeth ripped out without anesthetic, gift wrapped, and placed beneath my tree with a sticker saying "Do not open until Christmas", and receive nothing else, not even a lump of coal?


Staff member
EIBB_Ray said:
BTW, didn't catch your reference to "crackin' cheese gromit."

Wallace and Grommit were characters devised by the film-maker Nick Park, who went on to produce the film "Chicken Run", which you might have heard of. Much was made of their fondness for Wensleydale cheese (I think that's right!).

Dave Payn

Active Member
Still, I'm sure okiedoke at least will have heard of Hey Santa Claus by a certain Kevin Wilson. I was about to say 'not your bog standard Christmas song lyrics' but perhaps they are 'bog standard' in a sense! :)

Okiedokie of Oz

Active Member
You want Aussie Lyrics?? Try this on for size!!

Dashing through the bush,
in a rusty Holden Ute,
Kicking up the dust,
esky in the boot,
Kelpie by my side,
singing Christmas songs,
It's Summer time and I am in
my singlet, shorts and thongs

Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,
Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut !,
Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute.

Give us a hoi if you want a translation!!

Mrs Fruity

White Christmas grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I get shivers of trepidation around the 20th November every year!!
And try living with a bass player who's had no front teeth since he was twelve and see if you like Christmas Swingalong then!


the xmas song that always gets me is: "All i want for christmas is my two front teeth"... I hate it, its the childish wishing for stupid things that will be coming anyway thing, if that makes any sence


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