Very Unlikely!!!!

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by MRSH, May 24, 2004.

  1. MRSH

    MRSH Supporting Member

    Yea - like this happened :wink: :wink: :wink:

    Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all cleaned and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table, "Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to go shopping. Love You!"

    So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table eating. Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

    His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

    Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

    His son replies, "Oh, that! - Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm a
    married man!"

    A self-induced hangover--$100.
    Broken furniture--$200.
    Breakfast--$10.
    Saying the right thing---PRICELESS.
     
  2. louise0502

    louise0502 Member

    argh!

    just showed it to the whole of my ICT class and they all loved it too!
     
  3. Okiedokie of Oz

    Okiedokie of Oz Active Member

    Classic!!!!
     
  4. Thats a nice story but probably not true as sometimes men never say the right thing!!!!!
     
  5. Well Worth It

    Well Worth It Active Member

    :?:
     
  6. Di

    Di Active Member

    Oh they do. Sometimes. Reminds me of one scary afternoon I got back from work.

    I got back from work one afternoon and the phone was ringing. All I could hear was general “office” type sounds. I tried shouting and whistling but couldn’t get anyone to hear me. I Thought of ringing the operator, but couldn't because the phone was tied up with this call. I put the phone back down and told myself to have another go a bit later.

    I tried again about half an hour later and now there was a conversation going on on the other end. It was then that I realised that it was hubby and this chap that he used to go to Sweden (company’s head office) quite a lot with. Turns out they were having a conversation about infidelity whilst travelling. :shock: I was glued to the phone, straining to catch every word. I must say I was most impressed with his side of the conversation, :p couldn’t hear too much of what the other chap was saying. I decided it was time to let him know I could hear him and tried again with the shouting and whistling. I even stuck the phone down the bell of my baritone and gave it a nice blastisimo (something not to be encouraged), but still no luck, I couldn’t get his attention. But at least now I knew where the phone that was had called and was connected to mine, I had another option. I got on my mobile and dialled the office receptionist and explained what was going on. I asked her to go up to the office and tell Steve and Bob to please stop talking about whether or not to “have it off “ in Sweden because Steve’s wife is on the other end of the phone and can hear every word! Needless to say, there was a bout of :lol: :lol: from their colleagues at the announcement and two very quiet, embarrassed, sheepish chaps quickly recapping on their conversation to make sure they had said all the right things. :oops: :oops: Obviously I had to let him worry a bit before I told him that he had! :twisted: :D

    He used to carry his cordless office phone round in his trousers pocket, especially when he had to go and work in the lab or in another area, so that he didn’t miss any calls. Needless to say, this was quickly switched to carrying it round in his shirt pocket where there was less possibility of accidentially pressing the speed dial when he sat down! :oops:
     
  7. The reasons I put 'sometimes' and 'never' in the same sentence was because I didn't want to offend all the male tMPer's by saying never!
     
  8. ScrapingtheBottom

    ScrapingtheBottom Active Member

    I'm good at saying the right things - like I know not to offer women chocolate because that's like saying "you're a big fat lump already so I don't really care if you get any fatter you huge walrus". What you should do is say "Mmmm I fancy a chocolate I'm just going to leave the box next to your chair...".

    I also know that Ben & Jerry's has no calories in it, infact if you eat it whilst crying at a romantic movie it actually makes you thinner.
     
  9. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    and on that theme...

    perfume - good
    deoderant - bad

    don't want her thinking you think she smells...
     
  10. ScrapingtheBottom

    ScrapingtheBottom Active Member

    Here's a good one that'll get you into her good books:

    Ask her what perfume she is wearing when you know she hasn't got any on.

    and another one when she walks in the room:

    "I didn't realise we were going out tonight..."

    smooth as a smooth things smooth bits.
     
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