Child's Play

Well Worth It

Active Member
For those with No children - this is totally hysterical!
For those who already have children past this age - this is hilarious.
For those who have children at this age - this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age - this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children - this is a form of birth control!

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas: "Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):"

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 3 bedroom house about 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then run over it with
roller skates / blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and
Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can,
to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.

5. You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan is on, using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can then hit a ball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a ball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain bits of Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.

15. VCR's do not eject toasted sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving and very expensive to remove.

18. You probably do not want to know what that smell really is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The average response time for the fire brigade is about 20 minutes.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is a wonderful and amazing thing.

True story: One day the infant school teacher was reading the story
of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the
story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building
materials for his home. She read," ..And so the pig went up to the
man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but
may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher
paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy
xxxxx! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next
10 minutes.

25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.
 

jameshowell

Active Member
Me thinks I now have "scientific" research to perform in the name of humanity...

Theory: Powder bleach works better for this than the liquid form.

Results: Coming soon (If I have a house left :lol: )
 

bigmamabadger

Active Member
Well Worth It said:
3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
The yell of the three-year-old is louder than an MV Augusta 1500 at 5 paces. Particularly when mentioning bodily functions or commenting on the naughtiness/silliness/smelliness of people nearby. :oops:

Well Worth It said:
15. VCR's do not eject toasted sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
They do explode when the cat pisses straight into the ejector...

Well Worth It said:
18. You probably do not want to know what that smell really is.
No, you really, really don't want to know what that smell is. But you can guess.
 

mikelyons

Supporting Member
Where can you get powdered bleach? I want to try this.

It was obviously something I missed out on, unlike drinking dettol, eating worms and frogspawn, toast in the video machine and, incidentally a cassette in the toaster.

James, Do it OUTSIDE, lad.
 

tubafran

Active Member
25 Bleach

mikelyons said:
Where can you get powdered bleach? I want to try this.
If you want to see what happens when you use the wrong bleach - type in "bleach+brake fluid" on a search engine and it comes up with some nutter doing this. 11 photographs of complete nothing. However there is a description elsewhere of what should happen.

Not given the links as this may be considered by our mods to be inappropriate.
 

jameshowell

Active Member
Re: 25 Bleach

tubafran said:
Not given the links as this may be considered by our mods to be inappropriate.
I've finally found the site you were referring to. but maybe opeople should be careful when searching for it, I inadvertantly came accross some rather suspect looking explosives at home sites (given the current political climate!)
 
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