Stupid Quotes


Supporting Member
Stupid Quotes

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.
- Mariah Carey, pop singer

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents

The police are not here to create disorder. They're here to preserve disorder."
- Former Chicago mayor Daley during the infamous 1968 Democratic Party convention

China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.
- Former French President Charles de Gaulle

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.
- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

The Internet is a great way to get on the Net.
- Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before
- Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower

Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas
- Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.... The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.
- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22

"It's like an Alcatraz around my neck."
- Boston mayor Menino on the shortage of city parking spaces

Half this game is ninety percent mental.
- Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

They're multi-purpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off.
- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1,000 for an ordinary pair of pliers

It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe.
- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign

The president has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
- Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on "Larry King Live"

After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.
- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island

That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it.
- A congressional candidate in Texas

Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.
- General William Westmoreland, during the war in Viet Nam

James Yelland

Well-Known Member
John Major:

"When my back is to the wall, I turn round and fight".

Sir Thomas Beecham, when asked whether he had conducted any Schoenberg:

"No, but I've trodden in some".

Norman Fowler, the Tory health secretary at the time of the onset of the Aids crisis, when his civil servants had to explain to him what oral sex was:

(mopping brow) "Crikey!"


Active Member
:lol: I nearly sprayed a mouthful of chocolate all over my keyboard!

Umm.. no, I'm not eating chocolate, no sireee, I was just tasting it to see what it was like... :shock:


found these gems!

"A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on."
-Samuel Goldwyn

"Please provide the date of your death."
-from an IRS letter

"We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover."
-Parish Magazine

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst

Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."
-Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel

"I've read about foreign policy and studied, I now know the number of continents."
-George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor

and how about these pearls of nothingness from Sir Bobby 'havnt got a clue where i am' Robson

"We didn't underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought"
- Sir Bobby after England sneaked through against Cameroon in the 1990
World Cup.

"Look at those olive trees. They're two hundred years old - from
before the time of Christ!" - Sir Bobby illustrates how great life is in

"I played cricket for my local village. It was 40 overs per side, and
the team that had the most runs won. It was that sort of football

"If we start counting our chickens before they hatch, they won't lay
any eggs in the basket"

"I would have given my right arm to be a pianist"

"I do want to play the short ball and I do want to play the long ball.
I think long and short balls is what football is all about"

"Everyone's got tough games coming up. Manchester United have got
Arsenal, Arsenal have got Manchester United and Leeds have got Leeds"

"Manchester United will find it very intimidating with 100 screaming
fans in the Bernabeu"

Carl Cort" - Sir Bobby's name for Shola Ameobi
"Kevin Dyer" - Sir Bobby's name for Kieron Dyer.

Alan Brazil: "I'm delighted to say we've got Sir Bobby Robson on the
end of the phone, fresh from getting his knighthood at Buckingham Palace.
Bobby, terrific news."

Sir Bobby Robson: "What is?"

Brazil: "You know, getting the old sword on the shoulder from Prince

Sir Bob: Eh? [Long pause] "Oh yeah... well, it was a day I'll never

sry for going on just got A BIT BORED :D

James Yelland

Well-Known Member
A very old one, but still funny:

David Coleman, football commentator:

"United are buzzing around the goalmouth like angry red bluebottles".

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