What gender is your computer?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Naomi McFadyen, Jul 20, 2003.


What gender is your computer?

  1. Male

  2. Female

  1. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    Ok here is one for you all to answer "What gender is your computer?"

    Is it Female because

    1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic

    2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else

    3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval

    4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

    Or is it Male because

    1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on

    2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless

    3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem

    4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
  2. TheMusicMan

    TheMusicMan tMP Founder Staff Member

    Hey Naomi....

    Mine simply HAS to be female because it multi-tasks - and as everyone knows, men cannot multi-task.... sorry guys....:(

    ... but then again, it doesn't nag me or answer me back, always (well nearly always [XP]) does what I ask without moaning, and will happily print out 'tMM is the best chap in the world' ad-infinitum if I asked it to....:) now not even the two most important females in my world (Jen - wife, Heather - daughter) would do that for me :!: :!:

    :? :?
  3. IckleSop

    IckleSop Active Member


    I have come to the conclusion that my computer is Male......

    Because its usless and you haveto press the space bar over and over before it gets the message.....grrrr!
  4. TheMusicMan

    TheMusicMan tMP Founder Staff Member

    ... but lest not forget what computer made that smart icon for you Ickle...[​IMG] :D :D :wink:
  5. IckleSop

    IckleSop Active Member

    I know (thankyou MM) and your computer female!!!!....enough said!
  6. Fishsta

    Fishsta Active Member

    My computer's either female, or a very vain male.

    It gets pampered and streamlined all the time, all the useless startup stuff is disabled and regularly monitored, the Registry is kept trim and tidy, the only thing that runs at startup is my firewall.

    It might run AOL, but it certainly DOESN'T use AOL 8, I have a broadband-enabled version of AOL 7 that is bug-free (AOL 8 really is awful), I'm very choosy about what gets run on it.

    In return, it gives me trouble-free operation. :)
  7. floral_dance

    floral_dance Member

    mine is male, slow to warm up, stubborn, twisted and goes off in its own direction without thinking of its lovely owner.

    BTW fishta how to you disable all that start up stuff as mine is really slow?
  8. Euph-Bari

    Euph-Bari Active Member

    mine swings between the two - one day its male - never crashes!
    the next its female - always crashing at every point possible and blaming it on someone else
  9. bigmamabadger

    bigmamabadger Active Member

    Mine's a pre-op transsexual.
    Still clunky and awkward and single-minded enough to be male, but also temperamental enough to be female.
    More hormones needed I thnk...
  10. Pythagoras

    Pythagoras Active Member

    Definitely female! It stops working for no apparent reason and won't tell me what's wrong.
  11. Definetly Female
    its tempremental - always wants its own way - and the slightest thing goes wrong or is out of place and it goes mad, and then when it finally makes u want to beat it with a blow up hammer, its makes u turn it on all over again

    and i am Female
  12. twigglet

    twigglet Member

    mine is definately male because it is so unreliable! It can't keep up its connection
  13. Sueee

    Sueee Member

    ditto! 8)
  14. bladder

    bladder Member

    You know those blokes :)?) with proper tits?....
  15. Mike Saville

    Mike Saville Member

    eh? You've even confused me with that one, Blad.
  16. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    Must be a first for you then Mike?? being confused? :p
  17. Fishsta

    Fishsta Active Member

    Two ways:

    1) As long as you're not running Windows 95, go to Start, Run and type in "MSConfig". Go into the "Startup" tab and remove everything non-essential. If you're not sure, search for the filename or description on www.yahoo.com or something. If it appears on either the "annoyances.org" site or "Winpatrol's most un-wanted list", it can usually be safely removed. As a matter of fact, practically all of it can, if there's anything you want to use (e.g. a scanner, printer or digital camera) you can always start the program or process manually just when you want it.

    The only items I reccommend NOT removing are Systray and Scanreg.

    2) You should get the following software:
    DLL Archive
    Use DLL Cleaner once at first, it removes all obsolete DLL files, but keeps a backup in case anything doesn't work, so you can always bring them back. I've never had any problems with it.
    RegCleaner is a FANTASTIC program. You can do what I reccommended in point 1 above with it, as well as remove obsolete registry entries to files and/or programs that are no longer installed or deleted.

    You should run it regularly.

    Also, don't forget your Scandisks and Defrags... leave them going overnight, preferably in Safe Mode.[/url]
  18. Mike Saville

    Mike Saville Member

    Do you know something I don't??? (he says in a confused tone :) )
  19. super_sop

    super_sop Supporting Member

    Nice one Fishta, im gona try all that me self
  20. bladder

    bladder Member

    You've forgotten option 3) Fishta..

    3) Ditch Win$$ and switch to Linux. Hey, no problems. :D

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