Misconstrued headlines -

Dave Payn

Active Member
This has been doing the rounds for a few years (at least!) now but there's always a new audience! And most of them probably made up anyway!

Happy Headlines
===============
English is a marvelously flexible language, much to the chagrin of headline writers everywhere. If any of these headlines seem reasonable, try reading it again in a slightly different way!

1.Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
2.Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
3.Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
4.Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
5.Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
6.Farmer Bill Dies in House
7.Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8.Stud Tires Out
9.Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
10.Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
11.British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
12.Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
13.Eye Drops Off Shelf
14.Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
15.Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
16.Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
17.Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
18.Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
19.Miners Refuse to Work after Death
20.Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
21.Stolen Painting Found by Tree
22.Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
23.Checkout Counter Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
24.Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
25.Drunken Drivers Paid £1000
26.'84 War Dims Hope for Peace
27.If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
28.Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
29.Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
30.Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
31.Deer Kill 17,000
32.Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
33.Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
34.New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
35.Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
36.Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
37.Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
38.Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
39.British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
40.Ban on Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
41.Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
42.Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
43.New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
44.Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
45.Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
46.Air Head Fired
47.Steals Clock; Faces Time
48.Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
49.Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
50.Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
51.Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
52.Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
53.Sex Education Delayed; Teachers Request Training
54.Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
 

Darth_Tuba

Active Member
My dad used to work on a local paper in Liverpool, and one time they were running a story on a member of the local council who was opposed to a new statue (some modern art monstrosity no doubt) being put up in the centre of a town. This allowed them to get away with the headline "Local Councillor Fights Erection In High Street!" :lol:
 

Straightmute

Active Member
When I first bought a copy of our local paper up here, the front page headline read "Harrogate Band Conductor Dies in Car Crash".

It referred to the conductor of a local wind band who had sadly died in his car, but I must admit to being slightly unsettled...

D
 

Aidan

Active Member
Straightmute said:
When I first bought a copy of our local paper up here, the front page headline read "Harrogate Band Conductor Dies in Car Crash".

It referred to the conductor of a local wind band who had sadly died in his car, but I must admit to being slightly unsettled...

D
quick marty, we must fix the flux capacitator and save straightmute.
 
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