Unexplained Mysteries of time!!

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by bagpuss, Oct 20, 2003.

  1. bagpuss

    bagpuss Active Member

    You know those questions that just appear randomly in your brain?? No??? Ok, perhaps they just appear randomly in mine then. Here's a few to get you thinking:

    What does an occasional table do the rest of the time?
    Where does your lap go when you stand up?
    If you unscrew your belly-button will your bottom fall off?
    Is a tramp without legs a low - down bum?
    Why is belly button fluff always blue??
    Why does the word apostrophe not have one?
    Why is abbreviation such a long word?

    You get the idea. I'll leave it open to all!!!!

    B. Puss esq
  2. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    What colour does a smurf go when you strangle it?
    Is there another word for Synonym?


    * Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

    * Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's ass."

    * Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

    * Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

    * If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

    * If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

    * Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their ass when they ask where the bathroom is?

    * Why does your ob-gyn leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

    * Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

    * What do you call male ballerinas?

    * Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

    * If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

    * If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    * If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

    * If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    * Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

    * Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

    Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . . .

    * Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    * Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?

    * Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

    * Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
  4. JessopSmythe

    JessopSmythe Active Member

    If a tree falls in a forest with no-one around and lands on a mime artist, does anyone care?
  5. leisa

    leisa Active Member

    if a tree falls when no1s around does it make a noise??
  6. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    If a man sits in a glass box suspended from a tree in a forest and no one sees, is he still an idiot?
  7. Keppler

    Keppler Moderator Staff Member

    - If we didn't have golf balls, how would we measure hail?

    - What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  8. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    - What if Peter hadn't caught the wolf, what then :?: :wink:
  9. andyp

    andyp Active Member

    Why is there only one Monopolies Comission?

    If you fastened a large piece of buttered toast to a cat's back, would it hover indefinitely?

    Why do people put "Do not open this door" signs on doors?
  10. Maestro

    Maestro Active Member

    Why is there not another word for Thesaurus?

    and to be a tad controversial?.......

    If the adjudicators were listening last year at the RAH, how come Fodens didn't win? :twisted: :lol:
  11. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    What's the speed of dark?
    How many roads must a man walk down, before he'll admit he's lost?
  12. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    How high is a chinaman?
  13. LipService

    LipService Member

    Why is the word 'dyslexia' so hard to spell?

    If your car were travelling at the speed of light, would the headlights work?

    On a more ethical note, if Adam and Eve only had two sons, how did the rest of the human race evolve?
  14. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    If you were on a plane travelling at the speed of light, and you walked from the back to the front are you travelling faster than the speed of light?? :D :lol: :lol:

    Ben :D
  15. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    chicken or egg, chicken or egg...?
  16. SammyT

    SammyT Member

    what is the sound of one hand clapping?

    Sorry science teacher here :oops: - I am not going to even try to start explaining where this is wrong :oops:
    :D :oops: :wink: :lol:

    Love the rest though - keep um coming!
  17. super_sop

    super_sop Supporting Member

    why were does morality come from!!!! :lol:
  18. SammyT

    SammyT Member

    lol :lol:
    probably should have explained myself:
    Electricity does not come from electrons!!!! So where does that leave morality (and more importantly the morons!!!! :? :D )
  19. timbloke

    timbloke Member

    i'm really tempted to answer some of those... but instead i'll ask the following....

    if a fly is called a fly, why isn't a fish called a swim?
  20. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    If you can park a car in a park, and drive a car on a drive, why can't you steer a car on a steer?

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