View Full Version : Banders Story 3 - What happened next
Pages :
[
1]
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
More Gremlin fixing...
the previous 59 pages can be found at
http://www.themouthpiece.com/viewtopic.php?t=1690&start=0
The story continues...
--------------------
The night was still, the few nocternal sounds seemingly muffled by the thick and oppresive layer of low cloud that hung over the area.
It was dark... very dark in fact. The moon had decided not to peek out from behind the thick, roiling clouds, and the only light on Bander's Lane came from the old style lantern held by a hooded form as he shuffled down the cobbled street...
Cantonian
02.10.2003, 16:46
it was the evil Darth disguised as Obi
PeterBale
02.10.2003, 16:56
. . . not Obi Wan Kenobe, but rather Obi 'Orse, that well-known children's plaything . . .
Big Twigge
02.10.2003, 23:58
The "'obi 'orse" had a lantern so that he could see when doing night journeys for the little children of Bander's Lane, however he was often seen getting into difficulty when .....
the night was lit up by the sequins and outlandish costumes of tMP Gay Pride Parade coming down the lane...
PeterBale
03.10.2003, 08:26
. . . playing a selection of songs made famous by Judy Garland. they had just reached "Somewhere over the rainbow", to be played by Nadia in heart-rending style, when . . .
.. the original narrator stamped his foot in frustration over all his ruined atmosphere!
"Sequins and Parades!!!", he lamented.. "I just can't create anything anymore"
And with that....
he jumped up and exploided into a horse.........
Cantonian
03.10.2003, 12:23
he jumped up and exploided into a horse.........
manure ice lolly.
PeterBale
03.10.2003, 12:38
The narrator extracted himself from the evil-smelling mess, exclaiming "See, there are no flies on me!" just as . . .
Big Twigge
04.10.2003, 10:34
a helicopter flew past with an evil looking PeterBale on board, shouting to the hoards of people .....
"Stop hoarding people, it's not fair on everyone else.........."
cornetgirl
04.10.2003, 21:23
...but the hordes :!: wat had been hoarded could not hear him, as their ears were full of...
Sellers_Bird
05.10.2003, 02:00
...the horse manure lolly thats someone had exploded into earlier!...but...
Cantonian
05.10.2003, 14:09
then it didn't matter as they were a gaggle of adjudicators escaped from...
cornetgirl
05.10.2003, 14:31
..a secure padded box that someone had thoughtfully left in Dundee...
super_sop
05.10.2003, 15:01
unfortunately the contest comitee had forgotten to lock the box at the end of the competition, and the evil adjudicators hadescaped..................
Euph-Bari
05.10.2003, 15:05
.... they started to visit bands all over the country making comments.....
super_sop
05.10.2003, 15:09
on the playing abilities of the bands, and totaly anoying everyone else they came into contact with
PeterBale
06.10.2003, 08:53
They also had the nasty habit of leaving unemptied buckets in the corner of the room . . .
Big Twigge
06.10.2003, 16:30
that people who liked to walk backwards with their eyes closed often walked into, people such as....
PeterBale
07.10.2003, 16:01
. . .Mr Bump and Blind Pugh, both of whom had mysteriously signed up to join themouthPiece . . .
Cantonian
07.10.2003, 16:29
playing percussion and BBb bass respectively
PeterBale
08.10.2003, 08:24
Blind Pugh relied on a strange mixtue of intuition and guesswork to decide which note to play, and how long to hold it, which certainly led to some interesting effects, and on the march it was even worse . . .
when the car alarms started going off........
PeterBale
08.10.2003, 09:55
. . . because Mr Bump had foolishly been entrusted with the bass drum instead of Roger . . .
Roger Thorne
08.10.2003, 10:30
who had become so addicted to tMP that he now resides in a secure mental institution, and spends his day walking around the hospital banging an imaginary bass drum and singing the 2nd Baritone part to Mephistopheles.
:cry: :cry:
PeterBale
08.10.2003, 11:31
This is of great annoyance to Mephistopheles himself, who thinks he is Napoleon, and sings La Marseillaise at the top of his voice to try to drown out Roger's efforts.
Cantonian
08.10.2003, 12:53
It was this very same cacophonous institution that Harrison Birtwhistle lived in when looking for inspiration for Grimethorpe Aria, this institution being called by the name of.....
twigglet
08.10.2003, 14:59
tMP towers- a rest home for the...
insane bandspeople..
They were trying to get Trump Towers in Manhatten, but it was a bit pricey, and so the Tmp Towers were built in the middle of a bog in the Irish Midlands.. near Athlone..
PeterBale
08.10.2003, 15:08
. . . where Gilbert O'Sullivan got the inspiration for his hit song - "Athlone again, naturally".
and where Despot had to clean the puke off the floor of the bus (true story btw).
But that was then and this was now and Tmp Towers, referred to the affable, if thick natives, as "Turnip Towers" soared majestically out the celtic mists that surounded the town of Athlone. At the top of the tower.....
PeterBale
09.10.2003, 07:44
. . . the tMPers fanfare team stood, ready to greet the new day with their stunning rendition of . . . .
PeterBale
09.10.2003, 09:02
. . . followed by courgette carillon . . .
big_benthomson
09.10.2003, 12:51
...unfortunately for some, the old man's armoury was quickly loosening...
and swiftly fell apart revealing....
a mask, cape, and a humourously shaped turnip.
Yes it was Turnip Man, sworn defender of tMP Towers. With turnip in hand he..
Cantonian
09.10.2003, 23:56
demanded that the principal cornet and the principal euphonium play the duet ' I'll not Turnip back'
PeterBale
10.10.2003, 07:51
. . . followed in swift succession by the whole band with Returnip to Russia, Returnip to Sorrento and the selection from The Returnip of the Magnificent Seven . . . as they say, one good turnip deserves another.
Seedhouse
10.10.2003, 08:28
Suddenly a passer-by pounced on turnipman revealing his identity............. as Baldrick from Blackadder!!!! :shock:
PeterBale
10.10.2003, 08:55
Needless to say, he had a cunning plan in store for the tMPers, but what would it be . . . ?
twigglet
10.10.2003, 11:14
He planned to convince the world that it wasn't the tMPers that were mad, it was the rest of the world. With a turnip for a head however he wasn't being taken too seriously so he turned to.....
PeterBale
10.10.2003, 11:34
. . . Cornetgirl to see if rebuilding his teeth would do the trick . . .
Cantonian
10.10.2003, 12:14
but as turnip man was an ex-soprano player first she had to find them.
PeterBale
10.10.2003, 12:23
As she started her search, he turned to her and said "I know I had some there once - fangs for the memory!"
Big Twigge
10.10.2003, 17:00
and with that cornetgirl reached for some teeth substitutes in the form of....
PeterBale
10.10.2003, 17:22
. . . some jagged pieces of metal she had salvaged from the exploding horns a few pages before. Warning Baldrick that it would probably hurt, she proceeded to . . .
cornetgirl
11.10.2003, 15:10
...anyone within a 10 mile radius, because...
Cantonian
11.10.2003, 16:48
she had a 100000 rpm six foot long drill and it was...
Valvecap
12.10.2003, 11:44
tipped with...
PeterBale
13.10.2003, 08:10
. . . that would paralyse the lips and fingers of anyone it came into contact with . . .
and also turn their lips and fingers blue which when put next to their instrument turned thier instrument pink...
big_benthomson
13.10.2003, 15:39
incidentally, the players looked a tad on the camp side with their pink instruments, but all was well when...
beg_benthompson pranced over the hilltop brandishing a leapard-skin style umbrella and a large
PeterBale
13.10.2003, 16:55
beg_benthompson pranced over the hilltop brandishing a leapard-skin style umbrella and a large
sign saying "I am not big_benthompson, I'm somebody completely different who just happens to practise in a madhouse twice a week". . .
...however i have locked big_benthomson up in a room with a full set of pink instruments complete with pick fluffy cusions.......
Euph-Bari
13.10.2003, 23:51
.... and he is having the time of his life...........
Seedhouse
14.10.2003, 08:46
...but there is one problem...
one of the fluffly cusions has burst leaving feathers everywhere...
PeterBale
14.10.2003, 09:58
. . . and causing a massive outbreak of sneezing amongst the tMP band, including RT, who began to suffer a severe allergic reaction . . .
Seedhouse
14.10.2003, 10:31
..that made him...
PeterBale
14.10.2003, 11:57
. . . turn bright purple, and made his neck expand so much that his bow tie went flying across the room . . .
Cantonian
14.10.2003, 12:37
With this profligation of colours somebody shouted RAINBOW and who should turn up but Bungle, Zippy and George a.k.a......
Twigglet, Big Twigge, and Really Big Twigge... who had not been seen for months, due to..
PeterBale
14.10.2003, 12:59
. . . it being Autumn, and all the twigges kept falling to the ground . . .
...proving it impossible to get up. So ...
they just started rolling around the floor covering themselves ijn feathers....
which looked very funny if you didn't knoww what they were doing ... but ...
PeterBale
14.10.2003, 17:18
. . . what made it really strange was the treacle they rolled in first to get the feathers to stick . . .
... I mean what's the chances of finding a puddle of treacle bye the end of a tree???? ...
PeterBale
14.10.2003, 17:27
They must have landed up near the treacle lakes of Knotty Ash, just down the road from the jam butty mines . . .
... where the houses are made of chocolate and the dogs of liqourish ...
cornetgirl
14.10.2003, 20:17
Although have you ever tried eating a dog?
Cantonian
15.10.2003, 09:28
Although have you ever tried eating a dog?
This one could double in the October caption competition Rach!
PeterBale
15.10.2003, 09:36
Having consulted various recipe books, the tMPers decided to place the dogs between two halves of a bread roll, which made them quite palettable, despite the strange taste of the licorice . . .
because really who like licorice???...it tastes like aniseed only worse..the TMP-wers realised this and.....
PeterBale
15.10.2003, 10:58
. . . tried to mask the taste with thin slices of courgette and loganberries, with anchovy paste . . .
but this did not mask the taste, no it tsated worse so worse infact that homicidalbennyboy fell to the floor screaming.......
big_benthomson
16.10.2003, 12:09
... ''Noooooooo! i'll never triple tongue again!'', but he then realised he would need not to triple tongue again because...
Seedhouse
16.10.2003, 12:15
he couldn't do it anyway (sorry is that too harsh, i'll edit it if it is),
but fear not he had a mechanical tongue that enabled him to articulate better than any other player in the world!
Cantonian
16.10.2003, 12:46
he couldn't do it anyway (sorry is that too harsh, i'll edit it if it is),
but fear not he had a mechanical tongue that enabled him to articulate better than any other player in the world!
unfortunately this was a mixed blessing as he had been asked to stand as a local councillor and as he could not control his mechanical tongue it spewed out great wads of rubbish(verbally speaking). He had the awful nightmare that he could end up as Prime Minister one day.
cornetgirl
16.10.2003, 19:46
This could be construed as a mixed blessing - good for the brass band world and tMP to have a banding PM, but bad for the country...
as those who weren't tMP-ers would soon be affiliated to the musical world and leave all the public houses the length and breadth of the country without.......
Seedhouse
17.10.2003, 10:22
...any spare...
Big Twigge
18.10.2003, 09:07
teddy bears or hose-pipes because of the....
Seedhouse
18.10.2003, 18:47
...general shortage of...
and marmite, but then no sane person actually likes marmite anyway so....
so with this dilemma in mind.......
Seedhouse
20.10.2003, 10:10
...they substituted it for...
raisens and peanut butter which tasted nearly ad bad so then pyhtagoras.....
Seedhouse
20.10.2003, 10:35
...thought up of a theorem to work out sides of right angled triangles...
which really helped when placing the raisons on the toaST
PeterBale
20.10.2003, 11:10
. . . except that, when the toast was "The Queen, God bless her!" it still didn't seem to help very much. While they were joining in the toast, the mechanical teeth were slicing into their tongues and lips, so that the massed rendition of "Flight of the Bumble Bee" which followed sounded more like a plague of locusts . . .
twigglet
20.10.2003, 11:18
flying head first into a mould of wobbly green jelly (shaped incidently like a rabbit) and desperately trying to escape..
PeterBale
20.10.2003, 11:31
. . . but getting ensnared in the treacle lake . . .
Big Twigge
20.10.2003, 13:46
which was next to the treacle mines in Wem (honestly!) and
PeterBale
21.10.2003, 10:30
. . . it is a good thing that these were only allegorical locusts - not rabbits - or there could be devastation caused to the crops as well as the lack of beer. As it was, the world was saved from this fate, as the general public never were interested in pursuing the delights of banding.
While all this was going on, halfway across the world in the jungle, another threat was about to rear its ugly head . . .
big_benthomson
21.10.2003, 19:45
the pontins knockout drinking contest was about to begin in the prestatyn jungle...
pythagoras was in the lead so far....
boccing anyone who dared to stand before him...
until a shadow fell over the stage, and then entered...
the comedy hypnotist!!!!
....
who grabbed hold of Sparkley and dragged her on stage......
Seedhouse
21.10.2003, 22:06
...where suddenly...
she decided to recite Milton's Paradise Lost, but only the odd numbered pages, because..
Cantonian
22.10.2003, 11:14
she thought that if she read the other pages she would find Paradise and it would spoil the book not to mention change the title to...
Paradise Misplaced, which didn't have the same oomph
Seedhouse
22.10.2003, 11:41
...but then a tMPer thought of a really good name for it, it was...
Seedhouse
22.10.2003, 12:10
...all the other tMpers thought what kind of names that. So they asked why that was chosen and the answer was...
because it sounds good, although it actually means.......
Cantonian
22.10.2003, 12:24
Paradise lost,found,lost found,lost, found for a long time. The name comes from the west country dialect 'For long' sounding as Ferlange.
Seedhouse
22.10.2003, 12:45
...Seedhouse not believing this, found a dictionary where the correct definition was...
people with 6 toes..........on each foot.......
Seedhouse
23.10.2003, 08:51
ARGH! He thought, that's quite scary! :? :(
Cantonian
24.10.2003, 14:30
particularly as it is the name of a book. Confused? You bet!
Meanwhile, Sparkley...
johnflugel
24.10.2003, 14:36
THE END :D
big_benthomson
24.10.2003, 14:44
WHAT!!!??? :o :shock: surely not!!!???
noooooo. evil johnflugel turned up at the TMP-ers shalley trying to kill them all........
wewizrobbed
24.10.2003, 15:18
THE END :D
oh please! :hammer
Cantonian
24.10.2003, 15:23
noooooo. evil johnflugel turned up at the TMP-ers shalley trying to kill them all........
shouting THE END, THE END is nigh!
johnflugel
24.10.2003, 15:31
noooooo. evil johnflugel turned up at the TMP-ers shalley trying to kill them all........
:x And I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for you snooping kids!
The Cornet King
24.10.2003, 15:39
shouting THE END, THE END is nigh!
With the sound of evil Johnflugel declaring the end of the Earth all the Tmpers turned to each other and shouted...
johnflugel
24.10.2003, 15:41
go away and find us some players for the Wilkinson Open! :wink: (CJ understands!)
Cantonian
24.10.2003, 15:41
Oh No ii's not as 'In the beginning was the Word and.....
The Cornet King
24.10.2003, 15:55
Oh No ii's not as 'In the beginning was the Word and.....
the sound of Adam and Eve playing the Flower duet on Sop and Bb cornet accompanied by...
Cantonian
24.10.2003, 16:01
two earwigs and a tortoise on...
cornetgirl
24.10.2003, 22:20
swanee whistles and kazoo...
any other Clue fans here btw???
The Cornet King
25.10.2003, 12:07
Producing a rather unique sound reminiscent to that of...
Seedhouse
25.10.2003, 12:20
...a Wookie!...
floral_dance
26.10.2003, 14:25
a wookie :?
Seedhouse
26.10.2003, 20:11
yes the tMPers were certain ... it sounded like A WOOKIE! :shock: :P :lol:
PeterBale
27.10.2003, 10:51
At least they thought at first that it was a Wookie, but eventually realised that it was actually Nooky Bear, closely followed by Spitz the Dog and Orville, busy rehearsing for Butlins . . .
Big Twigge
27.10.2003, 15:05
but the question that was on everyones lips , written in a lovely shade of purple, was which animal is able to drink cider and nothing else (including oxygen) to survive?
PeterBale
27.10.2003, 15:13
The tMPers were debating the question very heatedly, and speculating that maybe that is why Orville is so green, when Twigglet spotted a feeding tube that seemed to be leading to Orville's beak . . .
Cantonian
27.10.2003, 19:45
which she traced back to....
PeterBale
28.10.2003, 08:26
. . . a secret tank concealed underneath the stage. When they investigated, it did not contain cider at all, but a strange mixture of egg yolk, pomegranate seeds and . . .
Big Twigge
28.10.2003, 08:33
pine kernels. Twigglet couldn't believe that Orville liked this mixture, she pesonally found it quite dull and so decided to spice things up with a little...
PeterBale
28.10.2003, 08:43
. . . vodka and some crushed mealie worms . . .
Big Twigge
28.10.2003, 08:55
which to the surprise of everyone in the room made him glow a beautiful shade of pink. He also started to ...
PeterBale
28.10.2003, 09:27
. . . fly as high as the sky - but found he couldn't, due to the feeding tube and the arm stuck up his back. Instead, the intoxicating mixture sent him as high as a kite, and he began to . . .
Barnstorm, much to the delight of......
The Cornet King
28.10.2003, 10:55
However Leisa's excitement was short lived as to the horror of onlookers...
PeterBale
28.10.2003, 16:39
. . . the pink/green duck took hold of her cornet and tried to play "There once was an ugly duckling", although it came out more like . . .
The Cornet King
28.10.2003, 16:42
How much is that Doggy in the Window! This annoyed the pink/green duck so much that it...
PeterBale
28.10.2003, 16:46
. . . set off at once for California, leaving the poor doggy at home.
Valvecap
29.10.2003, 00:56
This instantly resulted in the RSPCA been called, who called a line up to identify the offending owner. (see October Caption Comp) however...
PeterBale
29.10.2003, 09:34
. . . Watchdog, tMP's latest member, gave them all a ticking off for wasting their time when they could be off hunting for wind-band members or rogue adjudicators . . .
Big Twigge
29.10.2003, 16:51
With that the tMP members started their search once again for the rogue adjudictors. TO start with they headed for....
PeterBale
29.10.2003, 16:55
. . . the sunshine home in Dublin for blind Irish referees, but then realised they had been overcome by an attack of Boyce's disease . . .
Cantonian
29.10.2003, 19:50
which only normally affects fools and horses but...
PeterBale
30.10.2003, 08:52
. . . can go on in ever-decreasing circles until the good life has turned into porridge . . . (I'm sorry, I'll read that again . . .)
Seedhouse
30.10.2003, 15:17
.. and can cause side effects of...
Cantonian
30.10.2003, 15:26
growing an extra leg which would cause havoc in the Whit marches contests.
Seedhouse
30.10.2003, 15:31
..although...
PeterBale
30.10.2003, 15:31
. . . not least when the adjudicators were trying to check if the band had the right number of players :shock:
The Cornet King
30.10.2003, 16:02
This was easily solved however as most of the bandsmen were legless from the numerous pub visits along the routes, so 1 extra leg wasn't noticed :D . What was noticed however was the...
Cantonian
30.10.2003, 16:21
number of thefts from outside shoe shops.
PeterBale
30.10.2003, 16:28
. . . not to mention Boots :wink:
cornetgirl
30.10.2003, 23:13
...who seemed to have lost record numbers of blister plasters...
PeterBale
31.10.2003, 09:35
. . . and courgette baguettes, together with numerous sticks of lipsil . . .
Seedhouse
31.10.2003, 19:04
..which were used to..
cornetgirl
31.10.2003, 19:52
make it easier to get that third shoe on (no shoehorns for this lot!)
The Cornet King
31.10.2003, 19:54
For those with 3 legs however marching became rather tricky, but was solved by the genius Bb Bass player (as if! :lol: ) who recommended...
cornetgirl
31.10.2003, 20:03
...chopping off that pesky third leg - not just for ease of marching but for saving money on those specially made band uniforms...
The Cornet King
31.10.2003, 20:07
and so those pesky third legs just had to go... luckily the bands carpenter had brought his tools and set about the ghastly task of removing the legs. But only seconds before the first amputation, a cry could be heard in the distance..."...
Big Twigge
31.10.2003, 23:47
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, I've found a magical use for the pesky third leg, it doubles up as a fantastic.....
Seedhouse
31.10.2003, 23:53
...weapon used to biff players when they play wrong notes, forcing them to play correctly...
Big Twigge
31.10.2003, 23:58
This however was far easier to say that to do. Most banders were immune to a bit of biffing and so continued to play the wrong notes until suddenly....
Seedhouse
01.11.2003, 00:10
..the SPARE LEG SUDDENLY FELL OFF!!!...
PeterBale
01.11.2003, 09:42
. . . flying into the face of Seedhouse, causing serious damage to his mouth and teeth. Never mind, it was Cornetgirl to the rescue and, using some of the biros she collected at the last dentistry exhibition, she started to go to work . . .
Seedhouse
01.11.2003, 12:40
...ouch :!: He pleaded to Cornetgirl to make it so that he could carry on playing...
The Cornet King
01.11.2003, 14:06
...but it was an almost impossible job. After hours of intense surgery Seedhouse picked up his euphonium and blew, but it sounded like...
Seedhouse
01.11.2003, 14:22
..the most beautiful thing anyone had heard :lol: but to him it sounded like...
MoominDave
01.11.2003, 14:31
a gerbil
The Cornet King
01.11.2003, 14:45
But it wasn't all bad, as how can we forget the unique sound of the very first gerbil brass band, founded in...
MoominDave
01.11.2003, 15:19
...hope, but foundered in...
PeterBale
03.11.2003, 09:36
. . .their attempt to master the piece specially written for their debut by Rodentney Newton, a medley including such favourites as "The gerbil I left behind me", "Gerbil on my mind" and "The gerbil from Ipanema", all arranged in the style of George Gerbilshwin . . .
Seedhouse
03.11.2003, 09:39
...the piece however has been lost for centuries, and many have tried to find it...
Big Twigge
03.11.2003, 09:48
under the rock but alas nothing was found until....
Seedhouse
03.11.2003, 09:55
...they made a major technological break through by creating... "the wheel," this in fact turned the rock into a marvelous round sculpture that rolled down hills at incredible speeds, but caused...
Big Twigge
03.11.2003, 10:03
several mountain sheep to be squashed as to belted down the hill, to stop this one very clever tMPer invent something called a brake, this tMPer was none other than...
BeatTheSheep, who was acting completely against his/her username....
PeterBale
03.11.2003, 10:33
. . . by applying her newly-invented brake, thus allowing the sheep to reach the bottom of the hill first - it was a shear accident, though.
Seedhouse
03.11.2003, 10:50
(shear- nice one :lol: )
...but it didn't stop the problem of their annoying bleating :? ...
The Cornet King
03.11.2003, 10:52
or the sheepish looks on their faces as they got to the bottom. Annoyed at the fact some of their fellow sheep had been squashed the sheep...
PeterBale
03.11.2003, 11:01
. . . decided to defy convention by putting on wolve's clothing to scare BeatTheSheep and the other tMPers away from their mountain . . .
Seedhouse
03.11.2003, 11:28
..but the sheep found refuge in...
big_benthomson
03.11.2003, 14:40
... a dark hole, where they discovered...
The Cornet King
03.11.2003, 14:46
They discovered...PeterBale, organising a plot against the sheep!! :shock: All the tMPers were very angry at Peter and demanded he...
PeterBale
03.11.2003, 15:00
. . . got the chop, not to mention the mint sauce :wink: :!: :lol:
Big Twigge
03.11.2003, 15:18
Twigglet set on her way to pick up the other lamb from the butchers (literally she's just going) when all of a sudden
Cantonian
03.11.2003, 15:42
the ghost of Shari Lewis called out.....
PeterBale
03.11.2003, 16:04
. . . "Lamb Chop, Lamb, Chop, have you crossed the Shankly Gates :?: "
Cantonian
03.11.2003, 20:47
cos if you have You'll never walk.....
Seedhouse
03.11.2003, 21:26
..alone again" la la la *ahem* I mean in the darkness of the treachorous sheepy valley! :shock: ..
PeterBale
04.11.2003, 09:20
. . . As the ghostly voices were echoing around the valley of the crows, the sheep, still dressed in their wolves' clothing, were massing for attack: suddenly, they charged up the hill, heading directly for the bar where most of the tMPers had gathered, oblivious to all danger . . .
The Cornet King
04.11.2003, 11:07
...the tMPers were discussing the pro's and cons of Newcastle Brown Ale when the sheep, reminiscent to a Blitzkrieg strike...
Seedhouse
04.11.2003, 11:29
..began to bleat in a wild frenzied manner causing...
big_benthomson
04.11.2003, 11:56
... spontaeneous combustion within a air-tight confinement, but luckily, a big wet...
Cantonian
04.11.2003, 12:19
ram...
Seedhouse
04.11.2003, 13:18
..that came along and...
PeterBale
04.11.2003, 13:35
. . . diverted the sheep for just long enough for the tMPers to slip away, leaving their Newcastle Brown Ale to be supped up by the sheep. As they made their way up the mountain they were stopped by Aidan who had some earth-shattering news: . . .
The Cornet King
04.11.2003, 18:50
..."a rival brass band forum has been set up called 'the3rdvalvetrigger.com". Of course the tMPers couldn't believe such an outrage. And so all 1350 tMPers were assembled and marched at full speed to...
Cantonian
04.11.2003, 19:20
challenge them to a duel.
The Cornet King
04.11.2003, 19:22
However the3rdvalvetrigger had only 2 members, because it couldn't get close to the brilliance of themouthpiece.com. So all the tMPers laughed at the pathetic person, and his dog! John, leader of the tMPers claimed a glorious victory and told all the tMPers to...
cornetgirl
04.11.2003, 19:22
...the nearest pub...
where they stocked up on vodka (wodddka) and found a wine machine...
Seedhouse
04.11.2003, 21:19
...that produced...
super_sop
04.11.2003, 23:57
......wine!...........
neiltwist
05.11.2003, 00:41
...or was it?...
PeterBale
05.11.2003, 08:38
The red liquid produced by the machine did not come from the crushing of grapes, but was really . . . .
Seedhouse
05.11.2003, 10:09
...something that tasted much more like...
Cornishwomble
05.11.2003, 10:17
.....something that a startled cat would produce.....
PeterBale
05.11.2003, 10:20
. . . the taste you get when you bite your tongue. . . . Anyone seen the rogue adjudicators lately? . . .
Seedhouse
05.11.2003, 12:53
...it also had a hint of...
PeterBale
05.11.2003, 13:06
. . . ink . . .
Seedhouse
05.11.2003, 13:17
...mixed with...
neiltwist
05.11.2003, 13:41
...Newcastle Brown Ale...
Cornishwomble
05.11.2003, 13:42
...hence the funny taste....
Cantonian
05.11.2003, 14:14
This foul tasting liquid in fact shouldn't have been tasted as it was what James Mc Fayden used to write his manuscripts.
PeterBale
05.11.2003, 14:33
. . . and the recent solar flare had caused the liquid to congeal and become sticky: at least that was what the tMPers thought, until someone spotted a fingernail slipping out from the machine and into one of the beakers they were drinking from . . .
Big Twigge
05.11.2003, 15:28
as the beaker already had half a finger some hair and a mystery green item it was decided the fingernail wouldn't make much difference. So it was downed in one by none other than...
twigglet, long known as one who would eat anything, now testing the possibility of drinking anything
Big Twigge
05.11.2003, 15:35
which had already caused a few problems particularily when she came across a bottle of...
Big Twigge
05.11.2003, 15:43
as she hadn't got any broken bones so when she drank it a very strange think happened, bones started growing out of her.....
PeterBale
05.11.2003, 16:37
. . . head, until she began to look strangely like Rudolph . . .
Cornishwomble
05.11.2003, 17:21
....except her nose was green!
PeterBale
05.11.2003, 17:28
They contemplated changing the words and singing about "Twigglet, the Green-Nosed Reindeer", but RT was quick to remind them of the copyright implications. Instead, he decided to write a companion piece to his new baritone concerto, with obligato passages for Twigglet and Kerwintootle . . .
...which didn't go down too well in the tmp band, because.....
(I haven't logged on for ages, so I am about to sink into a sea of several thousand unread posts! Eeek)
Seedhouse
05.11.2003, 18:34
...someone made the mistake of thinking that...
Cantonian
05.11.2003, 22:14
the accompaniment had been scored for band when it had actually been scored for washboard and comb and paper.
The Cornet King
05.11.2003, 22:28
But ingenuity is the tMPers middle name and so with washboard, comb and paper the tMPers put down their instruments and...
Cantonian
05.11.2003, 22:41
cried..
The Cornet King
05.11.2003, 22:50
...with especially loud weeping audible from...
neiltwist
05.11.2003, 23:56
geordie colin
Cornishwomble
06.11.2003, 08:53
but then again it didn't help that someone was peeling a large tub of onions next to them.
PeterBale
06.11.2003, 08:57
. . . together with some leeks, shallots, and neeps 'n tatties for the celtic tMPers . . .
Seedhouse
06.11.2003, 10:38
...mixed with a hint of...
Cantonian
06.11.2003, 12:15
addled dinosaur eggs.
Seedhouse
06.11.2003, 12:22
...that had been bought by...
Big Twigge
06.11.2003, 12:25
PeterBale who thought he was appearing on an addition of themouthpiece ready steady cook. Everybody knew however that....
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.1.12 Copyright © 2012 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.