More Limerick starters

[Dave Payn]

After the excellent first thread (with particularly witty contributions from Peter Bale and lynchie) try these for size....


'I once met a brass band conductor,' (tempting, I know....)

'I went out and bought a straight mute,'

'The Mouthpiece, the brass forum site,' (Behave, Payn...)

'The thing about brass bands down south,'

 

[PeterBale]

I once met a brass band conductor
Who sat on a horse, but it bucked her;
She fell on a cornet,
Said "Oh dear, that's torn it" -
The Committee immediately chucked her.

I went out and bought a straight mute,
The reason? - I thought it looked cute -
But, though it was funny,
I'd wasted my money -
Forgotten I'm now playing flute!

The Mouthpiece, the brass forum site,
Once gave everyone there a fright;
The postings were frozen,
'Cause someone had chosen
To switch off the server all night.

 

[PeterBale]

The thing about brass bands down south,
They always feel down in the mouth:
'Gainst bands from the north
They can only come fourth -
P'rhaps they should all move to Louth!

 

[lynchie]

I went out and bought a straight mute,
For the colour went well with my suit,
The rest of the band,
Said it clashed with my stand,
But it made a quite wonderful toot.

 

[frisp]

The Mouthpiece, the Brass forum site,
gives sad peeps like me a small fright,
We play Bb bass
and think it quite ace
that limericks give some folks delight!!!!

Lynchie, you're my God!!!!!!!!!

It's nice to see the limerick being recognised as an art form on TmP, I used to shout at the moon with mine and everyone thought me a weirdo

 

[lynchie]

Lynchie, you're my God!!!!!!!!!

Have to say that's a first! Oh and it probably wont stop people calling you weird!!!

 

[frisp]

I once met a brass band conductor
Who laughed as he described his abductor
"I got carried away
By a horn player gay
Who stuck me behind his red back door" :?: :idea: :?:

I went out and bought a straight mute,
It looked in my Bass quite quite cute
I think I have found
Though it cost thirty pound
A horn mute in a Bass doesn't toot

 

[frisp]

As mama used to say, weird is as weid does...

Chocolate..?

 

[lynchie]

The Mouthpiece, the brass forum site
Is a place of much varied delight
While banders will grin
When they go out and win
If they lose its the judge being tight

 

[johnflugel]

I once met a brass band conductor,
Who Illinois Brass looked up to,
He minced round the stand,
Like a puff down the strand,
yet still beat two bands who are done for


John
Rothwell Temps

p.s nothing personal intended to homosexuals, cwmaman or Carlton Main!

 

[johnflugel]

I went out and bought a straight mute,
then went to Queensberry via the usual route,
the mute was cold but the conductor said 'be bold...
and make Nimrod a quieter toot!'

John
Rothwell Temps

 

[johnflugel]

The thing about brass bands down south,
From Kettering through to Bournemouth,
In big contests they're poor,Northern bands to the fore,
It's a miracle if they come above 12th

John
Rothwell Temps (12th at the Masters, so I can't be too serious!)

 

[timbloke]

'I once met a brass band conductor,' (tempting, I know....)
On an open top bus "costs ten-buck" tour
his baton he waved
at the people he'd saved
by riding around on his good luck hor(se)

well it kinda works.


'I went out and bought a straight mute,'
a black one the colour of sooooot
made by dennis wick
it started to click
when i kicked it around with my fooooot


'The Mouthpiece, the brass forum site,' (Behave, Payn...)
is full of things brass banders write
it fills up each day
with the words that they say
so much now i can't sleep at night


'The thing about brass bands down south,'
is the words that they use are so rouwth ["rough" - in an essex accent]
they're geezers daaan there
"innit", "maaaan", "oi! me hair"
they like spitting such things thing from their mouth!

[disclaimer, i am actually a southerner and grew up in a southern band - yeah innit!!]

 

[lynchie]

I once met a brass band conductor
Whose wife played the flute so he chucked her
He found a new girl
Who gave tuba a whirl
And she screamed like a sop when he plucked her...







...eyebrows...

Sorry, it's just so hard to come up with family friendly rhyming lines!

 

[The Cornet King]

The thing about Brass bands down south,
Is when they put the instruments to their mouth,
The sound's so sadistic,
It drives everyone ballistic,
Though what do you expect, they are from the south.

 

[Lothianh]

I once met a brass band conductor,
Who Illinois Brass looked up to,
He minced round the stand,
Like a puff down the strand,
yet still beat two bands who are done for

[snip]

p.s nothing personal intended to homosexuals, cwmaman or Carlton Main!

Towards the Illinois Brass Band, however.....??

BTW, you can see the IBB and their MD at the U.S. Open Brass Band Championships next weekend - November 8.

www.prairiebrass.org/usopen

-Lothian

 

[DublinBass]

I once met a brass band conductor,
Who Illinois Brass looked up to,
He minced round the stand,
Like a puff down the strand,
yet still beat two bands who are done for

That just made my day :lol:

Here's one ...

The Mouthpiece, the brass forum site
where I am at often late at night
I will amuse my self
(with spending wealth)
saving me a sad, unfortunate plight

 

[Lothianh]

I once met a brass band conductor,
Who Illinois Brass looked up to,
He minced round the stand,
Like a puff down the strand,
yet still beat two bands who are done for

That just made my day :lol:

Here's one ...

The Mouthpiece, the brass forum site
where I am at often late at night
I will amuse my self
(with spending wealth)
saving me a sad, unfortunate plight

Mr. Herak has brought back a thread,
That once could be counted as dead.
To say any more might annoy,
Our banding colleagues in Illinois,
Very tempting...but I think I'll just go to bed!

:lol:

-Lothian