What Kids Say, Part 2

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by MRSH, Mar 23, 2004.

  1. MRSH

    MRSH Supporting Member

    The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
    Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
    "Yes", whispered the small voice.
    "May I talk with him?" the man asked.
    To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
    Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
    "Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?"
    Again the small voice whispered, "No".
    Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.
    "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
    "Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman".
    Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked "May I
    speak with the policeman"?
    "No, he's busy", whispered the child.
    "Busy doing what?, asked the boss.
    "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.
    Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
    "A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice.
    "What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed.
    In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
    Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there"?
    Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "They're looking for me!"

    My two-year-old cousin scared us one summer by disappearing during our lakeside vacation. More than a dozen relatives searched the forest and shoreline, and everyone was relieved when we found Matthew playing calmly in the woods.
    "Listen to me!" his mother said sharply. "From now on when you want to go someplace, you tell Mommy first, okay?"
    Matthew thought about that for a moment and said, "Okay, Disney World."

    A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later..."Da-ad..."
    "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
    "No. You had your chance. Lights out."
    Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
    "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
    "I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
    Five minutes later...Daaaa-aaaad..."
    "When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

    A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I? "
    Ready to play the game, she said, "I don't know! Who are you?"
    "WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"

    We had spent the day moving from our farmhouse into our new house in town. Very early the next morning, our 3 1/2 -year-old ran into our bedroom to wake us up. I dressed him and told him to play in the yard and to quit bothering us.
    About 20 minutes later, he came running back. "Mommy! Mommy!" he exclaimed, "everybody has doorbells - and they all work!"

    A 5-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?", says the 5-year-old, "I think it's about time we start swearing."
    The 4-year-old nods his head in approval.
    The 5-year-old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna say 'hell,' and you say 'ass', OK?"
    The 4-year-old agrees with enthusiasm.
    The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5-year-old what he wants for breakfast
    "Awe hell Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
    WHACK! He flies out of his chair, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out.
    The Mom looks at the 4-year-old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
    "I don't know," he blubbers, " but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios."
  2. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    :lol: lmao :lol:
  3. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    Richard Evans used that first one at Symphony Hall - went down very well :wink:
  4. drummergurl

    drummergurl Active Member

    lol theyre funny, although my brother has come out with some absolute wonders in his life!!!

    instead of a distinction in an exam he told my mum he was gonna get an extinction. and on a boat he wanted to control the udder
  5. Seedhouse

    Seedhouse Active Member

    Lol! :lol:
  6. katej

    katej Member

    lol. Read this one in Readers Digest.
    Four year old Brian threatened to run away from home after falling out with his mum. Downstairs his mum could hear him opening and shutting drawers, finally he came downstairs with 2 large suitcases. "Where are you going to go?" askes mum.
    He replies: "I'm not going anywhere. I'm not allowed to cross the street by myself, I packed your suitcase."
  7. Okiedokie of Oz

    Okiedokie of Oz Active Member

    Here's a true story, something similar, but just as funny.

    Dave is a trombonist with the band. He's been around the world. He's been with all sorts of girls. He drinks. He clubs. He parties. Apparently, he was the same as a child too.

    He was always fighting, and giving teachers a rough go. His parents tried to keep him active, hoping that by being busy, he'd have no time to go break too many laws. However, he came home from school one day and announced his best mate was going to boarding school in Brisbane, some 600km away. He expressed an interest in going too.

    5 minutes later, his father was yelling for him to hurry up. The bags were packed, the train ticket booked, and the school fees paid. That was one request his parents were GLAD to do!!

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