Southern Jokes

Dave Payn

Active Member
An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "'Bout what?"

Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?"
"Jes' some chickens."
"If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?"
"Shoot, if ya guesses right, I'll give you both of 'em!"
"OK. Ummmmm...five?"

An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here-muh house is on fahr!"
"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Shucks, don't you fellers still have those big red trucks?"

Why do folks in Kentucky go to R-rated movies in groups of 18 or more?
Because they heard 17 and under aren't admitted.

Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32?
They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

Where was the toothbrush invented?
Arkansas. If it were invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

A new law was recently passed in North Carolina so that when a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.

What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
No matter what, somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.

How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead.

Dave Payn

Active Member
If you know any, fire away! I originallt hail from (ahem!)..... Catford...... (as in the Barron Knights skit on the Smurfs: 'Why do you all talk this way'? 'Coz we're from Catford, ain't we, ay')

Still, in the mean time

A Yorkshireman went to the doctor and complained that he felt something was stuck up his backside but couldn't work it out (ahem!)

The Doctor examined him and pulled out a five pound note.

'Ee' says the Yorkshireman' I could do with the extra cash'

'Hold on', says the doctor: 'There's more': and he pulls out a £10 note. This goes on for the best part of an hour and eventually the doctor finishes fishing the money out.

'How much is there, doc'?

'You're a lucky man, I found £1,995'

'Eee, I knew I weren't feeling too grand'.....

I await the spate of Londoner gags in return......

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