Probably done the rounds before

[Dave Payn]

Chicago Symphony Orchestra
>Selection Committee
>220 S. Michigan Avenue
>Chicago, Illinois
>
>Gentlemen:
>
>I wish to apply immediately for the job of Second Trombone and I already have the two trombones. Although I have not played much in an
>orchestra, I have played along with lots of classic (no vocal) records.
>I found that if I slowed them up a little that the songs automatically
>went into the flat keys which are much easier, but I think I could do
>the sharp keys in a short time. I was a student for several years of
>Mr. Remington (Buck, not Emory) and then went with the circus band where >my tone really got great. You don't have to worry about me being able >to blast through on the Vogner stuff, that's for sure. After I watched >"10", I got out my horn and worked up a really great solo on "Bolero", >(do you know that there is a dance by this name too?) but I still have >trouble knowing when to come in with the record. Does your arrangement sound the same all the way through, too?

Anyway, I know that if I get the job that the people in Chicago will like my version which is do-wop.
>
>Would I have to sit real close to the violins? They never seem to play
>very loud and my tone sort of cuts off if I have to play too soft so it
>would be best if I could sit in front of the drums, like in the circus
>band. Also, I'd kind of like to sit on the outside so that people could
>see me.
>
>I am practicing every day for the audition and am working on a new thing called legato, but it's still a little smeary. I think you'll like it
>though. But, if your music is anything like this Rubank stuff, it will
>be a challenge to me -teck--techininuque--tequch- ability. There is a
>position on trombones called 5th, but hardly any notes are there. Does
>your music have many of these notes and if so, what are they? I'd like
>to know all of this before I pay bus fare down to Chicago and how much
>does the job pay?
>
>I'm really looking forward to coming down, but why would I have to play
>behind a screen in the winter?
>
>Sincerely,
>
>Slide Rafferty
>
>P.S. I have lots of music stands and probably have one like you guys
>use, so that would be a cost saving.--

 

[John Brooks]

It might have been around before, but that was the first for me. Scary enough to be true, although probably not in Chicago! :wink: :dunno

 

[bigmamabadger]

Here's one that is actually true (I know because I worked for said student's supervisor later on).

PhD student goes into his viva exam carrying large bottle of whisky.
He's asked the usual questions and asked to provide the usual defence of his thesis.

After some while one of the panel has had enough and can't contain his curiosity any more.

"Young man, I see you have a very nice bottle of single malt there, very commendable, but hardly appropriate for a viva. May I ask why you brought it with you?"

There is a short pause. The student stands up.

"Gentlemen, if you had read my thesis as far as page 74 you would see in bold type the words "If you have read this far you are entitled to a bottle of whisky" Since none of you know why I have brought this bottle with me, it is obvious that none of you have read as far as page 74 of my thesis which makes this viva acomplete farce.

Please re schedule my viva for a time when you have bothered to read my thesis. Good day gentlemen"

He passed.
BMB