Limericks part II

[Dave Payn]

Some while back a Limerick thread was started on here, so let's kick this off again.

There was a young woman named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

What is a limerick, Mother?
It's a form of verse, said brother
In which lines one and two
Rhyme with five when it's through
And three and four rhyme with each other.

[lynchie]

There was a young man named dave
And on Arran he did misbehave
His trumpet did sound
And it shuddered the ground
But the sheep were exceedingly brave

[Dave Payn]

There was a young man named dave
And on Arran he did misbehave
His trumpet did sound
And it shuddered the ground
But the sheep were exceedingly brave

Oi! Lynchie! Less of the 'young'! ;-)

[Chris Sanders]

There was a young girl from Madras,
Who had a magnificent ass,
Not round and pink as you'd probably think
But was grey had long ears and ate grass???

[PeterBale]

There was a young man in the sand
Who wanted to play in the band.
They gave him a horn
And he plays it at dawn,
Which is something the neighbours can't stand :shock:

[James Yelland]

There was an old lady from Slough
Who once had a terrible cough
She sounded quite rough
But battled on through
I think she is better now, though.

[impycornet]

Thought they were supposed to Rhyme ??

[Crazysop]

There was a brass bander from Middleton
A skateboard he did try to march on
He hit a speed hump
his cornet did jump
up his nose, now his mouth piece has crows on!!!!!!!!!!

[lynchie]

There once was a Bb bass player
You frequently listened to slayer
The bass lines he stole
For his composing role
Writing arrangements of the Lord's Prayer

[BBCBass]

Lynchie was a trombone player
Who had just bought a brand new Thayer
With a twich of his finger
he pulled on the trigger
and realized not to give up his dayyer (day job that is)

[Will the Sec]

When looking a stuff on the Mouthpiece,



NEXT!

[lynchie]

Will was a tuba exponent
Who answered whenever his phone went
He tried baritone
And smashing his phone
But the ringing was worse than a bone tent

[Will the Sec]

It's true that I play Bb Bass.
But you should see the look on my face.
'Cos I want to play 'bone,
Not a straight Sousaphone,
And my seventh position is ace.*



*Because "approximate" doesn't rhyme**...

**But now I own my own trombone I am working on it...

[Lil Miss]

there was an old man from Danzhelin,
who travelled from London to Eelin,
it said on the door",
"please don't spit on the floor"
so he carefully spat on the ceiling???

weird i know but i got it from an old limmerick book....

[Lil Miss]

I went to the duchess to hav tea,
it was just as i though it would be,
her rumblings abdominable were simply phenominal,
and everyone thought it was me :-(

[Bazza]

There was a brass bander from Middleton
A skateboard he did try to march on
He hit a speed hump
his cornet did jump
up his nose, now his mouth piece has crows on!!!!!!!!!!
Nice one Lou!! just hope that doesnt happen to u all on sunday!?! middleton has some bumpy roads u know!! sorry i wont be there!! love you all!!

xxx

[James Yelland]

Thought they were supposed to Rhyme ??

What's the problem? Most limericks only have rhymes to lines 1, 2 and 5. All five lines of my limerick have the same ending - that makes it much better, surely?

[Dave Payn]

What's the problem? Most limericks only have rhymes to lines 1, 2 and 5. All five lines of my limerick have the same ending - that makes it much better, surely?

There was an old man from Leeds
Who could never get his Limericks to rhyme
None of them ever scanned properly or rhythmically in the way the Limericks should
And they finished too soon.

[uncle eric]

hello friends.

an old man who had a long face,
because, he said, 'it the case
that my tongue is no use
and my teeth are all loose'
the conductor said 'give him a bass'

it's been a long day....

regards

uncle eric

[ronnie_the_lizard]

A young man sought fortune in Spennymoor,
He set up in business a cheap food store,
The Bands came to play.
But threw up all the next day,
So he isn't in Spennymoor any more.

[ronnie_the_lizard]

Swiss Championships Results 2004 (http://www.4barsrest.com/news/detail.asp?id=2870)

There was once a time when the Swiss,
Would have played works by Butterworth or Bliss,
Now it seems the best are...
....choosing things by Beourgeois,
.............like Apolcalypse, Concerto or Blitz.

[PeterBale]

A lizard called Ronnie one day
Was given a tuba to play,
In case all else fails
He's got plenty of scales,
Though his long tongue may get in the way ;)

[ronnie_the_lizard]

Yeah, thanks for that Peter !

There was an old fella from Hadleigh,
who tried to play Clarinet, but sadly,
moved to horn, saxophone,
bass-trom, baritone,
and now plays the B flat bass, badly. ;)



Fishburn in fire scare (http://www.4barsrest.com/news/detail.asp?id=2878)

On street in their 'Jamas they massed,
'til Glasgow's raging inferno had passed,
they were terribly brave,
cheating death and the grave,
.....but even so.........Fishburn came last. :-(

[skimbleshanks]

It's Friday afternoon...

There once was a man from Japan
Whos lyrics they never would scan
and when I asked why
he did simply reply
"because I try to fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can!"

[Hell's_Trombone]

awh i heard the funniest one 2day but its not suitable to post lol!!

there was a band contest round here,
that filled the bandsmen with fear,
they felt pretty sick,
and rushed through it quick,
and ran to the bar for some beer!!!