Wonder-ful joke!

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Cornishwomble, Feb 4, 2005.

  1. Cornishwomble

    Cornishwomble Active Member

    Stevie Wonder has just finished a sell-out concert in Japan and after the applause has died down he asks the crowd if there's anything they'd like him to play.

    This little Japanese fella at the front is jumping up and down, waving his arms like a madman, and shouts "Play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord!" So Stevie belts out a 2 minute solo in F minor, and the crowd are in raptures.

    "No, No!" shouts the little fella, "Play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord!" A little bemused, Stevie does a 3 minute impromptu in A major and gets the crowd rocking.

    The little fella shouts again, "No, No, I want you to play a jazz chord!" Stevie gives in and says, "How does that go then?" To which he replies:

    "A jazz chord to say I ruv you!"
  2. manx_yessir

    manx_yessir Member

    I hope you're leaving your awful jokes down south and you're not gonna make us suffer them when you get up here t'Yorkshire!! :rolleyes: ;) :-D
  3. Cornishwomble

    Cornishwomble Active Member

    Oh there's more where that came from, ah thank you! :cool:
  4. Sam Atherton

    Sam Atherton Member

    You should be so lucky! He'll take the bad jokes, fancy dress collection, and will probably start Yorkshire's first Pam Ayres Appreciation Society!
  5. Cornishwomble

    Cornishwomble Active Member

    Well I can say that the Yorkshire Chas and Dave appreciation society is now offically open to membership.

    I do feel that the collective works of Pam Ayres may be a bit too cultural for the north :-D .
  6. Brassb3ll3nd

    Brassb3ll3nd Member

    Here's another joke in a chinese accent.

    Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!"

    Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.

    Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder, "You Sign! You sign!"

    Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.

    The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads.

    He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"

    Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man.

    I don't want them!"

    Then he slams the door in his face again.

    The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!"

    Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him: "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand?

    You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"

    The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:

    (It's a beauty)

    (wait for it)

    (Get your best Chinese accent ready)

    "You not Nissan Main Dealer?"
  7. Cornishwomble

    Cornishwomble Active Member

    I love that one, never tire of hearing it
  8. akwarose

    akwarose Active Member

  9. 2nd man down

    2nd man down Moderator Staff Member

    pm me if you're over 18 and would like to read the rude version of roys joke. :rolleyes:
  10. horn-y-dude

    horn-y-dude New Member

    the oldies are always the best hehe

    keep em coming guys!!:p
  11. SuperHorn

    SuperHorn Member

    Here's one:

    What do you get hanging from a apple tree.

    Sore arms
  12. Will the Sec

    Will the Sec Active Member

    Is Dave Payn's coat still available? I think Roy needs it ;)
  13. Will the Sec

    Will the Sec Active Member

    Are you here all week? :-D
  14. Cornishwomble

    Cornishwomble Active Member

    No it's ok it's only a short trip to my taxi which is waiting outside :eek:
  15. 2nd man down

    2nd man down Moderator Staff Member

    And the meters running so you'd better crack on! :rolleyes:

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