Too good for the bad joke thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by andywooler, Feb 17, 2006.

  1. andywooler

    andywooler Supporting Member

    An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore
    the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and
    occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat
    with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness.

    After a while, he finds himself in a very high class neighbourhood -
    big, stately residences, no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst
    of all ...NO PUBLIC TOILETS!

    He really, really had to go, after all that Guinness. He finally finds a
    narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings
    and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

    As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobby, who
    says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."

    "I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really
    HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public toilet."

    "Ah, yes," said the Bobbie . "Just follow me". He leads him to a back
    "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens. "In
    there," points the Bobbie. "Whiz away, sir, anywhere you want."

    The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has
    ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured
    hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since
    he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.

    As he goes back through the gate, he says to the Bobby, "That was really
    decent of you ... is that what you call "British hospitality?"

    "No sir," the Bobby replied. "It's what we call 'The French Embassy'."
  2. Here's an oldie but a goodie...

    Posh and Becks are sitting in front of the television watching the
    six o'clock news. The main story is a man threatening to jump off
    the bridge
    Posh turns to Becks and says: "David, I bet you 5,000 that he jumps!"
    To which Beckham replies "5,000? Done! I bet that he doesn't." so
    they shake hands on the bet and continue watching. Sure enough, the
    man jumps and hits the road below with a loud thud. Beckham takes
    5,000 out of his back pocket and hands it to Posh but she refuses it.
    I can't take your money, David," she says. "The truth is, I was
    cheating. I saw the five o'clock news, so I knew he was going to jump."
    "No, babe, fair's fair"
    says David. "That money is yours fair and square I was cheating
    Just as you were. I saw the five o'clock news, too. I just didn't
    think he would do it again."