Lightbulb Jokes

bigmamabadger

Active Member
I just gotta share this with y'all
BMB

How many news group members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb.

1 to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the
light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light
bulbs.

53 to flame the spell checkers.

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"

... another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive.

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is
"lamp".

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light
bulb" is perfectly correct.

156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in
violation of their "acceptable use policy".

109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take
this discussion to a lightbulb forum.

203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum,
and
lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped.

111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light
bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum.

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where
to
buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this
technique and what brands are faulty.

27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the
corrected URLs.

27 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to
this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.

33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including
all
headers and signatures, and add "Me too".

12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they
cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three".

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.

44 to ask what is a "FAQ"?

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

143 to say "do a search on 'light bulbs' before posting questions about
light bulbs".

1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now
and
to start it all over again.
 

timbloke

Member
How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb....?

Two... One to change the lightbulb and the other to hold the penis.



How many Engineers does it take to change a lightbulb....?

None... cos we are soooo very dull, we never change it....!!


INcidently, my brother told me over christmas, that Philips are only profitable on two products - Electric Shavers and Lightbulbs. Don't know it is true, but the amount i paid for my shaver i could believe it.
 

JessopSmythe

Active Member
How many computer programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they wouldn't get involved in a hardware fault!

Why does it take a women with pmt half an hour to change a lightbulb?
BECAUSE IT *&$@ING DOES. OK!
 

Dave Payn

Active Member
How many college based trumpeters does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the lightbulb and the other four to tell him/her how much better they could have done it.

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to try and change the lightbulb and a passer by who has to clear up the mess and do it him/herself after the drummer tried to rush changing the lightbulb, only to have it smash into smithereens.

:) :)
 

picju96

Member
There's one in this week's Private Eye but couldn't be bothered to type it out, and it's probably illegal anyway.
 

Sellers_Bird

Active Member
How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?????




Two... one to hold the light bulb and the other blonde to spin her/him round!! 8)
 

lynchie

Active Member
how many principal cornets does it take to chamge a light bulb?

just one, he holds it in place and lets the world revolve around him.
 

HBB

Active Member
lynchie said:
how many principal cornets does it take to chamge a light bulb?

just one, he holds it in place and lets the world revolve around him.

:lol: I was gonna write that, but for a Euph Player ;)
 

HBB

Active Member
You're welcome. I've read the stereotypical brass band. I'm 4th man down!!!!! :cry:
 

Steve

Active Member
For the lateral thinkers here is a light bulb related question to work out.

There are 3 lights in the loft and 3 corresponding switches in the basement and there is no way to see the lights when standing at the switches. You may touch the switches only three times in total and you have to establish which switch is for which light, however you cannot leave the basement until you have finished flicking the switches.


I will post the answer in a couple of days.
 
How many men does it take to change a lightbulb (light bulb/light-bulb)?

One- they can screw anything.









(unless its a bayonet fitting of course but then they ask the woman...)
 

MoominDave

Well-Known Member
Which reminds me...

How many brass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

At least two, but God alone knows how we're going to get in there. 8)
 
Steve21 said:
For the lateral thinkers here is a light bulb related question to work out.

There are 3 lights in the loft and 3 corresponding switches in the basement and there is no way to see the lights when standing at the switches. You may touch the switches only three times in total and you have to establish which switch is for which light, however you cannot leave the basement until you have finished flicking the switches.


I will post the answer in a couple of days.

Erm I think -

Turn one on for a few minutes.
Then turn the second one on the rush to the attic
The hot turned on light is the 1st switch, the cold turned on is the second and the off one is the third.

Do I get gold star :D
 

Primary

tMP Assistant
Here are some related products that tMP members are talking about. Clicking on a product will take you to tMP’s partner, Primary, where you can find links to tMP discussions about these products.

 
 
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