This is my favourite golf joke, first heard told by Les Beevers (who knows more good golf jokes than anyone I've ever met) at a Marple concert a few years ago.
A man walks into the pro shop at a very posh golf club and asks if someone can rate his handicap for him, as it's a few years since he played.
"No problem" says the pro. "Be on the first tee at 9.00 sharp tomorrow, I'll play a round with you, and assess your handicap accordingly."
"That's fine," says the man, "but I may be a tiny bit late".
So next day, they tee off dead on 9.00, and by the end of the round the 'new player' has beaten the pro by 2 shots - five under par. The pro is amazed. "You really haven't played for years?". "No, honestly". "Right, same time tomorrow then and we'll make sure it's not a fluke".
"That's fine," says the man, "but I may just be a tiny bit late".
Tomorrow comes, and again they tee off right on 9.00, and by the end of the round the 'new player' has beaten the pro again, this time by 3 shots - seven under par - and playing left-handed! The pro is stunned. "I've never met anyone who can play right and left handed, and to such a standard, too! Tell me, why did you decide to play left-handed today?"
"Well," says the man. "It's like this. If I wake up, and my wife is lying on her right side, I play right-handed. If she's lying on her left side, I play left-handed"
"And what if she's lying on her back"
"That's when I'll be a little bit late..........." :wink:
