Rite proper pleez

JessopSmythe

Active Member
In the past, there's been some debate on here about the use of proper English. Most of these have been about the use of "txt spk" and about the (mis)use of punctuation. I've just found a wonderful example that shows just how important punctuation really is.

The following letters use exactly the same words but convey absolute opposite meanings.

Dear Jack,
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy - will you let me be yours?
Jill


Dear Jack,
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men I yearn! For you I have no feeling whatsoever. When we're apart I can be for ever happy. Will you let me be?
Yours, Jill
 

Big Twigge

Active Member
There's a book around at the moment thats all about the incorrect use of punctuation...
The panda eats, shoots and leaves or
The panda eats shoots and leaves

Or something along those lines!
 

Maestro

Active Member
Big Twigge said:
The panda eats, shoots and leaves or
The panda eats shoots and leaves

Anyone else know the joke I'm thinking of here?
Would post it, but fear very much that it would soon be deleted :twisted:
 

James Yelland

Active Member
It's like the ambiguous reference from one employer to another:

"She was always trying, and we will be glad to see her back".
 

James Yelland

Active Member
amgray said:
I'm interested to know what the book is called. Please?
It's called Eats, Shoots and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Guide to Punctuation, by Lynne Truss. Published by Profile Books.
 

Accidental

Supporting Member
Its a fab book, well worth a read if you know anything about using English properly! Maybe we could get tMM to add educational excerpts to the tMP library......
 

Seedhouse

Active Member
Is the book really called that!?

And Maestro if it's the one i'm thinking of, it would soon definately get deleted! :shock: :roll: :wink:
 

Big Twigge

Active Member
It's next on my list of books to read. I just have to finish learning about being a fabulous girl with decorum, then I'll be learning about punctuation...so many educational resources!
 

PeterBale

Moderator
Staff member
Talking of dodgy punctuation, I recall being quite excited when I came across a refence to Benjamin Britten's "Serenade for tenor horn and strings".

And of course there is Frank Muir's immortal "What is this thing called, love?"
 

geordiecolin

Active Member
Seedhouse said:
Is the book really called that!?

And Maestro if it's the one i'm thinking of, it would soon definately get deleted! :shock: :roll: :wink:
A panda walked into a cafe. He ordered a sandwich, ate it, then pulled out a gun and shot the waiter. 'Why?' groaned the injured man. The panda shrugged, tossed him a badly punctuated wildlife manual and walked out. And sure enough, when the waiter consulted the book, he found an explanation. 'Panda,' read the entry for his assailant. 'Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.'
 

Chunky

Active Member
geordiecolin said:
Seedhouse said:
A panda walked into a cafe. He ordered a sandwich, ate it, then pulled out a gun and shot the waiter. 'Why?' groaned the injured man. The panda shrugged, tossed him a badly punctuated wildlife manual and walked out. And sure enough, when the waiter consulted the book, he found an explanation. 'Panda,' read the entry for his assailant. 'Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.'
Not quite the version I know!
 

Maestro

Active Member
[quote="Chunky
Not quite the version I know![/quote]

If I remember rightly, you were the one that told me when we had that quintet job at the pub mate.
 

Chunky

Active Member
[/quote]

If I remember rightly, you were the one that told me when we had that quintet job at the pub mate.[/quote]

May well have been. However best joke of the night was my horn playing!
 

Maestro

Active Member
Chunky said:
May well have been. However best joke of the night was my horn playing!
Wrong mate. Biggest joke that night was trying to follow Alan's instructions on how to get there!!
 
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