A-Z of How to annoy ur conductor

[Tubah]

Die the week before a contest that you've got a solo in:cool:

[PeterBale]

Enter at fff instead of ppp

[meandmycornet]

Frown at him when he tells you to try and look like you're enjoying yourself!

[Tubah]

Get an old photo of him in the seventies complete with big hair and collars to match:cool:

[PeterBale]

Present him with an authorised list of errata the night before the contest.

[Brassy Lady]

Present him with an authorised list of errata the night before the contest.
Forgotten the A-Z bit?! :wink:


Get an old photo of him in the seventies complete with big hair and collars to match:cool:
Have a hissy fit at everything he says

[PeterBale]

Imitate his every mannerism

[WhatSharp?]

Joke about how his toopé (hair piece, can't spell ) flaps when he conducts fortissimo

[Ffion Flugel]

Kilt - similar to above

[andyp]

Light a small fire with his score.

[ronnie_the_lizard]

'..mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........' quietly in the background while he tries to make his rousing pre-contest performance speech.

[PeterBale]

Nick his baton :mad:

[Bryan_sop]

Open all the windows when it's really windy so all the music gets blown off of the stands

[PeterBale]

Play everything up a semitone

[englishgill]

question his interpretation of rubato

[PeterBale]

rall at the end of every hymn-tune :mad:

[ronnie_the_lizard]

Say "I'm sorry, but if it comes to a straight choice between band rehearsals for the area and watching a repeat of 'pimp my ride' on the telly you'll find me in my living room."

[WhatSharp?]

Take your kids to rehearsal and allow them to play drums :D

[PeterBale]

Upset a cup of coffee over the score he's just spent hours marking up

[ronnie_the_lizard]

Vrite a letter explainink you Von't be at ze band no more as you have becomink a Vampire.

[PeterBale]

Wait until the day before the concert to let him know you can't be there

[Flutey]

Xterminate him :D

[ronnie_the_lizard]

Yell out "a-one, two, three, four..." as a lead in to every piece, (no matter what the time sig).

[WhatSharp?]

Zany antics in the bandroom!

[ronnie_the_lizard]

"a-one , two, three, four" at the beginning of each piece, regardless of time sig, (and even after being told not to after "Y" above)

[PeterBale]

Break his baton in half when he criticises your playing

[Ffion Flugel]

Crochet tablemats in bars' rest

[Bryan_sop]

Drug his tea/coffee in the interval

[PeterBale]

Empty the pads of everything except Floral Dance and Hootenanny :mad:

[Sopha]

Flip his baton in the air and make sure it lands straight on his head Lol!

[Flutey]

Grant him three wishes and then tell him you aren't a genie

[PeterBale]

Hide his programme notes - and especially the excruciating jokes

[Brassy Lady]

Illuminate his stand with disco lights

[PeterBale]

Jig up and down in the middle of the euph solo in Resurgam

[pdj]

Keep swapping your mouthpiece before a contest!!

[PeterBale]

Leave your mouthpiece in your other case

[ronnie_the_lizard]

Melt everyone's mouthpieces down and sell them as scrap metal to help the "mend the bandroom roof" campaign.

[PeterBale]

Notify everyone that he had resigned

[ronnie_the_lizard]

Order 10 sets of 'Zulu' so you can play it continuously for the first half of the next concert.

[PeterBale]

Pick holes in his conducting technique

[Ffion Flugel]

Query the speed of every piece he conducts

[PeterBale]

Refuse to watch the baton

[ronnie_the_lizard]

Split any note above the stave (Sop players only)

[PeterBale]

Take everything down the octave (BBb basses only)

[Bryan_sop]

Unexpectedly resign from the band

[PeterBale]

Vote for him to be replaced :mad:

[jmb83]

whistle instead of playing properly

[Brassy Lady]

eXtend each note by an eXtra beat

[ronnie_the_lizard]

[unsubtle loud whisper]

"You see the conductor's hair, it's nowt but a wig is that"

[/unsubtle loud whisper]

[HelenMcBaritone]

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz during practice

[Bryan_sop]

Ask stupid questions

[ronnie_the_lizard]

Belch loudly, preferably with severe garlic breath, and then, even though everyone knows it was you, turn around and blame it on the BBb player.

[Bryan_sop]

Cry if/when he offers you constructive criticism

[blindingbass]

drink mass amounts of beer before going on stage

[blindingbass]

elope with his daughter

[blindingbass]

forget to turn up for rehersal

[blindingbass]

get your mates to phone you every ten mins in rehersal but tell him you are on call

[blindingbass]

help his wife adjust her bra

[blindingbass]

Invite everyone but him to a party

[blindingbass]

jump up and break out into song in middle of a concert

[blindingbass]

kill his pet budgie

[blindingbass]

leave your music on the floor

[blindingbass]

move his stand outside the bandroom

[blindingbass]

not tell him your missing rehersal

[blindingbass]

open and drink a can of beer in the middle of a solo

[blindingbass]

pour the can of beer over his head in the midlle of someone elses solo

[ronnie_the_lizard]

quietly play "little F & G march" when he asks you to play from letter 'F' when rehearsing a testpiece

[PeterBale]

Roll an orange from your seat at the back when playing on a sloping stage

[Bryan_sop]

Shoot his Dog

[Ipswich trom]

Tie his hands behind his back.

[ronnie_the_lizard]

Unless he says not to, play all quavers / semiquavers in jazz style.

[honey bun]

When he's about to drop the baton all get up and walk out

[PeterBale]

When he's about to drop the baton all get up and walk out

Voluntarily omit a rehearsal letter, such as going from "U" to "W" :oops: :oops: :oops:

(next person carry on with "X" ;) )

[ronnie_the_lizard]

X-ray all bags and cases he has with him when he leaves the building to make sure he's not trying to steal any instruments.

[euphorium]

Yawn at his "when I played in the Royal Albert Hall" stories.

[Jan H]

Zinc-copper-alloy instruments that aren't played properly

[Bryan_sop]

Accuse him of being tone-deaf

[honey bun]

Voluntarily omit a rehearsal letter, such as going from "U" to "W" :oops: :oops: :oops:

(next person carry on with "X" ;) )

Sorry - must have had a blonde moment :oops:

Break his baton

[PeterBale]

Cancel the practice without telling him :mad:

[Bryan_sop]

Drain all the fuel out of his car

[englishgill]

enter a bar early but keep playing really loudly anyway

[ronnie_the_lizard]

Fake your own death, then hide behind the Bass Drum so you can hear what nice things he says about you at the next rehearsal.

[PeterBale]

Groan audibly when he requests the next piece of music

[Bryan_sop]

^ I sometimes do that anyway! :oops:

Hide his music

[honey bun]

Insists he buys a drink for the whole band every rehearsal (before it starts) :biggrin:

[ronnie_the_lizard]

Join the conductor's stand up to a van-der-graaf generator so his hair stands on end whenever he touches it.

[PeterBale]

Keep playing well after he's stopped conducting :mad:

(one of my pet hates in practice :eek: )

[ronnie_the_lizard]

Listen attentively to his inspired ideas about innovative and groundbreaking interpretation of a classic testpiece, and then play it exactly the same way you always have.

[PeterBale]

Move your chair so that the tall horn player in front of you is directly between yourself and the conductor.

[ronnie_the_lizard]

Nudge the tall horn player in front of you and ask him to move over as you can no longer see the conductor........ ;)

[PeterBale]

Offer to play trombone in practice when you've never touched one in your life.

[honey bun]

Play with a metronome and set it at a totally different speed when he starts to conduct

[PeterBale]

Query the starting point in a loud voice every time the band stops playing.

[honey bun]

Rummage around in the percussion bag that has bells, tambourine etc in middle of pieces

[PeterBale]

Stick your fingers in your ears every time the trombones enter :eek:

[Bryan_sop]

Stick your fingers in your ears every time the trombones enter :eek:

Isn't that advisable anyway? :confused:

Tell him his flies are undone just as he's about to start conducting

[Ipswich trom]

Use an alternative arrangement to the one he has the score of!

[ronnie_the_lizard]

Lick all the clean teaspoons just before he comes to stir his cup of tea at half-time.

[tillie]

Lick all the clean teaspoons just before he comes to stir his cup of tea at half-time.


Aren't we on V?

Very loudly burp

[ronnie_the_lizard]

Aren't we on V?

Very loudly burp

Worry about the fact that your computer seems to be 10 letters behind the rest of the world in the A-Z of How to annoy ur conductor (http://www.themouthpiece.com/vb/showthread.php?p=529119#post529119) thread, instead of worrying about why all your F's, G's and C's seem to be sounding a semitone lower than everyone else in the section.........

[Ickle.Hannah]

xhale very loudly during the nice pretty solos =] xxx

[Bryan_sop]

Yank his baton out of his hand and take over conducting yourself

[ronnie_the_lizard]

<shouting loudly>
"Zulu.....who votes for playing Zulu at the next concert."
</shouting>

[PeterBale]

Admit that "Hootenanny" is your favourite piece :eek:

[DramaQueenGems]

Bleet loudly everytime you play a specfic not in a piece, preferably the one that is in a pice the most.

As for Hootenanny i quite agree as we get asked to play it every year for the same concert, let's just say we don't need to rehearse it anymore

[PeterBale]

Count the bars rests on your fingers and toes :eek:

[ronnie_the_lizard]

Dare to suggest that perhaps the soprano (+/- Bass Trom) is a bit too loud.

[MissBraz]

Wind him up about his football team who are playing very poor in the premiership and is more than likely going to get relagated after a season of recieving promotion!!!
hahaha! Was VERY funny last night!!!!

[honey bun]

Wind him up about his football team who are playing very poor in the premiership and is more than likely going to get relagated after a season of recieving promotion!!!
hahaha! Was VERY funny last night!!!!

Bet it was funny but I think we're on E ha! ;)

Explain everything he's saying to the person next to you

[Bryan_sop]

Follow him home and stalk him

[RobBari]

Gasp and clutch your chest as if having a heart attack after playing a particularly loud and fast bit.

[msgiggles]

:D Hide his baton !! he he

[honey bun]

Ignore everything he says (as per norm!)

[msgiggles]

just be myself !!! he he

[waynefiler]

Keep playing boring bits up the octave

[honey bun]

Leave the room without saying anything

[Bryan_sop]

Moonwalk onto the stage

[MrsDoyle]

Never play below FF

[MrsDoyle]

Offer the back row cornets something that'll gum up their instruments

[Getzonica]

Offer the back row cornets something that'll gum up their instruments

:eek:

[MrsDoyle]

Play while extremely ****ed

[Getzonica]

Quit without saying anything

[Getzonica]

Read the music upside down

[MrsDoyle]

^^ that's what I've got the unpleasant duty of doing today

Snog him, with tongues, after eating 12 tins of Winalot

[Di B]

Tell him his anecdotes of playing with 'named people' or 'named bands' really doesnt interest you

[Getzonica]

^^that wouldn't necessarily annoy all conductors.....

Use biro or pernement marker instead of pencil to write notes

[MrsDoyle]

^ permanent marker

Voluptuously ask him out to dinner

[Getzonica]

^ i told you my spelling was bad.....

Whine when he asks you to play how he wants you to play

[MrsDoyle]

Xylophones - play everything a second below

[Getzonica]

yank the baton out of his hand

[StellaJohnson]

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz