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Thread: Trumpet crimes

  1. #1
    tMP Posting Freak!!! Dave Payn's Avatar
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    Trumpet crimes

    NAME OF OFFENDER:
    INFRACTION DATE: __________________________
    __________________________

    MUSICAL OFFENCE AND FINE
    Playing highest note possible in warm- up 100
    Sound-checking mic with obnoxious jazz licks 15
    Raising hand after mistake 15
    Practicing multiple tonguing not called for on gig 15
    Blacking out after high note 20
    Obnoxiously show-offy warm-up 25
    Taking tuning note up an octave 25
    Vibrato on unison passage 50
    Failure to use 3rd valve slide 50
    Playing B-flat when band tunes to A 75
    Being told by conductor to play louder 400
    Failure to swing 1000

    LEAD PLAYERS
    Changing mouthpieces mid-song 10
    Faking section into early entrance 20
    Faking self into early entrances 25
    Missing high lick, then mentioning previous gig(s) 25
    Asking conductor if it's ok to take a lick up 25
    Asking conductor if it's ok to take a lick down 400
    Taking a lick down that you took up in rehearsal 100
    Missing last note of "In the Mood" 200

    SECTION/NON-LEAD PLAYERS
    Missing entrance when lead drops out 15
    Pointing out to the lead that guy on the record took that last lick up 20
    Attempting unassigned lick biffed by lead 50
    Asking lead what mouthpiece he uses 75
    Hanging over past lead on last chord 100
    Attempting to out-screech lead on last chord 100
    Successfully out-screeching lead at any time 500


    EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS
    Playing with screw on rim 10
    Polishing horn on stage 15
    Dropping mute 10
    Dropping horn Repairs + 20
    Dropping dead Warning
    Forgetting pencil 20
    Forgetting mute(s) 50 each
    Forgetting bowtie or socks 30
    Forgetting mouthpiece 30
    Forgetting magazine 100
    Blaming mistake on sticky valves 25
    Getting marble or similar object stuck down bell 75

    CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
    Having nicest gig-bag in section 10
    Talking about the great deal you got on a new horn 10
    Hawking old horn on bandstand 10
    Quoting Herb Alpert or Mangione Song 25
    Farting on bandstand 25
    Defecating on bandstand 75
    Practicing legit style on swing gig 35
    Discussing how plentiful gigs were in the old days 50
    Beginning a sentence with "When I played for Kenton..." 50
    Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theatre that you also play keyboards 100

    BASIC STUPIDITY
    Playing on a Jet-tone mouthpiece 25
    Continually asking "where are we? 25
    Drunkenness on stage 50
    Stoned on stage 50
    Pretending to be friends with a trombone player 200
    Actually being friends with a trombone player 750
    Dating a trombone player 3000
    Loaning money to bone player 4x amount loaned
    Sitting next to conductor at meals 100
    Dave Payn
    Conductor, Arran Brass

  2. #2
    tMP Posting Freak!!! lynchie's Avatar
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    Re: Trumpet crimes

    Quote Originally Posted by Dave Payn
    Actually being friends with a trombone player 750
    Dating a trombone player 3000
    Loaning money to bone player 4x amount loaned
    Seems slightly harsh... but probably fair. Guess I'll have to get my dates elsewhere...!

    I do know a few people that would be seriously out of pocket from that lot!
    Trombonist

  3. #3
    tMP Posting Freak!!! Dave Payn's Avatar
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    All in jest! (My first girlfriend was a trombonist! That's me financially crippled then!)
    Dave Payn
    Conductor, Arran Brass

  4. #4
    tMP Posting Freak!!! Dave Payn's Avatar
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    ps. Of that first batch of offences, I've been guiltyof every one!
    Dave Payn
    Conductor, Arran Brass

  5. #5
    tMP Friend in Training
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    I glad my band don't use those or we would all be broke
    Wendy Hirstwood
    2nd Euph
    Spinnaker Brass & Portsmouth City Band

  6. #6
    tMP Prime Friend leisa's Avatar
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    Re: Trumpet crimes

    Quote Originally Posted by Dave Payn
    NAME OF OFFENDER:
    INFRACTION DATE: __________________________
    __________________________
    Drunkenness on stage 50
    Stoned on stage 50
    Pretending to be friends with a trombone player 200
    Actually being friends with a trombone player 750
    Dating a trombone player 3000
    Loaning money to bone player 4x amount loaned
    Sitting next to conductor at meals 100
    u lot really dont like troms do ya?
    im dead really, i got quite a few trom friends is this 750 per friend????

    :?
    Leisa Mallalieu-Ingman
    Wakefield Metropolitan Brass Band

  7. #7
    Former tMp User andywooler's Avatar
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    Re: Trumpet crimes

    Quote Originally Posted by leisa
    [u lot really dont like troms do ya?
    im dead really, i got quite a few trom friends is this 750 per friend????

    :?
    Trombone players - aren't they those people that hang around with musicians?

  8. #8
    tMP Prime Friend leisa's Avatar
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    Re: Trumpet crimes

    Quote Originally Posted by andywooler
    Quote Originally Posted by leisa
    [u lot really dont like troms do ya?
    im dead really, i got quite a few trom friends is this 750 per friend????

    :?
    Trombone players - aren't they those people that hang around with musicians?
    :P

    question: what if you are a trombone player??? (im not, no abuse pleease)
    Leisa Mallalieu-Ingman
    Wakefield Metropolitan Brass Band

  9. #9
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    Re: Trumpet crimes

    Quote Originally Posted by andywooler
    Trombone players - aren't they those people that hang around with musicians?
    No, they're called drummers


    As with the thread- very very good- I managed to put a few names by the side of some of the offences...
    I wanna be a musician crime police officer now! lol.... i could make a lot of money from it!

  10. #10
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    Re: Trumpet crimes

    Quote Originally Posted by andywooler
    Quote Originally Posted by leisa
    [u lot really dont like troms do ya?
    im dead really, i got quite a few trom friends is this 750 per friend????

    :?
    Trombone players - aren't they those people that hang around with musicians?
    I'm a little upset now!

  11. #11
    tMP Friend for Life Liz Courts's Avatar
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    Re: Trumpet crimes

    I can't say I'm guilty of too many of those!!

    Well, maybe just a few of those associated to SECTION/NON-LEAD PLAYERS

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