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Naomi McFadyen
20.07.2003, 12:02
Ok here is one for you all to answer "What gender is your computer?"

Is it Female because

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

Or is it Male because

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on

2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

TheMusicMan
20.07.2003, 15:20
Hey Naomi....

Mine simply HAS to be female because it multi-tasks - and as everyone knows, men cannot multi-task.... sorry guys....:(

... but then again, it doesn't nag me or answer me back, always (well nearly always [XP]) does what I ask without moaning, and will happily print out 'tMM is the best chap in the world' ad-infinitum if I asked it to....:) now not even the two most important females in my world (Jen - wife, Heather - daughter) would do that for me :!: :!:

:? :?

IckleSop
20.07.2003, 15:32
Hey..........

I have come to the conclusion that my computer is Male......

Because its usless and you haveto press the space bar over and over before it gets the message.....grrrr!

TheMusicMan
20.07.2003, 15:34
Hey..........

I have come to the conclusion that my computer is Male......

Because its usless and you haveto press the space bar over and over before it gets the message.....grrrr!

... but lest not forget what computer made that smart icon for you Ickle...http://www.themouthpiece.com/templates/subsilver/images/icon_mini_soap.gif :D :D :wink:

IckleSop
20.07.2003, 15:38
Hey..........

I have come to the conclusion that my computer is Male......

Because its usless and you haveto press the space bar over and over before it gets the message.....grrrr!

... but lest not forget what computer made that smart icon for you Ickle...http://www.themouthpiece.com/templates/subsilver/images/icon_mini_soap.gif :D :D :wink:


I know (thankyou MM) and your computer female!!!!....enough said!

Fishsta
20.07.2003, 15:58
My computer's either female, or a very vain male.

It gets pampered and streamlined all the time, all the useless startup stuff is disabled and regularly monitored, the Registry is kept trim and tidy, the only thing that runs at startup is my firewall.

It might run AOL, but it certainly DOESN'T use AOL 8, I have a broadband-enabled version of AOL 7 that is bug-free (AOL 8 really is awful), I'm very choosy about what gets run on it.

In return, it gives me trouble-free operation. :)

floral_dance
20.07.2003, 17:11
mine is male, slow to warm up, stubborn, twisted and goes off in its own direction without thinking of its lovely owner.

BTW fishta how to you disable all that start up stuff as mine is really slow?

Euph-Bari
20.07.2003, 17:32
mine swings between the two - one day its male - never crashes!
the next its female - always crashing at every point possible and blaming it on someone else

bigmamabadger
20.07.2003, 21:00
Mine's a pre-op transsexual.
Still clunky and awkward and single-minded enough to be male, but also temperamental enough to be female.
More hormones needed I thnk...

Pythagoras
20.07.2003, 23:41
Definitely female! It stops working for no apparent reason and won't tell me what's wrong.

gorgeous_bari!_player
21.07.2003, 01:09
Definetly Female
its tempremental - always wants its own way - and the slightest thing goes wrong or is out of place and it goes mad, and then when it finally makes u want to beat it with a blow up hammer, its makes u turn it on all over again

and i am Female

twigglet
21.07.2003, 10:46
mine is definately male because it is so unreliable! It can't keep up its connection
:wink:

Sueee
21.07.2003, 11:08
mine is definately male because it is so unreliable! It can't keep up its connection
:wink:

ditto! 8)

bladder
21.07.2003, 13:12
You know those blokes (:?) with proper tits?....

Mike Saville
21.07.2003, 16:37
You know those blokes (:?) with proper tits?....

eh? You've even confused me with that one, Blad.

Naomi McFadyen
21.07.2003, 16:41
You know those blokes (:?) with proper tits?....

eh? You've even confused me with that one, Blad.


Must be a first for you then Mike?? being confused? :-P

Fishsta
21.07.2003, 18:19
mine is male, slow to warm up, stubborn, twisted and goes off in its own direction without thinking of its lovely owner.

BTW fishta how to you disable all that start up stuff as mine is really slow?


Two ways:

1) As long as you're not running Windows 95, go to Start, Run and type in "MSConfig". Go into the "Startup" tab and remove everything non-essential. If you're not sure, search for the filename or description on www.yahoo.com or something. If it appears on either the "annoyances.org" site or "Winpatrol's most un-wanted list", it can usually be safely removed. As a matter of fact, practically all of it can, if there's anything you want to use (e.g. a scanner, printer or digital camera) you can always start the program or process manually just when you want it.

The only items I reccommend NOT removing are Systray and Scanreg.


2) You should get the following software:
RegCleaner (http://www.vtoy.fi/jv16/shtml/regcleaner.shtml)
DLL Archive (http://www.analogx.com/contents/download/system.htm)
Use DLL Cleaner once at first, it removes all obsolete DLL files, but keeps a backup in case anything doesn't work, so you can always bring them back. I've never had any problems with it.
RegCleaner is a FANTASTIC program. You can do what I reccommended in point 1 above with it, as well as remove obsolete registry entries to files and/or programs that are no longer installed or deleted.

You should run it regularly.

Also, don't forget your Scandisks and Defrags... leave them going overnight, preferably in Safe Mode.[/url]

Mike Saville
21.07.2003, 22:23
Must be a first for you then Mike?? being confused? :-P

Do you know something I don't??? (he says in a confused tone :) )

super_sop
22.07.2003, 00:03
Nice one Fishta, im gona try all that me self

bladder
22.07.2003, 00:15
You've forgotten option 3) Fishta..

3) Ditch Win$$ and switch to Linux. Hey, no problems. :D

Fishsta
22.07.2003, 01:29
You've forgotten option 3) Fishta..

3) Ditch Win$$ and switch to Linux. Hey, no problems. :D


I've never tried Linux, but I'm assured this is the case, apart from a few relatively mild compatability problems.

I also didn't mention option 4... it is reckoned that nothing speeds up a PC like a reformat and a fresh installation. Best way to do this is backup all your documents and stuff to CD or another partition on your hard drive, and then reformat and re-install your OS.

Of course, Windows XP doesn't like this much due to software activation, one of the DUMBEST things Microsoft have ever introduced.

Keppler
22.07.2003, 11:34
Of course, Windows XP doesn't like this much due to software activation, one of the DUMBEST things Microsoft have ever introduced.

I disagree. As a developer myself, it's ****** annoying seeing what little revenue you can get dribbling through your fingers by people hell-bent on getting around your copy-protection.
As a result, we've implemented software activation for the last 4 years, and it's enforced far more rigorously than Microsoft. The software doesn't run (period) unless we approve it.


Anyway. That's an aside..

Fishsta
22.07.2003, 11:54
I'm more referring to the fact that if you change more than four pieces of hardware in your PC, you can't open Windows XP. You need to contact Microsoft to re-enable your product ID for activation, then you can re-install it.

I agree with trying to stop piracy, but making life harder for the paying customers should not be an issue.

But it is.

bladder
24.07.2003, 13:34
I've said it once and I'll say it again...

Ditch Win$$ and switch to Linux. Hey, no whackers. :D

Keppler
24.07.2003, 13:37
we heard you the first time, thank you very much..

Mr Smiler
24.07.2003, 17:32
Er, back to topic...


There's an awful lot of gender bashing going on here guys.

Its not nice......Please stop it..... go on please........Oh what the heck:

Why itís GREAT to be a chap
Your backside is never a factor in a job interview.
Your orgasms are real. Always!!!!!
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You donít give a ratís ass if someone notices your new haircut.
Hot Wax never comes near your pubic area.
Same work ... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You donít have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress £1000; Tux rental £50.
If you retain water, itís in a canteen.
People never glance at your chest when youíre talking to them.
New shoes donít cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Your pals can be trusted never to ask you, ďSo, notice anything different?Ē
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
A ten-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters donít rob you blind.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, you can still be friends.
Your underwear is £8 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You donít have to clean your house if the meter reader is coming.
No maxi-pads. EVER!!!
If another chap shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You donít have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You donít have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
You can ďdoĒ your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 15 relatives, on 24 December in 45 minutes.


:lol: :lol:

Euph-Bari
24.07.2003, 19:25
how funny the truth is!
:lol: :lol:

Pythagoras
24.07.2003, 21:06
Your underwear is £8 for a three-pack.


£8!!! What rip-off merchants have you been buying underwear from?

Sorry! on second reading I noticed your from the south. Even underwear costs more down there.

Nik_The_Insane
25.07.2003, 09:48
well i'd like to say my comp is female so could be life long friends with it and give it a bit of a grope every now and again, but on reflection, seeing the number of pictures of naked women on it it must be male.....erm then again......! ;)

Mr Smiler
25.07.2003, 16:05
Your underwear is £8 for a three-pack.


£8!!! What rip-off merchants have you been buying underwear from?

Sorry! on second reading I noticed your from the south. Even underwear costs more down there.

What a strange thing to notice!??! :o

I have to confess to living just a few miles south of Watford Gap so I suppose that does make me a southern softite! Nevertheless, the underwear is very comfortable!
:lol:

brassybabe
22.10.2004, 01:41
mine is most definately male. it never does what u ask it to and is generally a pain in the ****!!! sorry boys

bagpuss
22.10.2004, 02:16
My computer at home is definitely male. It's strong, reliable and easy to understand and does what I want when I want.

The one at work is definitely female. Absolutely useless for anything practical, but it's ok to pass the time and play simple games on!!!

Also keeps getting random bugs that no-one's ever heard of before, crashes a lot and breaks down for no apparent reason. If it does give you a reason for breaking down, it is completely unintelligible to anyone or anything (including itself). It doesn't do the job for which it was intended and is VERY hign maintenance, no one except it's owner is allowed anywhere near it when it needs help.

puss

TuTuKu
22.10.2004, 14:30
Yep mine's a bloke too.. doeswhat it likes, when it likes, with not a lot of thought for me!! And it's very tempremental!

sugarandspice
22.10.2004, 14:34
male- Its slow and unsatisfactory!!

Liz Courts
22.10.2004, 17:00
^ What she said :-D

Jo Elson
22.10.2004, 17:23
I would say mines male because it always takes forever to do what I want it to, and then it goes wrong. Plus it can't handle multi-tasking. However my laptop is female, it hasnt let me down, faster than the other computer and much prettier.