And God created the North?????

MRSH

Supporting Member
They like to kid themselves...and considering I'm from "down South" I think I'm very offended by this joke :roll: :roll: :roll:

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him on the seventh day resting.

He enquired of God, "Where have you been?" God pointed downwards through the clouds.

"Look Michael, look what I've made" said God.

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and its going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot.

Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people."

God continued, pointing to the different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and asked, "What's that?"

"Ah," said God. "That's the north of England, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful people, seven great cities in Yorkshire alone, and many impressive towns; it is the home of the world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians. The people from North England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,"What about balance God, you said there will be balance?"

God replied very wisely, "Wait till you see the set of *beep*ers I'm putting down South!!"
 

Liz Courts

Active Member
***GASP!!***
:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
:evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:
Truely offended...!!
:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
:( :( :( :( :( :( :(

:p
 

lynchie

Active Member
good work... although the Irish seem to be lacking any balance to amazing, wonderful people living there... oh wait... Ian Paisley... of course!
 

bruceg

Active Member
First time I saw this post it was a Scotland - England version and I laughed a lot. It still makes me laugh as a Northerner - Southerner thing though :D
 

Mrs Fruity

Member
Of course you realise the North of England means north of Harrogate, before all you Yorkshiremen start chuckling uncontrollably. :roll: :shock: :lol:
 

JessopSmythe

Active Member
In a similar vein :-


A foreign tourist in the UK decides to have a look at some the churches and cathedrals as he moves around. Starting in Scotland, he visits St Giles' Cathedral, Edinburgh and sees an ornate gold telephone with a sign saying "Talk Direct to God. Only £100". Liking the idea but being a bit short of cash he carries on his tour and sees similar phones and signs as he works his way south to St Pauls in London where the price is now £150. When questioned, the clergy put this down to the extra costs involved in running any business in London. Finally, nearing the end of holiday he reaches Llandaff Cathedral in Cardiff. To his surprise the signs here read "Talk Direct to God. Only £10" Thinking that it must be a misprint, he asks one of the attendant clergy why it's so much cheaper than all the other places he's been. The reply comes back "Ahh. Local call, see"
 

Straightmute

Active Member
Mrs Fruity said:
Of course you realise the North of England means north of Harrogate, before all you Yorkshiremen start chuckling uncontrollably. :roll: :shock: :lol:
Phew. So nearly a savvanna. 8)

D
 

akwarose

Active Member
MRSH said:
"Wait till you see the set of *beep*ers I'm putting down South!!"
ahhh, well that explains it then... i'm clearly meant to be a northerner, there was obviously a mix up somewhere down the line.....

:roll: :wink:
 

Well Worth It

Active Member
GOD IS A MANC!!!

He better be a red, otherwise I'm going to the other place of my own free will.
*coughs* Like I have a choice.....
 

MRSH

Supporting Member
Well Worth It said:
GOD IS A MANC!!! He better be a red......
Actually - I think he's a blue scouser.....................at least that's what my wife tells me :oops: 8) :lol: :?
 

sugarandspice

Active Member
x_lizc_x said:
***GASP!!***
:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
:evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:
Truely offended...!!
:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
:( :( :( :( :( :( :(

:p
I'll second that!!- at least we can talk properly!! :D :p :D
 

nickjones

Active Member
I have heard this before with Welsh and English etc.......he gave us lovely mountains ,clear waters , beautiful people and language....to balance it out look at the neighbours we have :wink:
still this is a joke........
 

sugarandspice

Active Member
nickjbeaumarisband said:
I have heard this before with Welsh and English etc.......he gave us lovely mountains ,clear waters , beautiful people and language....to balance it out look at the neighbours we have :wink:
still this is a joke........
Don't you start aswell!! :p :D
 

sugarandspice

Active Member
ScrapingtheBottom said:
sugarandspice said:
I'll second that!!- at least we can talk properly!! :D :p :D
No you can't talk proper at all!

All this 'ow's yer father, apple 'n' pears nonsense is rubbish.

And, tha's got nowt moist!
think you will find that that is somerset not cornwall!
 
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