Advice for foreigners in Britain


Staff member
Having listened to the Gerard Hoffnung tape yesterday, to hear the "Barrel of Bricks" story, I came across some advice for foreign visitors to britain - and if it sounds a little dated, remember it was recorded in 1958:

  • You will oblige your chambermaid by hanging your mattress out of the window every morning

    All London brothels display a blue lamp

    Ignore all signs saying left or right - these are merely political slogans

    Zebra parking places are freely available

    Have you tried the famous echo in the Reading Room at the British Museum?

    On entering a railway compartment, make sure you shake hands with all who are present


Active Member
when i first came to this country I followed all these rules... and ended up a trombone player... :cry:


Active Member
Zebra parking spaces are really useful. I know the police always like to use them cos they always make me move when I'm parked in one.

Tuba Miriam

Gerard Hoffnung - very funny. He's the chap in my avatar. He also commissioned (I think it was him) a 'concerto for double bass tuba and piccolo' and is responsible for Malcolm Arnold writing the 'Grand, Grand Festival Overture' for the 1956 Hoffnung Music Festival, which features a full symphony orchestra plus vacuum cleaners and floor polishers. :shock:

For more information on Hoffnung see:

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