The tMP English Dictionary

[Curiosity_Kills]

Right, The rules of the game are simple.

1.) Invent a word - e.g. Shamquocks

2.) The next poster must come up with a definition for that word (e.g. A set of Rubber Culinery Utensils) and for those tricky words, a correct pronounciation (e.g. Sh-am-cw-ocks). Having done this, then they invent a word for the following poster to define.

Comprendez?

The First Word seeking a definitions is Juffy

[mikelyons]

Juffy v. intr. To hurry out of a room in a fit of pique having been thwarted in some plan or scheme by a superior intellect.


Picquorice:

[DublinBass]

n. A special type of textured artwork made from black candies.

Centiquated

[Ickle.Hannah]

Centiquated
a squashed centipede- something that doesnt come out of the carpet :(

Conductarita

[mikelyons]

n. A rather camp person (either gender) who waves their arms wildly at cricket matches before insulting the visiting team.

Fulmivolous/ocity

[Curiosity_Kills]

adj. An object or objects whose velocity equals the speed of a large plume of smoke

Exhonging

[SuperMosh]

v. Exhonging - the redness of face and obvious bluffing of one's technical ability during the process of playing a large bore tuba through a technical and loud passage

Shimdilling

[Bass Man]

Shimdilling - The art of laughing milkshake out of your nose!

farbinkled

[Laserbeam bass]

Farbinkle V. Shouting at a refuse receptacle from a distance.

Superyanking

[WhatSharp?]

SuperYanking V. The art of over emphasising somethine ( usually an event or sport ) above and beyond reality ( as in "World Series" )...

Ludiferous

[Sopha]

Ludiferous (Lu - di - fer - ous) adj - having no connection with the subject; a ridiculous statement.

lequiplate

[WhatSharp?]

lequiplate ( Lek-wip-lart-eh) - Water Aerobics primarily practised by well to-do pregnant mothers ( who refer to it as Drowing-by-Pilates ) :)

Scroungious

[andyp]

Scroungious (scwr-au-ng-ee-us) - descriptive . Food that tastes better for being free, esp. blagged from fellow band members.

flantible

[mikelyons]

Flanitble adj. (Of an object or person) Being able to make a noise like a BBb bass being played very loudly at the bottom of a deep mine shaft by an elephant.

Mantiphagous

[andyp]

Mantiphagous - extremely ugly and liable to bite your head off in the morning (cf. praying mantis).

Splitaphorical

[mikelyons]

Splitaphorical adj. Descriptive of the secret, profane and arcane language of the solo cornet player who can't quite reach the same register as the soprano player but goes for it anyway and misses.
"He breathed spitaphorical curses as the super Eb crashed down the pan"

Hampage

[PeterBale]

Hampage:

i) The aftermath of a boar escaping from the pig farm

ii) The entry in "Who's Who" for a failed thespian

iii) One of the sections of the best-selling book "Mr Perks' guide to gourmet sausages"


Quintuplasm

[andyp]

Quintuplasm

The mess left by five ghosts after a fight.


Euphilious

[andyp]

Splitaphorical adj. Descriptive of the secret, profane and arcane language of the solo cornet player who can't quite reach the same register as the soprano player but goes for it anyway and misses.
"He breathed spitaphorical curses as the super Eb crashed down the pan"



Never heard of it!:oops:

:biggrin:

[meandmycornet]

Euphilious

Pronounced - You-fee-louse

A small insect that burrows its way into brass or silver plated objects, causing dints to appear in the surface.

Nevarady

[mikelyons]

Hampage:

i) The aftermath of a boar escaping from the pig farm

ii) The entry in "Who's Who" for a failed thespian

iii) One of the sections of the best-selling book "Mr Perks' guide to gourmet sausages"
I bow to your superiority Mr Bale. Age must, indeed, bring wisdom.:clap: ;)

Nevarady n: A non-bandsman who offers insults to all and sundry but runs a mile any time someone offers to 'take him outside'.

Parpatrix

[PeterBale]

Parpatrix

Variant of "Parpatrics", a degenerative disease affecting predominantly horn players, resulting from continual playing of off-beats. Eventually, they find it impossible to playing anything on the first beat of the bar.

Paratrombosis

[andyp]

Paratrombosis


Affliction of the elbow that makes it impossible to reach 7th position.


Pneubaritonosis

[meandmycornet]

Pneubaritonosis (Pron. New-Barry-tone-eye-sis)

The perplexing disorder that becomes of a player when they get a new 4 valve baritone, symptons include... refusing to place mouthpiece in the instrument, refusing to use the fourth valve and insisting that they have a 5ft gap between each player on either side of them!

Sopranity

[TheMusicMan]

Sopranity: derivative of Vanity; psychological affliction of Soprano-esque musicians (Ct Players and singers) where a profound belief in ones ability to sound good manifests. Easily diagnosed by listening for the lingering note continuing for another 4 beats after the rest of the band has finished at end of Procession to the Minster.

Cadoloism: Ca-doh-lo-isum

[andyp]

Cadoloism: Ca-doh-lo-isum

Religion whose followers canbe heard exclaiming "Heeellllo.." and "Ding Dong!" whenever in the vicinity of pretty females.

Temponorital

[meandmycornet]

Temponorital

The ritual performed by certain band members every time they see a new tempo marking... they feel the urge to ask the MD 'What speed do you want us to play there?'

Harmelody

[mikelyons]

Harmelody n: (Pronounced with a distinct Cornish accent Har! - Me -loady)

An affliction that affects most of the band at some time and occurs when playing test pieces of a certain vintage where no one has a good tune. The result of this is that individuals will pirate anyone else's tune that they hear and can imitate (regardless of key or actual sounding pitch of the original) It most notoriously affects Bass players (especially BBb bass players of a certain age ;))

Infraconductosis

[meandmycornet]

Infraconductosis

The act of thinking you are as good as the MD and can influence him in someway by making cutting comments about his direction of the band, or about other member's of the band in general.

Bassectomology

[andyp]

Bassectomology

The study of notes so far below the stave as to be mistaken for top notes on the stave below (cf:<colloquial> "growling")

Backrowdigans

[mikelyons]

Backrowdigans

n: The upper body (or in some cases lower body) garments worn by former front row cornets who get moved onto rep, 2nd or 3rd. Usually made of Jersey and/or some other woollen fabric often showing elbow patches and holes in inappropriate places. The general beige colouration of these garments is usually due to defective personality traits or lack of frequent washing.

[andyp]

New word - Fortissimus

[Bass Man]

Fortissimus - A dynamic marking exclusivley for euphoniums. No matter what piece of music the band is playing, at whatever dynamic, the euphoniums play at Fortissimus so that they can still be heard over everything else!


Blampiedity

[andyp]

Blampiedity The pleasurable feeling that comes from having "eaten all the pies".

Blartophonics

[mikelyons]

*Guys I am SO sorry. I forgot to put in a new word :eek!

Blartophonics n:


The art of explaining to the trombone section in simple words of no more than one syllable that they need to play more quietly.
The study of Trombonists' ability to play so loudly as to clear the town square of all wildlife when reading the dynamic marking ppp.
Interovitis

[andyp]

Interovitis

An affliction that cuses the sufferer to rush the introduction of pieces in order to "get to the interesting bit".


Stenopherous

[mikelyons]

Stenopherous (Pr. Sten-oh-fear-us) n: The pathological disorder which prevents some bandspeople from writing anything on their parts in the mistaken belief that they will still remember it the following rehearsal. This dysfunction can afflict any person at any time, but in its chronic form can result in test pieces still being unaltered after 60 years.

gigantopadecus

[PeterBale]

Stenopherous (Pr. Sten-oh-fear-us) n: The pathological disorder which prevents some bandspeople from writing anything on their parts in the mistaken belief that they will still remember it the following rehearsal. This dysfunction can afflict any person at any time, but in its chronic form can result in test pieces still being unaltered after 60 years.

gigantopadecus

n. An ancient relic in the banding world, who insists on hoarding copies of long-forgotten music in their pad long after they should have been handed in. Causes great anxiety to his counterpart, the emptypadlibraricus, whose aim is to insist that no more than the current programme is allowed to escape from his traditional home, the library cave.


hemidemiphobia

[mikelyons]

n. An ancient relic in the banding world, who insists on hoarding copies of long-forgotten music in their pad long after they should have been handed in. Causes great anxiety to his counterpart, the emptypadlibraricus, whose aim is to insist that no more than the current programme is allowed to escape from his traditional home, the library cave.
(*I want to know who's been telling tales! :mad: )

hemidemiphobia Med. Unreasonable fear of anything shorter than a crotchet. Normally this mental condition is restricted to players in lower section bands and to the back row and trombonists. However, very occasionally BBb bass players have been known to catch it. The rest of the band, with the exception of the girly 2nd horn players are immune. The opposite of hemidemiphobia (Hemidemiphilia) is an obsession that is best not mentioned in public, but is most commonly found in euphonium and baritone players. There is a lot of up and down finger movement involved and the occasional up and down twitching of the elbow. This can be dangerous and has been know to cause acne when caught by the young, and crossed eyes and buck teeth in those who refuse therapy.

Pustular pistonitis (We've gone very medical all of a sudden!)

[andyp]

Pustular pistonitis

Condition of the fingers that in extreme cases can cause them to swell up and explode. Caused by unprotected exposure to semiquavers.

Standtudinous

[DaveR]

Standtudinous

The practice of leaving ones music at home, obliging more than one person to share the music of the person sitting next to them at a concert.

Dentalicious

[mikelyons]

Dentalicious adj. Descriptive of the wonderful feeling of relief when a brace comes off and you can play without shedding blood.

Baritonarium

[Will the Sec]

A place where baritone players go to regain their sanity.

Pontinover

[Ffion Flugel]

A hangover of immense proportions, not often seen - goes with inability to get socks on due to thumping head.

Wintergardenitis

[PeterBale]

Wintergardenitis


Not, as may have been expected, anything to do with Blackpool, but rather an affliction that affects horticulturalists who find they are unable to keep the grass to a reasonable length due to constant rain. Sufferers become increasingly frustrated, and the condition often results in lawnmowers with burnt-out motors as they eventually succumb to the temptation to mow the lawn anyway.

Hippotrombafortis

[mikelyons]

Hippotrombafortis

n: A condition peculiar to Bass trombonists which involves a tendency to flatulence in conditions that are embarrassing to the whole band - like on collecting a trophy at a contest. Many people are of the opinion that this condition is a fear reaction, as Bass troms are such shy and retiring people under normal circumstances. It could be that the miasma that often results from an acute bout of this condition could provide a smoke screen under which the affected person could escape.

Fumblipping

[PeterBale]

Fumblipping

n. Variant of thumb-blipping; another ailment affecting trombonists (mainly of the basser sort!), whereby in moments of aberation the wrong valve is depresssed, leading to the need for a sudden inadvertent change of position in order to produce a note vaguely similar to the pitch marked on the copy.

euphopolyphiliac

[andyp]

euphopolyphiliac

Unable to stand more than one euphonium playing at a time.

Areamatically

[mikelyons]

Areamatically adv. Describes the way in which conductors get panicky around about March. It has to do with the increasing amount of light affecting the way their brains work.
e.g. "He strode into the room areamatically, with a look of infinite worry on his face"


Digitaerobics

[PeterBale]

Digitaerobics

n. The ancient art of exercising ones fingers in the air, particularly to be found amongst brass band conductors in March (vid "Areamatically"). Can seem a pretty aimless pursuit at times, and seemingly has little or no effect on the players in front of the exponent at the time.

glockoscriptophoia

[mikelyons]

glockoscriptophobia

n: Disease of older conductors who keep wanting to play 'Bells Across the Meadow' because it reminds them of the time when they were young, but who cannot then hear the bells. They develop selective deafness (and daftness) and eventually suffer total dementia with regard to any percussion part, constantly muttering bang it harder...bang it harder under their collective breath. They also suffer bouts of paranoia, but we won't talk about that in case they're listening.


Notendnotition (Note-end-not-ishun)

[andyp]

Notendnotition

The big circle, highlighter or similar used to remind you that you should D.C or D.S, and where to (or exceptionally, which ending to take). Often the "from point" and "to point" are connected by a big line going diagonally across the whole page, especially if the player's eyesight has suffered some age-related deterioration.......

Macrosopic

[mikelyons]

Macrosopic
The kind of Soprano one sees from time to time who is so huge in comparison to the instrument that one wonders how they can be related.

perspicopacity

[andyp]

perspicopacity

Non-see-through small timpani.

Picocornetissimo

[Will the Sec]

Picocornetissimo

The soprano players' affliction of being unable to prevbent themself from playing the last note of a piece an octave higher than written, and splitting it.

Sparkeattack

[andyp]

Sparkeattack

80's funk band, biggest hit "Year of the Dragon".

Hornaplentiferous

[WhatSharp?]

Hor-na-plent-i-ferous

A plant which grows in the middle of the band room. Usually rather delicate looking but prone to spontaneus bouts of wilting. Also has rather long thorns ( a bit sharp! ).

Grumpot

[Laserbeam bass]

Grumpot, Pronounced Groompot, A receptacle used by the groom on his wedding night, after drinking far too much at the reception, to stop him having to find the loo.

Aq

[andyp]

Aq

The sound made by a player who breathes in, coughs, spits and chokes all at once just before a very high solo note.

Morninophonics

[PeterBale]

Morninophonics

n. Alternative name for the dawn chorus

glockamaranitis

[andyp]

glockamaranitis

Variant of RSI caused by using the hardest sticks possible to play two glocks at once.

Hipposplit

[PeterBale]

Hipposplit

n. The effect of overblowing on the trumpet part of "The Bronze Horseman".

pyrofoliomania

[DaveR]

The obsession with wanting to burn "yellow" music in the name of musical taste.

Baritophone

[WhatSharp?]

Baritophone :

A device allowing a baritone player to phone a friend for help during fast running passages.

Terrescolopodectomy

[andyp]

Terrescolopodectomy

The act of sticking someone's irritatingly loud personal stereo where the sun don't shine.

Bassochotomy

[ronnie_the_lizard]

Bassochotomy:
n. The divergence between the two 'Cs' played by BBb basses during a tuning -up session.


Superconductivity:

[andyp]

Superconductivity

The ability of a conductor to transfer more alcohol when cold (for example at Pontins, or the Blackpool Area last year).

Trisdekaphonical

[WhatSharp?]

Tris-dek-a-pohnical

A three layered dual instrument harmony.

Phelutilistical

[ronnie_the_lizard]

Trisdekaphonical:

Musical idiom followed by most soprano cornettists involving the mispitching or obvious splitting of the thirteenth note of the solo.


Timpanitis:

[andyp]

Phelutilistical - complicated measuring system used by adjudicators

Timpanitis - the urge to hit things much harder than strictly neccessary.


adjudicaphorism

[PeterBale]

adjudicaphorism


n. A cryptic comment to be found in the Adjudicator's remarks following a content. May be intended to be witty or humorous, but is likely simply to cause offence. NB: May refer to a part or instrument that was not present in the band that day.


pseudomusicolatelist

[SuperMosh]

pseudomusicolatelist

A musician who is trying to play an unfamiliar instrument but doing so in a convincing way. Also referred to as one who uses plenty of chin wobble and lots of fourth valve

Bassectomy

[andyp]

Bassectomy

One of the world's most difficult operations, involving the removal of an entire bass section from the bar.

Cornetofractals

[WhatSharp?]

Cornetofractals - those little bits of chocolate/biscuit/nuts you find on top of an ice-cream

Unpurgalisticalism

[PeterBale]

Unpurgalisticalism

n. var of "un-per-galisticalism", being the concept that there should be one male band member for each female . This concept can avoid a lot of jealousy, not to mention fighting over the seats on the coach.


cornogalliphobia

[andyp]

cornogalliphobia

Fear of the cornet part to "A Gallimaufry Suite"


Mutissiphal

[mikelyons]

Mutissifal

A little known byelaw that imposes a severe fine on 2nd and 3rd cornet players who drop their mutes when trying to insert them. The size of the fine increases depending on the quietness the piece at the time.

Crumplexplosion

[PeterBale]

Crumplexplosion

n. This complex noun is used to describe the cause and effect of an event which occasionally occurs in the world of banding. The two component parts are (i): "crumple" (being the damage caused to the bell of a brass instrument, possibly by trampling, crashing into or running over in a motor vehicle) and (ii): "explosion" (being the reaction of the player of the said instrument on the realisation of what has occurred.

NB: The scale of the "crumplexplosion" is likely to depend on a number of factors, not least of which being the closeness of the incident to the next concert or contest appearance, being at its greatest when the time differential is only a matter of minutes.


basstrombapedalosis

[mikelyons]

basstrombapedalosis

n: The result of giving a bass trombone player pedal notes to play. It does not affect the trombonist, but any listeners within a 500 yard radius, causing their inner ears to go into convulsions with consequent loss of balance and nausea. So serious are the effects of basstrombapedalosis, that it is considered a crime against humanity in some situations (especially earthquake zones) and the fact that the bass trombone player gets away with it scott free further piles ossia on pelion!

Shedophonious

[Ffion Flugel]

Shedophonius

The act of being banned to an outdoor construction to practice euphonium parts - especially Carnival of Venice, which the spouse could also play having heard it so often. Common during airings of Coronation Street.

Barimetric pressure

[mikelyons]

Barimetric pressure

The amount of force with which a baritone player applies to push air through his/her instrument. Measured in a unique unit called the straightener, based on the number of unreinforced inches of tube said player could straighten using barimetric pressure alone.

Flughaven

[PeterBale]

Flughaven

i) n. A repository for German aircraft

ii) n. A refuge for players of the flugel horn who have found the pressure is a little too much. May occasionally be located in the horn section or, more often, somewhere on the back-row of the cornets.


metricomplication

[mikelyons]

metricomplication
n: a nasty trick of certain composers of putting alternating, uneven time signatures in their pieces and then having the scores printed just small enough that they can't be read accurately.

Sanctimonihornation

[PeterBale]

Sanctimonihornation

n. sancti-moni-hor-nation

This lesser-known tribe exists in the middle of the Amazon jungle; long believed to be sacred by the other tribes around, they had a propensity to play solos on their primitive wind instruments, accompanied by a bakcing played on equally rudimentary instruments made of wood and struck with hammers. Due to the pressures of modern life, and the encroachment of so-called civilization, now more likely to be heard playing drums of thunder instead.

Vinterballostalgia

[mikelyons]

n. sancti-moni-hor-nation

This lesser-known tribe exists in the middle of the Amazon jungle; long believed to be sacred by the other tribes around, they had a propensity to play solos on their primitive wind instruments, accompanied by a bakcing played on equally rudimentary instruments made of wood and struck with hammers. Due to the pressures of modern life, and the encroachment of so-called civilization, now more likely to be heard playing drums of thunder instead.

Vinterballostalgia

n: Mental condition brought about by contact with yellowed bits of music. There are two forms of the condition depending on the age of the sufferer. In the elderly, the condition manifests itself as a yearning for times past and an emergence of suppressed memories of having played the piece in one venue or another. In the young, the condition shows as a violent aversion, bordering on phobic behaviour and resulting in loud mewling noises. Strangely, when they grow up, the young people often exhibit the opposite symptoms.

Halletosis (Hallay-toes-is)

[PeterBale]

Halletosis (Hallay-toes-is)


n. Condition particularly prevalent in the North-West of England, caused by toio many visits to venues such as the Bridgewater Hall, and subsequent excessive exercising of the feet in time with the music.

tambourdigitalis

[andyp]

tambourdigitalis

Extract of the foxglove plant, in it's pure form popular with 17th and 18th century percussionists. (cf Shakespeare "Oddsbodkins, this tambourdigitalis doth fill up the long and boring bits while the band is playing")

Accentopolis

[mikelyons]

Accentopolis

Town in ancient Greece, often visited by PB in his youth, where the people spent all day, every day, angrily shouting at each other.The place was so unpopular with the neighbouring villages that they refused to do business with them and the inhabitants eventually died out. The gradual process gave rise to a new term "dim in you endo". This the neighbours took as a good sign because their levels of noise pollution were considerably reduced. Strangely, a few hundred years later when archeologists rediscovered the town, it appears that they were all cornet players. ;)

Plumbinglocker

[PeterBale]

Plumbinglocker

n. This little known nickname for a member of the percussion section stems from a certain fruit farmer: one particular year he had a bumper crop from his trees, but due to a sudden debilitating illness he was unable to harvest them in time, resulting in the bad fruit being dumped suitable receptacles prior to disposal. As this particular farmer also played tuned percussion in the local brass band, this gave rise to the term "plum-bin-glocker", still occasionally used today.


polycompanology

[mikelyons]

polycompanology

The art of being on one computer in the house while another member of the family thinks you are either working, practicing or on a different computer in the house. It appears that PB is a virtuoso ;)

Empatheticornetto

[PeterBale]

Empatheticornetto


n. A particular ice cream offered to someone who is feeling rather low.


pantechnicopercosis

[andyp]

pantechnicopercosis

The tendency of percussionists to have to buy bigger and older cars.(e.g. Volvo estates)

Rectilinear psuedoconductosis

[mikelyons]

Rectilinear psuedoconductosis

Otherwise known as 'back seat driving'. This is a particular talent in bass players and an annoying habit in trombonists and back row cornet players. :) These are the people who, in the case of bass players, know better than the MD and in the case of trombonists and back row cornets think they know better than the MD.

Bl. Adderbreaks

[PeterBale]

Bl. Adderbreaks

collective noun - contraction of "Black Adderbreaks", referring to the tendency of bass players, when faced with a particularly black passage on the page, to say to one another "I have a cunning plan", before proceeding to devise ever more complex alternative fingerings, or division of the spoils between the players (usually leaving the BBbs out of the equation altogether :mad: ). These plans, needless to say, usually fall at the first post, leaving the section in a bigger mess than they were at the outset.

supercornonumary

[mikelyons]

supercornonumary

Spare part on the back row who has a heart attack every time the MD asks him or her to actually lift the cornet up and play.

Conspiritaintive

[andyp]

Conspiritaintive

A group of people whining in order to get their own way .

Archaeobrassical

[mikelyons]

Archaeobrassical

An ancient form of flying cabbage. With it's deadly malodorous emissions it could stun its prey from half a mile away before pouncing. Victims were left with no friends and a strange desire to eat sprouts at all times of the year.

Technofinery

[andyp]

Technofinery

A musical version of The Emperor's Clothes, in which players think that playing lots of notes as fast as possible is the way to be considered a brilliant musician. (see also blastissimus and flannellitis).

Pneumonocornetisomanyhornitis

[mikelyons]

Pneumonocornetisomanyhornitis

One of a new breed of super bugs that is infesting bandrooms. This strain gives horn players a permanent grin on their faces ;) and causes the Principal cornet to wear a look of perpetual irritation, which makes it difficult to spot.

The only known cure is a band bonding session involving large quantities of alcohol (for medicianl purposes) and several silly games involving body parts.

Temperocornetical moment

[andyp]

Temperocornetical moment

When the cornet soloist gets so carried away he forgets where he is, totally confusing the band in the process.

Alcohornetophorical

[PeterBale]

Alcohornetophorical

Adjective used to describe the occasional effects of overindulgence on the part of the middle of the band. When in such a state they exhibit a tendency towards delusions of grandeur, feeling that they are of undue importance, and should be relieved from the playing of chug-chugs and given a tune instead. Fortunately, the condition soon passes and the status quo is usually restored before any lasting damage has been done.


Concornettoperititis

[mikelyons]

Concornettoperititis

The tendency of some cornet players to wear tights. Although when asked they either deny all knowledge or say it's only when they go fishing in the winter or it's in case they need to fix a fan belt, in reality it is just a way of displaying their essential femininity.


Antimonitis (anti- munny-tis)

[PeterBale]

Antimonitis (anti- munny-tis)


n. An extreme reaction encountered amongst certain brass band afficionados when the suggestion is made that some players - but not, of course, themselves ;) - benefit from "inducements" to encourage them to play for certain bands. Sufferers tend to be impervious to suggestions, no matter how well documented, that this is "not a new thing", and tend to forecast the impending implosion of banding as we - or rather they - know it.

batonoscriptology

[mikelyons]

batonoscriptology

A new artform which has developed from standard conducting technique. In order to create a work of this genre, you have to have a conductor beat time in any piece that has rapidly changing time signatures at a reasonable speed. If the baton does not spontaneously combust, you are allowed to set fire to it before the conductor begins. There are likely to be a number of batonscriptology masterpieces to be performed/created at this year's area contests.

Intersectionality

[Will the Sec]

Intersectionality

The instance of a group of musicians playing perfectly in tune.

HammerRubbish

[SuperMosh]

HammerRubbish

The short descriptive term used to describe a percussionist's failings on a test piece.

Solledinomy

[andyp]

Solledinomy

"Solemn Melody" played by an extreme drunk.

Baton Geometry

[mikelyons]

Baton Geometry

A very simple group of mathematical shapes taught to (but seldom learned by) conductors. The line, the triangle and the cross, with a few variations for extra difficult time signatures. Unfortunately many conductors insist on adding words like "Watch the stick" which is pointless as it is usually pointed at someone else at the time and not making anything like the correct gestures at the time.


Teststickulation

[andyp]

Teststickulation

When the conductor deliberately beats wrongly to see if the band is watching
them. (When done accidentally, this is known as "Knitting").

Mordentophorosis

[mikelyons]

Mordentophorosis
That particlular sadness that overwhelms bandsmen when 1) they know they've lost the contest; 2) They know the bar is shut; 3) Both.

Fulminatubation

[andyp]

Fulminatubation

That special kind of low- octave muttering that only comes from the bass section.

Pseudowagging

[mikelyons]

Pseudowagging

Wannabe conducting by a joker who thinks he can. :)

Semisolidslidositis

[andyp]

Semisolidslidositis

What happens when you oil your valves (or slides) with WD-40.

(yes I once did :oops: )

valvewaggleometer

[mikelyons]

valvewaggleometer

A device used by cornet players to see how fast they can waggle their valves. Not use by any other section because nobody else needs to fool the conductor into thinking that they are playing the right notes at the right time.

Tentatrivia/diffidentatrivia

[rodeband]

Tentatrivia

Misc useless information regarding camp people

Trombarinet

[mikelyons]

Trombarinet

A safety device kept by the horn section for catching those Trombonists and Solo Baritone players who get fed up of screaming up into the gods in every piece, and of being told to play quietly and decide to end it all by jumping off a cliff or high building.

Asphinxia

[andyp]

Asphinxia

Choking when asked to play "The Caliph of Baghdad".

Malfornotation

[mikelyons]

Malfornotation

The cheap thrills obtained by the band nerd on examining the score of any piece published by R Smith and Co. The person concerned (It could be you:eek: ) could be in any section of the band but is probably a pseudowagger (cf.)

This type of personality is easily spotted by the crossed eyes, buck teeth, thick glasses and bad complexion. Sometimes also wears an anorak with a furry hood.

Consternotation

[PeterBale]

Malfornotation

Consternotation

n. A passage deliberately inserted into a test piece to confuse, bamboozle and flummox both players and conductors. Written in a combination of unusual metres, the more perceptive conductors will eventually discover that it is really a steady 4/4 tempo, and will rewrite it accordingly.

Adastratrompetitis

[andyp]

Adastratrompetitis

The feeling of wanting to throw an irritating player as far away as possible. Preferably out of the atmosphere altogether......

Glissobassundo

[annieds]

Glissobassundo - A fast downward scale from which the sound of the last half octave is missing although the player appears to be concentrating and the fingers are moving furiously. An effect executed by lower cornets, bass players and reps when they think that the MD is too stupid to notice that they're not really playing.

Sinistoglaria

Annie

[mikelyons]

Sinistoglaria

The kind of look a conductor gives to the bass section when he knows they've played a wrong note/out of tune etc but can't prove it. Sinistoglaria can be induced by carefully lipping notes in either direction in sections of the music where part of the cornet rank have the same notes in a different octave.

Cognititis cornetosis

[geordiecolin]

Cognititis cornetosis

n. Species who has a unexplained desire to do everything unfeasibly fast and in a raucous manner.


Euphonorio

[mikelyons]

Euphonorio

n. A bass player who thinks he's better than he really is and plays euph as a side line. ;)

Hornorarium

[WhatSharp?]

Hornorarium

Small glass tank in which to keep and breed your pet horn players.

Contestimony

[PeterBale]

Contestimony

n. Contraction of "con" and "testimony" which occurs when one player admits to having covered another part on the contest stage, ie soprano covering solo cornet, or flugel covering solo horn

Contratromfortism

[DaveR]

n. Contraction of "con" and "testimony" which occurs when one player admits to having covered another part on the contest stage, ie soprano covering solo cornet, or flugel covering solo horn

Contratromfortism

The loud, raspy noise made by bass trombonists during periods of great excitement, for example when a cornet player has offered to buy a round of drinks after a rehearsal! :tongue:

Diddleumtious

[mikelyons]

Diddleumtious

adj. A term used to describe a cute drummer whom all the girls in the band fall in lust with. It is a corruption of Diddleumchug, which is not a word for use on a family-friendly forum. :p

Pursetatistics

[PeterBale]

Diddleumtious

adj. A term used to describe a cute drummer whom all the girls in the band fall in lust with. It is a corruption of Diddleumchug, which is not a word for use on a family-friendly forum. :p

Pursetatistics

Postscript on Diddleumtious:

The addition of a uniform with a red beret makes the said drummer even omore attractive, hence the term "paradiddleumtious" ;)

Pursetatistics

An obsession usually to be found amongst band committee members, the worst affected being the treasurer, when they realise that the amount of subs collected falls short of the essential outgoings of the band.


Cornettomastication

[andyp]

Cornettomastication

The actual biting or chewing of an ice cream, causing those around with sensitive teeth to cringe and turn away,

Squeezafluff

[PeterBale]

Squeezafluff

n. The result of attempting to produce a note at the upper end of the register which is actually beyond your individual range.


Knellerhallism

[mikelyons]

Knellerhallism

(med.) A tendency found in certain types of bandsperson to click their heels together and salute every time they hear or read the name Major Peter Parkes.

This is a reflex action, similar to, but not the same as Mad Margaret's use of Basingstoke.

Baletonation

[PeterBale]

Baletonation

n Bal-eton-ation: The creation of special dances to be performed by young men in stiff white collars and black suits. Particularly prevalent along the Thames, and often accompanied by groups of between two and eight performing a form of aquatic display commonly referred to as "putting their oar in".

Capricornitosis

[andyp]

Capricornitosis

Commonly known as "old goat's disease" - the tendency of very very old banders to say things like "it wasn't like this when Dyke played it at Belle Vue in 1952".

Malevolhornce

[PeterBale]

Malevolhornce


The theft of a tenor horn on the eve of a contest: roots in the french language, "mal" = "bad"; "vol" from "voler - to steal".

Tridecolexicography

[andyp]

Tridecolexicography

A 13-volume dictionary.


Martellatinomento

[mikelyons]

Martellatinomento

A piece published by Bernaerts which is a solo for xylophone and/or marimba in a latin stle, loosely based on the Schubert's "Moment musical". Ideal for park jobs. ;)

Gorgonstiltskin

[andyp]

Gorgonstiltskin

A very small woman who can turn men to stone just by looking at them (can also turn straw to gold, etc). See also hippocrocadogapig,

Operatonissiimo

[mikelyons]

Operatonissiimo

n. That particular tone belonging to prima donnas and euphonium players when dealing with us lesser mortals. Somewhere between a whine and a shriek that demands "Why don't you do the whole world (ME) a favour and just evaporate?"

Cornestupefication

[PeterBale]

Cornestupefication

n. The effect on the upper section of the band following their decampment to the bar at the conclusion of a contest performance. A similar, but less extreme, effect can be observed in players of larger instruments, but tends to be inversely proportionate to their size and weight, hence being barely observable in bass players.


polyculinerisis

[DaveR]

polyculinerisis

The law specifically prohibiting the cooking of parrots in Oxford, passed in the late 17th century and never repealed.

Prestandologism

[rodeband]

Polyculinerisis

When too many cooks spoil the broth!

Trans-mute-ation

[andyp]

Prestandologism

The matnra of "please do not trap my fingers, please do not trap my fingers, please do not trap my fingers....." intoned just before putting down a music stand.

Trans-mute-ation

The ability of the mute you need right this second to teleport 9 inches to the right of where you thought you put it down. Happens frequently in pieces by Goff Richards.

Finalissimo

[PeterBale]

Finalissimo

A name given to the tendency amongst conductors of exaggerating the markings in the final section of a test piece, so that pianissimos disappear, fortissimos burst the eardrums, lentos come to a halt and prestissimos go so fast that all the valves have steam coming out of them.

baranalysis

[DaveR]

baranalysis

Often used in conjuntion with wewuzrobbed (q.v.), this is the practice of debating the relative merits of the recent performance of bands in a brass band contest scenario, usually by people who haven't actually heard any of the bands under discussion.

valveclatteration

[Will the Sec]

valveclatteration

A disease oft cited as only curable by a lottery grant. Success rate is low, and instances of other afflictions on replacement instruments are not uncommon.

almostfunnyname

[mikelyons]

almostfunnyname

An affliction of bands in the L&SC section that causes groups of between 20 and 30 players to band together ands give themselves a silly identification signal. Current examples are: The London meatgrillers foundation association, the anthrax for londinium horn sound and the fulham bricklayers band. ;)

barbitchuration

[andyp]

barbitchuration

The method used by some conductors when rehearsing a test piece that involves taking bars apart down to the last note and then sticking them back together, not always in the right order and often resulting in it being even less together than it was before they started.......

Trommoanatics

[rodeband]

Trommoanatics

The tantrums displayed by trombonists when presented with a part written in tenor clef !

Antimixolydianarianism

[andyp]

Antimixolydianarianism

Complete refusal to listen to "Candle In The Wind" ever again.....


Alcoforte

[mikelyons]

Alcoforte

A dynamic mark used by trombonists when they have had a few drinks because they think it sounds good. Unfortunately nobody else does.


Prestipanicato

[rodeband]

Prestipanicato

Involuntary acceleration made by front row cornets when presented with hemi-demi-semiquavers

Tuba-cuelosis

[mikelyons]

Tuba-cuelosis

A syndrome found in bass players, particularly in Finlandia, where cued parts are played in by all the bass section even though only one instrument (eg solo euphonium) is supposed to be playing. The main cause of this problem is sheer boredom.

Tankardism

[PeterBale]

Tankardism


n. The tendancy for players of musical instruments to hid behind a shell - hence the inclusion of "tank" - when rhythms or notation are incorrect, especially during rehearsal. Often accompanied by the well-worn phrase: "Who sir? Me Sir? No Sir!!!"


Polyphoniphobia

[mikelyons]

Polyphoniphobia

n: An unreasoning fear of an old-fashioned record label now part of the DG group. The smell of shellac is often enough to trigger a reaction.

Also associated with mechanical sound producing machines of ancient vintage.

Incomperant

[PeterBale]

Incomperant


n. An economics term for the post-nuclear holocaust world, for assessing the prosperity of a country according to the number of insects surviving the big blast, ie: Incom-per-ant.


Isobellitubist

[mikelyons]

n. An economics term for the post-nuclear holocaust world, for assessing the prosperity of a country according to the number of insects surviving the big blast, ie: Incom-per-ant.

Isobellitubist

n: A term descriptive of a tuba player after liposuction. (The same girth all the way round!)

Tamboreine

[rodeband]

Tamboreine

A French river that makes a quaint tinkling sound as it flows past Salvation Army Headquarters.

Hornycosis

[Ipswich trom]

Hornycosis

A highly infectious disease whereby the sufferer is unable to put down their musical (normally brass) instrument. Closely related to the equally contageous

Bandonitis

[PeterBale]

Bandonitis

n. The rules laid fown for a university-based band that preclude professors from playing alongside their students.

Ocarinosism

[mikelyons]

Ocarinosism

The sound made by a cornet player who has been forcibly trained to play the peruvian nose flute (often at the behest of one of the bass section). Although the cost of insertion is nil, the cost of removal is not lightly undertaken by the NHS.

Pedinorisation

[bassmittens]

Pedinorisation
The unusal formation of reptile shapes when growing vegetables.


Grinklesfeed

[andyp]

Grinklesfeed

What bass players get paid.

Runnicato

[PeterBale]

Runnicato

The mess you have to clean up when the family pet has eaten something it shouldn't have :eek: :mad: :oops:

Hippoperatics

[mikelyons]

Hippoperatics

Fireworks operated by large aquatic mammals - also spelled hippopyratics. These displays are usually accompanied by loud boring music sung by large-bodied, matronly ladies of a certain age. ;)

Imperatonious

[PeterBale]

Imperatonious


n. The strident sound produced by brass players when attempting to depict the spectacles of ancient Rome, often accompanied by pictures of fanciful instruments that would be quite incapable of producing the harmonics recorded on the soundtrack.

dodecaphonium

[andyp]

dodecaphonium

An unusual brass instrument invented by Schoenberg, which can play twelve notes simultaneously.

kaleidoscopercussionist

[PeterBale]

kaleidoscopercussionist


n. Variant spelling of "collidoscopercussionist", being the sort of player who is in such a hurry moving from one piece of kit to the next that they are unable to avoid a collision with various items of equipment. Gives a new meaning to the term "crash cymbal" :eek:

supercarbohydrophone

[mikelyons]

supercarbohydrophone

The kind of bandsperson who can eat (and drink) for England. It must include the ability to synthesise notes of extreme range from various forms of starch, alcohol and cellulose. ;)

seratonotubist

[PeterBale]

seratonotubist


n. Inspired by the familiar and popular song "Que sera sera", this title is given to the player of low brass who, when encountering a page full of black notes, wiggles his (or her) fingers and hopes for the best.

"vivavocellerando"

[mikelyons]

vivavocellerando

A kind of speed change in the music where the rules of musica ficta (q.v.) state that the player has to keep up a constant stream of verbal commentary and invective while playing. A good player can mutter such mantras as "******, sh*t, cr*p" and "who wrote this rubbish...?" while continuing to improvise notes around those actually written.

Tamtamnabulation

[PeterBale]

Tamtamnabulation


n. The elation experienced folowing a massed band concert when one has succeeded in getting away with the other band's gong, being much better quality than ones own.


polykebabitis

[andyp]

polykebabitis

The desire to shove a skewer right through your neighbours irritating parrot.

Multisambucaphonics

[mikelyons]

Multisambucaphonics The multiple throat warbling noises generated by inexperienced bandspersons on having imbibed too much foreign alcohol. Experts can obtain a minimum of four distinct pitches. Two from each end of their anatomy at the same time.

Cantaccountism.

[mikelyons]

I want to revive this thread - especially with the current interest in the crosswords thread.

I'll define my own word and start you off with a new one:
Cantaccountism

A condition afflicting band treasures who both find it difficult to make ends meet for the band and who develop sybaritic and incredibly lavish lifestyles as a result of their affliction. I feel a certain amount of pity for these individuals, don't you?

Hygeineatrophy

[Will the Sec]

Hygeineatrophy

The wasting disease caused by Bass players undertaking ablutions too often. (More than once a year.)

Badinage

[steve butler]

Badinage

Condition suffered by many bass players who get worse (in all sorts of ways) as the get older.


Presstissimo

[Mesmerist]

Presstissimo

Ironing done in a hurry


Relationitus

[steve butler]

severe inflamation of the ear canal due to pressure from high pitched wailing from her indoors

carpetbagger

[Mesmerist]

Job description of one who cleans up pet poo from cars into little bags. Usually female. (the cleaner - not the pooist)


moisturist

[steve butler]

someone capable of creating dampness without the use of divinity


Methodist

[mikelyons]

A religious belief system, other than the Catholics, who feel that life is better if the peasants don't actually enjoy themselves, but spend all day in church and, furthermore, have to do it sober!

Terminology

[steve butler]

The lowest ology in the ologystic table


blather

[mikelyons]

Second rate shaving foam.

antibody

[steve butler]

against the human form (mmmmmmmm)


festering

[mikelyons]

Belonging to and representative of the Addams family.

Superfluous

[steve butler]

quiet bass player


effluent

[mikelyons]

State of being unaccountably wealthy. Usually applied to those whose money has not been seen to be earned honestly.


calcified

[Will the Sec]

From Calcification, the situation where a conductor takes marches at 80bpm despite being in the army for 22 years.

Tristadecaphobia

[Masterblaster jnr]

the fear of ten bands playing tristan encounters.

Rilegato

[mikelyons]

An angry conductor.

boredoom

[Will the Sec]

Tristadecaphobia


the fear of ten bands playing tristan encounters.

Na, sorry. It's the fear of being drawn number thirteen...

[DMBabe]

An angry conductor.

boredoom

The feeling that occurs when watching the new Indiana Jones film..... a combination of bored and in impending sense of doom about having wasted 2hrs of ones life that one will never get back!!!!:eek:

antirecombobulative

[Masterblaster jnr]

against flammable natives.

demisemicrotchibraverinimotted

[DMBabe]

A rash of indeterminent pattern or size

Buckfastification

[Masterblaster jnr]

the art of staying on a bronco on it's top speed

Rallargando

[mikelyons]

The kind of sudden change of tempo made by the horn section when they realise that teh composer has set them a trap by writing something that only looks like um-chucks, but isn't.

Innoscentosis

[steve butler]

an affliction affecting persons of tender age manifested in meaningless statements/questions/threads/posts, and a total refusal to play with their train sets/ dolls/ meccano/ corgi's/ etch a sketches etc.


Senility (brace yourself Mike - I'm cowering behind the keyboard as I tip tap gently at 2 words a minute)

[Masterblaster jnr]

Bass Players.

Fatalic McCannic Death Stare (i cower in a corner, it's not a nice thing the McCann death stare)

[mikelyons]

(*Am I losing the plot here? It feels like it!)
Senility: n. The result of a mis-spent youth in banding, including such activities as drinking, wenching and razzing. Symptoms include forgetting what you were...


Timpanorichman

[Masterblaster jnr]

A very wealthy person who hits a timp hard.

Blacknoteaphobia

[mikelyons]

An unreasoning fear developed by horn players when confronted by other than um-chucks!

pertrumpeting

[Masterblaster jnr]

The combination of percieving a trumpet. E.G the delph whit friday website

[mikelyons]

again!...




...



...




...














;)

[steve butler]

ssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh





ssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh





shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh







shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh








ssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh






Tumble town is all quite - awaiting the arrival of jonny the kid
dictionary toting wordslinger.

[mikelyons]

Mr Masterblaster has left the building. Someone please step up to the line! :biggrin:

[steve butler]

When Jonny comes marching in again (shout) hurrah hurrah :D

[Masterblaster jnr]

Look Who's Back :woo :woo :metal:

Abcentenarian

[DMBabe]

Someone who shows pride in having missed 100 band rehearsals yet still expects to keep "their" seat!

Polyperpendicularifacatedfajitadomicilary

(get that one roond ye!!!)

[mikelyons]

The Mexican inventor of a new kind of plastic material used for making large coasters/placemats. Because the Mexican diet contains lots of beans, he was prompted to produce an object that defies explanation or excuse. The Polyperpendicularifacatedfajitadomicilary has a number of both vertical and horizontal posts for impaling flatbreads so that they can be filled with a variety of bean recipes without blowing away in the wind.

;)


Halitosectomy

[DMBabe]

The god given right to forcibly eject a neighbour at band from the premises if their breath causes offence!

Curly-wurlification:D

[Masterblaster jnr]

the art of making a normal object into a cadbury brand of chocolate

Schlanky Spanky Hanky

[DMBabe]

The skill of blowing ones nose with a leather fringed cloth....

Condimentriosification

[mikelyons]

The slow but certain solidification of the salt and/or pepper inside the pot/mill/shaker.

Trillmarillion

[steve butler]

Woman with shaky voice joined in wedlock to General Good Egg


Dodgy

[Masterblaster jnr]

the art of playing something right, wrongly.

Sailamatics

[mikelyons]

The fingering used by the front row when a passage in a piece of music should be a breeze for the back row, but causes them problems.

Pince-notes

[Masterblaster jnr]

the type of notes only ponce soprano players play.

Chromaticitis

[DMBabe]

The inability to play consecutive notes without swearing profusely. Cured by copious amounts of Vodka and the all important Cranberry juice!;)

Donnerbiryanism

[mikelyons]

The unique inabilityof the inebriated to distinguish between curry and kebab, having just eaten both.

(Mind you it can be hard to discern which is which on regurgitation)

Marquetrompeter

[DMBabe]

The unique inabilityof the inebriated to distinguish between curry and kebab, having just eaten both.

(Mind you it can be hard to discern which is which on regurgitation)

Marquetrompeter

depends if the curry contains sweetcorn or carrots.....:eek:

A trumpeter who insists on wearing clothes stolen from the wardrobe of Demis roussos!

pringlenachodiscombobulation

[mikelyons]

the inability to distinguish between two types of salted snack brought about by an overdose of alcohol. Is usually cleared up by vomitus.

terpsichoredigititis

[steve butler]

Liquid used for cleaning fingers after work


Honarblackmariaman

[mikelyons]

A type of policeman who arrests perverts addicted to scenes where The Avengers heroine is dressed in very revealing black leather outfits and kinky boots!

Antipositionary

[steve butler]

Uncle on a mission


Nearknuckleosis

[mikelyons]

A marked inability to avoid making off-colour remarks in situations that are inappropriate. A kind of mild tourette's.


Bassoonest

[DMBabe]

The bass player(s) in a band who insist on playing ahead of the beat!;)

laserphasertastification

[mikelyons]

(*No such thing. All respectable bass players play somewhere behind the beat! :oops: )
What happens to a sop player after a night out on the curry who then has to play super C for 15 minutes in a test piece.

Interferosterone

[DMBabe]

(*No such thing. All respectable bass players play somewhere behind the beat! :oops: )

Interferosterone
True, but like I said there's usually one who has to be "different";)

The hormone required to be a principal cornet and thus stick ones "bib in" in other sections business, where it is neither desired nor required!!!:hammer

oomchaboomchickawahwahtasticism

[Masterblaster jnr]

a person who specialises in boomchickawahwahing

boomchickawahwahing

[DMBabe]

a person who specialises in boomchickawahwahing

boomchickawahwahing

You missed the all important oom-cha bit (mustn't be a bass or horn player then, oh hang on you are so should hence know better than to diss the oom-chas !!);)


The need to have a theme tune that follows you around to demonstrate how apparently alluring to the opposite sex one is!


oomphyboomphyhoedownyness

[Masterblaster jnr]

The bass feature near the middle of ballet for band.

Oompaoompaoompapapapaoompachickenegg

[Curiosity_Kills]

The practice of setting a brass band march as underscoring against a heated debate on the popular philosophical conundrum about what came first.

Vuggness

[mikelyons]

The practice of setting a brass band march as underscoring against a heated debate on the popular philosophical conundrum about what came first.

Vuggness

The lovely fluffy warm feeling you get when you have just farted and people around you think it was a pedal note - until the smell reaches them.


Fermiobombastonitis

[andyp]

Fermiobombastonitis

Disease usually caught from a borrowed Eb bass, whose owner last played it after a serious lager and curry evening.

fugsplatter

[mikelyons]

fugsplatter

A large dish of indeterminate material containing a fluffy mess of indeterminate origin - but possibly a cottage pie - that is eaten by cornet players after too much liquid refreshment.

Umphanormous

[DMBabe]

Umphanormous

The sound produced by a certain recently absent TMP God on his shiny happy newly purchased Rath Bass Trombone.:clap: ;)

Beeryfearyciderosis

[mikelyons]

An irrational itch in the elbow when a bandsman thinks the next concert is at a temperance venue.

Terrimacullinosis

[MoominDave]

A yeast infection suffered specifically by tortoises.

sausidity

[mikelyons]

an affliction of the erectile tissue in males over a certain age. (Too little too late!)

agenotomitis

[brassneck]

Self denial of the above described affliction in males over a certain age.

repetitivearrangivitus

[mikelyons]

A term used to describe a condition necessary for people who work for Bernaerts.

caramelingerer

[DMBabe]

Collective term for those who steal the toffypops and tunnocks caramel logs from the band biscuit tin...... you know who you are!!!!

Pollywollynoodledoodler

[steve butler]

person who likes to draw pictures of parrots in jumpers, using a special pasta brush.


curlysausageknocker

[themusicalrentboy]

Elton John.

overlybreasticulated

[mikelyons]

Description of a 'liberated' cornet player getting excited

Interpobassing

[MoominDave]

The quasi-deliberate practice of musical approximation at low frequencies, in the false belief that no-one else will notice.

wursteneiengeschadenfreudekeitkeitkeit

[mikelyons]

The poorest form of amusement for German instrumentalists, who take evil delight in the misfortunes of Bratschen (Violas)

Shumpfing

[MoominDave]

[Colloquial Yiddish orig.] Getting drunk on Manisschewitz wine at Passover.

Tokamak

[mikelyons]

An article of clothing worn by second trombone players that makes them look like Columbo. Kind of shifty and down-at-heel.

Termigorcity