When to leave

Discussion in 'The Rehearsal Room' started by cornetsquint, Nov 6, 2011.

  1. cornetsquint

    cornetsquint Member

    I haven't really enjoyed band with my current band now for about 3-4 months due to a number of reasons, so at what point do you say to yourself I don't want to do this any more, would you stick it out and see what happens or just leave?
  2. bumper-euph

    bumper-euph Member

    Oh dear...have lit blue touch paper, will now stand well back.............this thread should be interesting.!!
  3. Basstiger

    Basstiger Member

    Quit if you're not happy unless things are likely to improve in the foreseeable. There's no point in doing something you are meant to enjoy if you are not enjoying it!
  4. iancwilx

    iancwilx Well-Known Member

    Time to leave or give up if you are driving to band thinking "I don't want to do this" and on some occasions getting half way there and turning around and going home. It's not fair to yourself or the rest of the band to attend under those circumstances ~ Time for a change.
    It's a hobby and therefore should be enjoyable.
    Don't let loyalty be a barrier if you really feel your banding has become a burden, but, try and leave in a friendly fashion if you can.

    - Mr Wilx
  5. brassneck

    brassneck Active Member

    You have to chat to someone in the band to voice your feelings and concerns. Maybe one of the senior or committee members may lend their experienced ears and try and resolve your situation. If the bandmaster is approachable, he/she may be of some help as well.
  6. nethers

    nethers Active Member

    The big question of course - what are you not enjoying?
  7. scotchgirl

    scotchgirl Active Member

    Think about the reasons why you're not enjoying it, put them to someone on the committee or in your section and see whether others are feeling the same. Maybe there are issues that could be resolved.

    Otherwise, don't worry about it...no-one is forcing you to go to the band. I presume you're not being paid to be there...so if you are not enjoying it, and there is no chance that you'll ever enjoy it, be honest and upfront and just leave. People have more respect for those who are honest.

    Loyalty is a two-way street.
  8. Thirteen Ball

    Thirteen Ball Active Member

    That is indeed the key. If it's musical issues, ie: the band is too far below/above your abilities to allow you any musical satisfaction, then perhaps it's time to consider your position in the light of that.

    If it's personal/personality issues, then no-one can really advise on that, it's down to youto sort out with the person/people you have difficulties with.

    I'd definitely agree with former posters though. Try talking to someone in the band whom you trust, first. It may not solve the issue, and you may still end up leaving - but don't make your departure for a lack of trying.

    Good luck.
  9. squirrel

    squirrel Member

    Like a few have said, it depends on what you're not enjoying. I've not played with many bands, but I have left one due to not enjoying it any more, took a few months break from playing and joined a different band. I think it's probably important not to let it go on too long or you'll get disillusioned with banding full stop.

    It's a hobby after all, so you need to derive enjoyment from it in some shape or form, or what's the point?
  10. skiosbod

    skiosbod New Member

    The whole purpose of being in any Band/Hobby/Sport is that you enjoy what you are doing and your relationship with others in that environment. If your not happy then you will never play to your full potential until you are happy. I've been in a few bands over the years that I wasn't happy with. I just went to the MD/Secretary and told them of my intentions and the reasons why. Some Bands tried to resolve the issues but other Bands just carried on and advertised for a new player. Again, if you're not happy then the decision is yours to make.
  11. MoominDave

    MoominDave Well-Known Member


    Don't just resign 'out of the blue' - let people know that you have concerns, and genuinely attempt to address the issues. That way, if you are going to leave, it can be managed with unbroken goodwill in both directions and the band has time to consider how to replace you.
  12. nethers

    nethers Active Member

    There are a small number of bands out there where negotiation does not seem to be an option... I played in a band where quite a few people had quietly dropped out over a few months and I had my own concerns about how some things were being done. When I tried to talk to the committee (in as positive a way as possible) about my concerns, world war three erupted and I was promptly put in a position where I was forced to resign.

    The band didn't need 'nay-sayers' and the 7 or 8 players who had left recently were all 'idiots' or had allegedly left because of work/kids etc. which was very different to what they all told me later in the bar.

    On the one hand I was pretty naive bothering to try discussing my concerns with this particular band, but after it all died down and I had moved on I felt pretty good that I at least had a go rather than just joining the ranks of those who vanished.
  13. cornetsquint

    cornetsquint Member

    Thanks everyone for the advice. It has got to the point that when I have band practice, I spend most of the day stressing about going and when I get there I really don't enjoy it. I think that my issue is with the MD but I know that a few others also have issues with them too so I don't really know whether this is likely to change in the near future.
  14. iancwilx

    iancwilx Well-Known Member

    That situation terrible. You should be enjoying a musically hobby, it is putting yourself under unacceptable stress and cannot go on.
    My advice is to go and have a blow with one or two other bands and I'm sure you will find a band that you like and whose members appreciate you ~ don't prolong this agony !

    - Mr Wilx
  15. Thirteen Ball

    Thirteen Ball Active Member

    What is the nature of your problem with the MD?

    Obviously without going into detail, as discretion is paramount in cases like this. What I'm primarily asking is whether it's a clash of personalities, or whether you have a problem with the MD's methods and ambitions for the band.
  16. brassneck

    brassneck Active Member

    I wouldn't even dare answer that in the public domain. We will just have to assume there is a conflict of interest.
  17. Thirteen Ball

    Thirteen Ball Active Member

    You're probably right, brassneck - although unfortunately it seems to be the crux of whole issue.

    If the problem is of a personal nature, then there's little way round it without both parties agreeing to modify their behaviour - a thorny and difficult to approach subject.

    If it's a professional/musical issue then much simpler to resolve.

    Perhaps we just have to say that no-one herein has the necessary information to advise the OP properly, that the advice several posters gave about talking to trusted individuals nearer the situation is the best way to go and wrap it up at that.....
  18. brassneck

    brassneck Active Member

    From his post, he is not the only one in that position. As the saying goes, strength in numbers ...
  19. cornetsquint

    cornetsquint Member

    I'm not going to go into any details of the problems but the main problem with the MD is a personality thing and the MD is fairly new. I have been with this band for about 8 years and have previously really enjoyed it but then again is it a case of better the devil you know?
  20. The Wherryman

    The Wherryman Active Member

    While a discussion like this can be useful if it's on a 'what if' hypothetical level, it isn't hard to see which band the OP plays for and who the 'new' MD is. On the other hand, if the information I've just been looking at is out-of-date and the OP has changed bands, it's not fair on the old band/MD.

    Just my observation on what is otherwise quite an interesting thread.
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2011

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