Trumpet crimes

Discussion in 'Random Chat & Off Topic...' started by Dave Payn, Oct 22, 2003.

  1. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    NAME OF OFFENDER:
    INFRACTION DATE: __________________________
    __________________________

    MUSICAL OFFENCE AND FINE
    Playing highest note possible in warm- up £100
    Sound-checking mic with obnoxious jazz licks £15
    Raising hand after mistake £15
    Practicing multiple tonguing not called for on gig £15
    Blacking out after high note £20
    Obnoxiously show-offy warm-up £25
    Taking tuning note up an octave £25
    Vibrato on unison passage £50
    Failure to use 3rd valve slide £50
    Playing B-flat when band tunes to A £75
    Being told by conductor to play louder £400
    Failure to swing £1000

    LEAD PLAYERS
    Changing mouthpieces mid-song £10
    Faking section into early entrance £20
    Faking self into early entrances £25
    Missing high lick, then mentioning previous gig(s) £25
    Asking conductor if it's ok to take a lick up £25
    Asking conductor if it's ok to take a lick down £400
    Taking a lick down that you took up in rehearsal £100
    Missing last note of "In the Mood" £200

    SECTION/NON-LEAD PLAYERS
    Missing entrance when lead drops out £15
    Pointing out to the lead that guy on the record took that last lick up £20
    Attempting unassigned lick biffed by lead £50
    Asking lead what mouthpiece he uses £75
    Hanging over past lead on last chord £100
    Attempting to out-screech lead on last chord £100
    Successfully out-screeching lead at any time £500


    EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS
    Playing with screw on rim £10
    Polishing horn on stage £15
    Dropping mute £10
    Dropping horn Repairs + £20
    Dropping dead Warning
    Forgetting pencil £20
    Forgetting mute(s) £50 each
    Forgetting bowtie or socks £30
    Forgetting mouthpiece £30
    Forgetting magazine £100
    Blaming mistake on sticky valves £25
    Getting marble or similar object stuck down bell £75

    CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
    Having nicest gig-bag in section £10
    Talking about the great deal you got on a new horn £10
    Hawking old horn on bandstand £10
    Quoting Herb Alpert or Mangione Song £25
    Farting on bandstand £25
    Defecating on bandstand £75
    Practicing legit style on swing gig £35
    Discussing how plentiful gigs were in the old days £50
    Beginning a sentence with "When I played for Kenton..." £50
    Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theatre that you also play keyboards £100

    BASIC STUPIDITY
    Playing on a Jet-tone mouthpiece £25
    Continually asking "where are we? £25
    Drunkenness on stage £50
    Stoned on stage £50
    Pretending to be friends with a trombone player £200
    Actually being friends with a trombone player £750
    Dating a trombone player £3000
    Loaning money to bone player £4x amount loaned
    Sitting next to conductor at meals £100
     
  2. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    Seems slightly harsh... but probably fair. Guess I'll have to get my dates elsewhere...!

    I do know a few people that would be seriously out of pocket from that lot!
     
  3. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    All in jest! (My first girlfriend was a trombonist! That's me financially crippled then!) :lol:
     
  4. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    ps. Of that first batch of offences, I've been guiltyof every one! :oops:
     
  5. BRASSBANDGIRL

    BRASSBANDGIRL Member

    I glad my band don't use those or we would all be broke :lol:
     
  6. leisa

    leisa Active Member

    u lot really dont like troms do ya?
    im dead really, i got quite a few trom friends is this £750 per friend????
    :oops:
    :?
     
  7. andywooler

    andywooler Supporting Member

    Trombone players - aren't they those people that hang around with musicians?
     
  8. leisa

    leisa Active Member

    :p

    question: what if you are a trombone player??? (im not, no abuse pleease)
     
  9. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    No, they're called drummers :p


    As with the thread- very very good- I managed to put a few names by the side of some of the offences...
    I wanna be a musician crime police officer now! lol.... i could make a lot of money from it! :lol:
     
  10. I'm a little upset now! :cry: :cry:
     
  11. Liz Courts

    Liz Courts Active Member

    :lol: :lol: :lol: I can't say I'm guilty of too many of those!!

    Well, maybe just a few of those associated to SECTION/NON-LEAD PLAYERS :oops:
     

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