Fairy GodBadgers Dating Agency

[bigmamabadger]

Following on from the thread about banders being uglyand single, just fill in the form and post it here! Gagging members of the opposite sex will rush to find new and exciting partners. All for free, but commission on successful new partnerships will be extracted by the management... :twisted:

1. NAME:
2. AGE:
3. INSTRUMENT:
4. REGION:
5. MARITAL STATUS:
6. ON A SCALE OF "SHOOT AND LEAVE FOR THE COCKROACHES" - "TAKE HOME AND KEEP IN THE AIRING CUPBOARD" HOW CUTE ARE YOU?
7. ON A SCALE OF "VAGRANT" - "BILL GATES" HOW RICH ARE YOU?
8. ON A SCALE OF "PADDLING POOL" - "MID-ATLANTIC TRENCH" HOW SHALLOW ARE YOU?
9. ON A SCALE OF "JADE FROM BIG BROTHER" - "EINSTEIN" HOW CLEVER ARE YOU?
10. ARE YOU A SLAPPER? IF NOT, WHY NOT?
11. CAN YOU COOK? n.b. microwave chips do not count

 

[neiltwist]

1. NAME: Neil
2. AGE: 12
3. INSTRUMENT: Bass Trombone
4. REGION: NW
5. MARITAL STATUS: what's the point of this if i'm supposed to be trying to get a date?

6. ON A SCALE OF "SHOOT AND LEAVE FOR THE COCKROACHES" - "TAKE HOME AND KEEP IN THE AIRING CUPBOARD" HOW CUTE ARE YOU? I'm probably about "THE INLAWS WILL LOVE ME" cute.

7. ON A SCALE OF "VAGRANT" - "BILL GATES" HOW RICH ARE YOU? I'm rich in blood cells. :lol:


8. ON A SCALE OF "PADDLING POOL" - "MID-ATLANTIC TRENCH" HOW SHALLOW ARE YOU? Probably about a pint glass, that's quite deep isn't it?


9. ON A SCALE OF "JADE FROM BIG BROTHER" - "EINSTEIN" HOW CLEVER ARE YOU? Einstein? he's my student.


10. ARE YOU A SLAPPER? IF NOT, WHY NOT? I try not to slap, it's rude.


11. CAN YOU COOK? (n.b. microwave chips do not count) How about microwave pizza? or hotpot? Saying that, I do a mean packet of crisps.

Aren't I witty (and slightly sad and trying to avoid revision )

 

[bigmamabadger]

5. MARITAL STATUS: what's the point of this if i'm supposed to be trying to get a date?

Have you ever looked at those adverts in your local paper?! What do you think "discreet with no strings" means?!

I shall put you on the books right away Mr. Twist, we have lots of lovely ladies in your region just dying to meet you...
BMB
xx

 

[akwarose]

1. NAME: Sam
2. AGE: 16
3. INSTRUMENT: cornet
4. REGION: east anglia - mk to be precise
5. MARITAL STATUS: single
6. ON A SCALE OF "SHOOT AND LEAVE FOR THE COCKROACHES" - "TAKE HOME AND KEEP IN THE AIRING CUPBOARD" HOW CUTE ARE YOU? umm.......makes you smile by doing cutesy stuff, but don't keep me in a cupboard cause i'm too good looking to go to waste like that!'
7. ON A SCALE OF "VAGRANT" - "BILL GATES" HOW RICH ARE YOU? i'm rich in personality and love
8. ON A SCALE OF "PADDLING POOL" - "MID-ATLANTIC TRENCH" HOW SHALLOW ARE YOU? loch ness deep
9. ON A SCALE OF "JADE FROM BIG BROTHER" - "EINSTEIN" HOW CLEVER ARE YOU? umm.. not quite einstein but workin on it
10. ARE YOU A SLAPPER? IF NOT, WHY NOT? no i ain... coz i dont wanna be
11. CAN YOU COOK? n.b. microwave chips do not count. i do a mean beans on toast, and i can microwave most things, but i'm still young, i can learn!!!

 

[jameshowell]

1. NAME: James
2. AGE: 18 in 3 weeks
3. INSTRUMENT: trumpets/cornets/flugel
4. REGION: suffolk, bury st edmunds
5. MARITAL STATUS: single
6. ON A SCALE OF "SHOOT AND LEAVE FOR THE COCKROACHES" - "TAKE HOME AND KEEP IN THE AIRING CUPBOARD" HOW CUTE ARE YOU? depends what you mean by cute...
7. ON A SCALE OF "VAGRANT" - "BILL GATES" HOW RICH ARE YOU? i get by
8. ON A SCALE OF "PADDLING POOL" - "MID-ATLANTIC TRENCH" HOW SHALLOW ARE YOU? i put personality b4 looks, so as deep as that qualifies me to be...
9. ON A SCALE OF "JADE FROM BIG BROTHER" - "EINSTEIN" HOW CLEVER ARE YOU? well ive never failed a test and im doing A-Levels, so im no Jade
10. ARE YOU A SLAPPER? IF NOT, WHY NOT? cos im male. and single. and unloved.
11. CAN YOU COOK? n.b. microwave chips do not count I can cook, i just choose not to, much.

 

[The Cornet King]

1. NAME: Chris
2. AGE: 19
3. INSTRUMENT: Cornet
4. REGION: Yorkshire...can travel...!
5. MARITAL STATUS: Single...of course!
6. ON A SCALE OF "SHOOT AND LEAVE FOR THE COCKROACHES" - "TAKE HOME AND KEEP IN THE AIRING CUPBOARD" HOW CUTE ARE YOU? ...Let the ladies decide that!
7. ON A SCALE OF "VAGRANT" - "BILL GATES" HOW RICH ARE YOU? I'm a student...work the financial situation out from that...VERY poor!
8. ON A SCALE OF "PADDLING POOL" - "MID-ATLANTIC TRENCH" HOW SHALLOW ARE YOU? Trench
9. ON A SCALE OF "JADE FROM BIG BROTHER" - "EINSTEIN" HOW CLEVER ARE YOU? ...Nearer Einstein than Jade!
10. ARE YOU A SLAPPER? IF NOT, WHY NOT? Certainly NOT! What would my mother think!
11. CAN YOU COOK? n.b. microwave chips do not count...If you call Sausage, Beans and chips cooking then yes!

Hit the PM button ladies...you know you want to!

 

[Naomi McFadyen]

cant believe I'm doing this!! :lol:

1. NAME: Naomi
2. AGE: 21 in April
3. INSTRUMENT: Percussion, brass, woodwind, guitars, piano/keyboard... etc
4. REGION: NW
5. MARITAL STATUS: Single
6. ON A SCALE OF "SHOOT AND LEAVE FOR THE COCKROACHES" - "TAKE HOME AND KEEP IN THE AIRING CUPBOARD" HOW CUTE ARE YOU? very
7. ON A SCALE OF "VAGRANT" - "BILL GATES" HOW RICH ARE YOU? not very
8. ON A SCALE OF "PADDLING POOL" - "MID-ATLANTIC TRENCH" HOW SHALLOW ARE YOU? no
9. ON A SCALE OF "JADE FROM BIG BROTHER" - "EINSTEIN" HOW CLEVER ARE YOU? yea, somewhere in between!
10. ARE YOU A SLAPPER? IF NOT, WHY NOT? Slapper!? nooooo!
11. CAN YOU COOK? n.b. microwave chips do not count. Yeap!


;-)

 

[Euph-Bari]

1. NAME: Jez/Jerram
2. AGE: 18
3. INSTRUMENT: Euph/Bari
4. REGION: West Yorkshire
5. MARITAL STATUS: Single
6. ON A SCALE OF "SHOOT AND LEAVE FOR THE COCKROACHES" - "TAKE HOME AND KEEP IN THE AIRING CUPBOARD" HOW CUTE ARE YOU? Hang me on the wall!
7. ON A SCALE OF "VAGRANT" - "BILL GATES" HOW RICH ARE YOU?
Joe Bloggs
8. ON A SCALE OF "PADDLING POOL" - "MID-ATLANTIC TRENCH" HOW SHALLOW ARE YOU? Ocean Deep
9. ON A SCALE OF "JADE FROM BIG BROTHER" - "EINSTEIN" HOW CLEVER ARE YOU? I over took Jade A While Ago, Which Aint Saying much!
10. ARE YOU A SLAPPER? IF NOT, WHY NOT? Not As Such
11. CAN YOU COOK? n.b. microwave chips do not count: I can do chips and chiken keive's in the oven, or does that not count?

 

[spookybiking]

1. NAME: Stuart
2. AGE: 18
3. INSTRUMENT: T-Horn
4. REGION: S.wales
5. MARITAL STATUS: sadly single
6. ON A SCALE OF "SHOOT AND LEAVE FOR THE COCKROACHES" - "TAKE HOME AND KEEP IN THE AIRING CUPBOARD" HOW CUTE ARE YOU? theres my pic you judge
7. ON A SCALE OF "VAGRANT" - "BILL GATES" HOW RICH ARE YOU? i do ok
8. ON A SCALE OF "PADDLING POOL" - "MID-ATLANTIC TRENCH" HOW SHALLOW ARE YOU? shallow as a grave lol
9. ON A SCALE OF "JADE FROM BIG BROTHER" - "EINSTEIN" HOW CLEVER ARE YOU? um teachers always said i was bright.
10. ARE YOU A SLAPPER? IF NOT, WHY NOT? because its not a sensible way to act.
11. CAN YOU COOK? n.b. microwave chips do not count
yep, cook alot of food.

 

[HBB]

1. NAME: Ben
2. AGE: 16
3. INSTRUMENT: Cornet/Horn/Piano/Bass
4. REGION: LONDON
5. MARITAL STATUS: Single (der)
6. ON A SCALE OF "SHOOT AND LEAVE FOR THE COCKROACHES" - "TAKE HOME AND KEEP IN THE AIRING CUPBOARD" HOW CUTE ARE YOU? Can look alrite if spruced Up.
7. ON A SCALE OF "VAGRANT" - "BILL GATES" HOW RICH ARE YOU? Have about the same amount of money that Jordan spent to increase her cup size.
8. ON A SCALE OF "PADDLING POOL" - "MID-ATLANTIC TRENCH" HOW SHALLOW ARE YOU? I'm definately the ocean!
9. ON A SCALE OF "JADE FROM BIG BROTHER" - "EINSTEIN" HOW CLEVER ARE YOU? Erm ..... Jadestein? Nope... I'm getting straight As in my GCSEs
10. ARE YOU A SLAPPER? IF NOT, WHY NOT? No. I can't spend the money as quickly as I would get it!
11. CAN YOU COOK? n.b. microwave chips do not count[/quote] Natürlich ....

 

[backrowbloke]

1. NAME: BackrowBloke
2. AGE: 34 (and feeling old reading the ages above )
3. INSTRUMENT: Backrow cornet, forever
4. REGION: Midlands
5. MARITAL STATUS: Tried marriage, single again now 8)
6. ON A SCALE OF "SHOOT AND LEAVE FOR THE COCKROACHES" - "TAKE HOME AND KEEP IN THE AIRING CUPBOARD" HOW CUTE ARE YOU? Most definately take home and keep
7. ON A SCALE OF "VAGRANT" - "BILL GATES" HOW RICH ARE YOU? depends on the day of the month
8. ON A SCALE OF "PADDLING POOL" - "MID-ATLANTIC TRENCH" HOW SHALLOW ARE YOU? Nooo, getting close to North Sea
9. ON A SCALE OF "JADE FROM BIG BROTHER" - "EINSTEIN" HOW CLEVER ARE YOU? erm...Johnny Lydon????
10. ARE YOU A SLAPPER? IF NOT, WHY NOT? Not that kind of guy :wink:
11. CAN YOU COOK? n.b. microwave chips do not count Do a mean pre-packed meal

Ahh..all sounds too good to be true..

 

[Okiedokie of Oz]

anything for a giggle
1. NAME: Chris Allen
2. AGE: 23 this May
3. INSTRUMENT: E flat bass mainly….you don’t want the full list
4. REGION: AUSTRALIA, where you can go swimming in a bikini for Christmas
5. MARITAL STATUS: single, seeing someone every so often…
6. ON A SCALE OF "SHOOT AND LEAVE FOR THE COCKROACHES" - "TAKE HOME AND KEEP IN THE AIRING CUPBOARD" HOW CUTE ARE YOU? well, I am better than the scum, better than a cockroach, but definitely not Tom Cruise…..more of a John Goodman
7. ON A SCALE OF "VAGRANT" - "BILL GATES" HOW RICH ARE YOU? comfortable for now…..
8. ON A SCALE OF "PADDLING POOL" - "MID-ATLANTIC TRENCH" HOW SHALLOW ARE YOU? I’d say not very, but sometimes I can be…so to be fair, I’ll say…shallow end of Olympic pool
9. ON A SCALE OF "JADE FROM BIG BROTHER" - "EINSTEIN" HOW CLEVER ARE YOU? Who’s Jade????? On the National IQ test, I scored 117….help????
10. ARE YOU A SLAPPER? IF NOT, WHY NOT? a what??????
11. CAN YOU COOK? n.b. microwave chips do not count I can, but I only do it when I need to….never had much of a need to cook to impress too many people
[/b]

 

[WhatSharp?]

1. NAME: Ben
2. AGE: 16
3. INSTRUMENT: Cornet/Horn/Piano/Bass
4. REGION: LONDON
5. MARITAL STATUS: Single (der)
6. ON A SCALE OF "SHOOT AND LEAVE FOR THE COCKROACHES" - "TAKE HOME AND KEEP IN THE AIRING CUPBOARD" HOW CUTE ARE YOU? Can look alrite if spruced Up.
7. ON A SCALE OF "VAGRANT" - "BILL GATES" HOW RICH ARE YOU? Have about the same amount of money that Jordan spent to increase her cup size.
8. ON A SCALE OF "PADDLING POOL" - "MID-ATLANTIC TRENCH" HOW SHALLOW ARE YOU? I'm definately the ocean!
9. ON A SCALE OF "JADE FROM BIG BROTHER" - "EINSTEIN" HOW CLEVER ARE YOU? Erm ..... Jadestein? Nope... I'm getting straight As in my GCSEs
10. ARE YOU A SLAPPER? IF NOT, WHY NOT? No. I can't spend the money as quickly as I would get it!
11. CAN YOU COOK? n.b. microwave chips do not count

Natürlich ....[/quote]

But he does make a mean cup of tea Girls!

 

[lynchie]

1. NAME: Paul
2. AGE: 19 in a month
3. INSTRUMENT: Trombone, and bass guitar (closet rock star...)
4. REGION: Stretford, just like Frank Gallager
5. MARITAL STATUS: Single
6. ON A SCALE OF "SHOOT AND LEAVE FOR THE COCKROACHES" - "TAKE HOME AND KEEP IN THE AIRING CUPBOARD" HOW CUTE ARE YOU? I consider myself a 5 pinter...
7. ON A SCALE OF "VAGRANT" - "BILL GATES" HOW RICH ARE YOU? Loaded, just don't tell my landlady!
8. ON A SCALE OF "PADDLING POOL" - "MID-ATLANTIC TRENCH" HOW SHALLOW ARE YOU? I have my trench moments, but generally the average puddle...
9. ON A SCALE OF "JADE FROM BIG BROTHER" - "EINSTEIN" HOW CLEVER ARE YOU? Genius! Honest... got 4 As on my a-levels and can finish off a strawpedo in 3.5 seconds!
10. ARE YOU A SLAPPER? IF NOT, WHY NOT? Yup... don't see why there aren't more of us!
11. CAN YOU COOK? n.b. microwave chips do not count. Anything I can grill I can cook! Oh and I do a mean steak...

 

[sparkling_quavers]

reading this is the best entertainment I have had all day!!!

am I allowed to comment on any of these since I know quite a few of you :wink:

 

[Aidan]

i think i have a multiple nomination for boc of the year already...

 

[Kari Anson]

Chuckle, chuckle - oh this thread is sooooo funny.

BTW - I think that 'discreet and no strings' refers to someone wishing to engage in s*x only - that's my interpretation anyway.

 

[Keppler]

I thought it referred to quiet-spoken brass players myself...

 

[bigmamabadger]

Chuckle, chuckle - oh this thread is sooooo funny.

BTW - I think that 'discreet and no strings' refers to someone wishing to engage in s*x only - that's my interpretation anyway.

True, but it can often mean they're married as well :shock: . That's why they only want gender.

I'm going to have to open another drawer in my filing cabinet, so many replies. Mostly from chaps though. Where are the girls?!
BMB
xx

 

[jameshowell]

although i signed up myself (im up for a laugh), i ahve to say this thread does make for a good laugh.