BM/MD faux pas

[Cantonian]

I'm new to tMP so this may have been covered before.
Any good faux pas by MD's or bandmasters.

One of our BM's once said " right everybody P together ".

Same guy

Bass player asks "How does this bit go?". After a short pause and working out the rhythm. " Bum titty, bum titty. bum bum."

My good self as Songster ( choir ) conductor, having rehearsed Sops, Altos, tenors and basses separately.
" Right Ladies and men put your parts together"!!!

 

[carlwoodman]

BM / MD faux pas

I'm reliably informed that an announcer introduced 'Eric Chalk and the Ball Farm Band' instead of 'Eric Ball and the Chalk Farm Band' !

Also reliably informed that a conductor told the audience that the composer of the next piece was in the audience and promptly introduced 'Gary Bott' instead of 'Barry Gott'.

I'm not immune from my own gaffs and in rehearsal recently asked the band to start from '4 BRAS before letter D' instead of 4 bars.

 

[Maestro]

I was at a concert a good number of years ago and was very surprised to hear the compere announce the evening's soloist as Roy Dalek!.

One of the best cock ups I have come across was when an Army Director of Music played "Dambusters" at a concert in Germany. It went down really well!

 

[PeterBale]

I was at a concert a good number of years ago and was very surprised to hear the compere announce the evening's soloist as Roy Dalek!.

One of the best cock ups I have come across was when an Army Director of Music played "Dambusters" at a concert in Germany. It went down really well!

I may have posted this before, but we played for the premiere of the film Moses the Lawgiver, in front of most of the foremost members of London's jewish community. There were some surprised faces in the band when the first number we played was the Luftwaffe march from Battle of Britain - before it was renamed Aces High (maybe that was why they renamed it!)

 

[Wonky_Baton]

I was conducting a few weeks ago and there was a bit fluffey tonguing from the band and i wanted it much slicker. I said "Make sure you tongue harder when you are down below". :twisted:

Most of the band cracked up but I compounded the problem by then saying we will take it from O. Small minds they have!! :roll:

 

[Keppler]

I was at a concert a good number of years ago and was very surprised to hear the compere announce the evening's soloist as Roy Dalek!.

One of the best cock ups I have come across was when an Army Director of Music played "Dambusters" at a concert in Germany. It went down really well!

We were doing a job at a garda (police) run youth sports award ceremony. Right at the start they wanted some sort of procession for the garda dignitaries up to the stage, so they asked us to play them up. We whipped out the Magnificent 7, and away they went. Not sure if anyone caught it, but as Despot remarked later, there was a definate feel of a posse riding out into the sunset..

 

[Wonky_Baton]

I always have a saying when tuning the band and if it is nearly there but not quite i say "Pull it out (or push it in) a midgies dick". I am sure loads of conductors use that expression but it caused a bit surprise in our band.

 

[PeterBale]

We were doing a job at a garda (police) run youth sports award ceremony. Right at the start they wanted some sort of procession for the garda dignitaries up to the stage, so they asked us to play them up. We whipped out the Magnificent 7, and away they went. Not sure if anyone caught it, but as Despot remarked later, there was a definate feel of a posse riding out into the sunset..

You could always have played "The Great Escape" :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Mike Saville]

"Pull it out (or push it in) a midgies dick".

Our MD calls it "A Gnat's chuff"!

 

[Straightmute]

I was in Germany with a band which was conducted by a rather elderly gent. As usual we had to meet the mayor and all the civic dignitaries before a gig. Whilst exchanging pleasantries the mayor asked the MD "...and have you even been to Dresden before, Mr W"?.

"Oh yes" he replied. "I bombed you, you b*ggers".

D

 

[Euph-Bari]

"Pull it out (or push it in) a midgies dick".

Our MD calls it "A Gnat's chuff"!

ours says "a fleas sack wisker"

 

[JessopSmythe]

My favourite MD quote has to be

"Cornets, I don't understand what your problem is. Put your fingers and tongues in the right places and it comes easily"

 

[Cantonian]

Another one just remembered.

We went to a local hospital to play to a retired BM who had undergone surgery. We stood outside the ward and the opening tune was chosen......Keep in Step all the Time! The only problem was that the surgery had been for the amputation of his leg!

 

[PeterBale]

Another one just remembered.

We went to a local hospital to play to a retired BM who had undergone surgery. We stood outside the ward and the opening tune was chosen......Keep in Step all the Time! The only problem was that the surgery had been for the amputation of his leg!

That's almost as good as playing "Who'll be the next" outside the maternity ward!

 

[dyl]

That's almost as good as playing "Who'll be the next" outside the maternity ward!

It'd be even worse outside the mortuary!

 

[Cantonian]

That's almost as good as playing "Who'll be the next" outside the maternity ward!

It'd be even worse outside the mortuary!

I worked in a hospital that the band used to play at on Sunday mornings and was painfully aware that the building that we stood outside when playing to the Maternity unit was indeed the mortuary.

One Easter Sunday we played ( you guessed it) " Up from the Grave He arose".

 

[weenie]

One of our old conductors once said to a female horn player,
'The band will cut off, then I'll bring you off with my little finger'
Very embarassing!