Give us a push!

Dave Payn

Active Member
Bit of an oldie (aren't they all....)

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud
pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a
drunken stranger standing in a pouring down rain is asking for a push.

"Not a chance" says the husband - "It's three o'clock in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was it?" asks his wife.

"Just a drunken stranger asking for a push" he answers. "Did you help
him?" she asks.

"NO, I didn't-it's three in the morning and it's pouring out!"

"Well, you've got a short memory" says his wife. "Can't you remember
about three months ago when we broke down on holiday and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him."

The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out into the
pounding rain and calls out into the dark:

"Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes the answer.

"Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes
the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here, on the swing" the drunk replies
So the young nun says to the mother superior " mother, I used terribly bad language yesterday and I'm very sorry"

Really, says the Mother, and why was that?

Well, I was playing golf and had just hit a beuatiful drive, going 250 yards if it was going an inch when it hit some phone lines and dropped stone dead at about 100 yards

Ah and is that when you swore, asks the Mother Sup

Oh no. Just at that a squirrel came out of the woods and ran off with the ball in its mouth.

Ah, and is THAT when you swore?

Oh no. Just then a golden eagle swooped down and picked the squirrel up in its claws.

Ah, said the Mother Sup getting a bit bored by now (and she's probably not alone!) so is THAT when you swore?

Oh no. Just then the eagle dropped the squirrel and the ball fell out of its mouth, hit a tree root and bounced to within three feet of the cup

There was a silence as the two nuns looked at each other. Finally the Mother Superior spoke - Don't tell me you missed the ****ing putt!

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