War on terror - Press release

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by JessopSmythe, Mar 20, 2006.

  1. JessopSmythe

    JessopSmythe Active Member

    At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual was arrested when he tried to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

    At a morning press conference, US Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

    "Al-gebra is an odd cult whose leader is believed to be a cosine of Osama Bin Laden," Ashcroft said. "There are several divisions and they are prepared to use a wide variety of means to achieve solutions. The members sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. In addition, they use secret code names such as "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we are positive that they belong to a common denominator known as the "Axis of Even", with coordinates in many countries.

    "As the Greek natural philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are three sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.

    When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said: "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.

    "I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from those who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Under the circumferences, and factoring in all the variables, we must stand united and draw the line, cos divided we fall."

    President Bush also warned: "These weapons of maths instruction have the potential to decimal our society on a scalene never before seen, unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and rid the world of this entirely negative organisation."

    The President concluded: "Read my ellipse. Here is one principle we are not uncertainty of--though they continue to multiply, we are circling in ever closer, and their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."
  2. axio

    axio Member

    Oh dear... that's the sort of thing my father would usually find and present.... :p
  3. timbloke

    timbloke Member

    Does that mean i'm getting old because I found that funny.

    It all sounds like a load of press hypotenuse. Have there been any radii on houses in New York?
  4. WoodenFlugel

    WoodenFlugel Moderator Staff Member

    Indeed. I think the whole story is just PI in the sky....:rolleyes:
  5. Di

    Di Active Member

    Certainly sounds circumferenstantial. :redface:
  6. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    I think that deserves a ticking off for an off-tangent posting ;)
  7. Di

    Di Active Member

    I was only trying to look at it from another angle. :(
  8. DaveR

    DaveR Active Member

    Which angle? The try-angle? :oops:
  9. Di

    Di Active Member

    Now you're just being obtuse.
  10. DaveR

    DaveR Active Member

    <Italian Accent>
    But-a my mamma - she think-a I'm acute!
  11. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    Another very acute observation, if from another quadrant - not quite set square :D
  12. bigmamabadger

    bigmamabadger Active Member

    Venn are you all going to stop this?
  13. Di

    Di Active Member

    Would you like to sum it all up for us?
  14. bigmamabadger

    bigmamabadger Active Member

    You can count on me to square it.
  15. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    Now we've just about gone full circle, almost into a parallel sphere of existence. I just wish I could hold my fob long enough to find the key :oops:
  16. Di

    Di Active Member

    I've told you where to find the key how many times? Table! :rolleyes:
  17. Vickitorious

    Vickitorious Active Member

    I want to disown my mother after those VERY bad puns..:rolleyes: