To leave or not to leave? That is the question!

Discussion in 'The Rehearsal Room' started by Charmed, Nov 6, 2005.

  1. Charmed

    Charmed Active Member


    Just wanted to ask if any of you out there have come to a time in your banding life where you have thought "I can't take anymore, I've had enough with all the hassle, struggle and unappreciated hard work" and if so, how did you get through it?

    For the first time in my banding life I have come to a 'crossroad'. One walks away from band and the other walks towards it. The whole situation is making me quite depressed! I have been with the same band for 25years and have worked really hard to ensure that things move in the right direction, and they have. Now there seems to be more obstacles than ever before and I am really struggling to see the 'light at the end of the tunnel', so to speak.

    Any advice out there before I make any rash decision??? :(
  2. Rapier

    Rapier Supporting Member

    Well if it's making you depressed, then it must be time to walk away. Find a new band and just enjoy the playing side, avoid all other tasks within it. Good luck.
  3. ian perks

    ian perks Active Member

    Well all i can say is:
    if youare in this situation and still like your banding GET ANOTHER BAND;i did some years ago we had lost our conductor 4 players went 4 players came in the standard dropped a new conductor came, we went to 3 contests came last in all 3, 3 more players went, conductor left, i could see no end to it and said GOODBYE IM OFF.
  4. johnmartin

    johnmartin Active Member

    Take a 3 month break. That's what I did when I was in a similar situation. Because of my loyalty to the band I let them retain my card and was able to come back in time for the areas. With the new baby coupled with promotion to the first section it looks like it's getting back to that situation for me again. I find I'm trying to make decisions regarding my time between band and family and really there should be no choice so I might have to take another sabbatical. December and January are quiet contest wise anyway so I might get that opportunity soon.
  5. postie

    postie Member

    Very difficult situation my advice would be to see if anyone in your band is willing to take some more responsibility. Maybe pass some of things that you do onto somebody else if you can find a person like that. This would be perhaps a way to take some of the pressure off you.

    Hope that helps good luck.
  6. Steve

    Steve Active Member

    Make the decision as soon as possible cos everytime you think you have had enough a concert comes up and you come off stage loving it again. Dont stick around through duty either, you personal life and you sanity come first and if you have the proper relationship with your band they will accaept and support your decision. I tend to find that once the seeds of doubt are sowed there is only so long you can stick it out before you end up resenting yourself and your banding.
  7. lausonbass

    lausonbass Member

    i've just been through a similar situation, i took a three month break and that didn't make much difference, but now i am playing again but i suppose from a much more selfish point of view, thinking about MY playing and MY enjoyment, i've also been depping for other bands which is nice for a change of scenery and to feel appreciated (also helps with the whole sight reading thing), i'm now trying to organise lessons so i can improve as a player and hopefully move on to bigger better things.

    Taking a trip to pontins weekend and playing for the TMP band also helped, cos you can sit back and enjoy the social side of being a brass player, i've returned to band fired with enthusiasm.

    just think about yourself, after all it's your hobby, you are giving up your free time to do.
  8. B'aht a band

    B'aht a band Member

    I didn't actually leave my previous band (well, not the first time anyway ;) ). But I had the chance of working in Greece for a while. The band understood my decision and knew it was something I wanted to do. When I came back to England after a couple of years, my dad was still chairman and mentioned that the band were losing a Bass player. I turned round and told him to bring me a bass back and got back into it. Saying that, when I did leave this time (to move to Belfast), it was with a heavy heart and I had got to the point that there was nowhere left for me to go, banding-wise. I had done all I set out to achieve in a band, apart from guesting for Black Dyke :)biggrin: ) and that was enough for me. However, if I ever return to England, I know of a couple of bands that have said they would welcome me back.

    Hope that helped. My point is much the same as everyone else's....If you are still enjoying the playing side, then just move to another band. I am sure many band's in your area would welcome a player with 25 years experience.

  9. Di

    Di Active Member

    Sit down and make a list of all the good points and bad points, then list the obstacles and possible solutions. Ask yourself if you can really see yourself in another band, how you would feel if you handed in your notice.
  10. daveredhead

    daveredhead Member

    to leave or not to leave that si the question.

    Hi i have been down that road many times, been with brackley 30years, left a couple of times but never registered with another, now i keep out of band politics,I help with percussion etc, but i find actually playing with other bands, just for a blow or as guest at concerts, really helps, try it and see if it works for you, if you enjoy change bands, That is why i enjoy playing for tMP band. hope things work out for you
  11. imthemaddude

    imthemaddude Active Member

    I'll be very honest and say that I am in exactly the same situation. I am very loyal to my band and the people in it especially. However, since I joined my playing and my enthusiasm has gone backwards. I'm hoping that I end up moving away or something out of my control solves this for me because I just can't leave the band I am with now. Hope you sort it soon.
  12. euphfanhan

    euphfanhan Member

    That happened to me over a year ago and lasted for about 12 months. I hated the music, hated the concerts, and I hated hating it. I had loads of friends in the band, but apart from that I just felt frustrated all the time. I was in a permanant bad mood and ended up not practising at home because there didn't seem any point.
    Then eventually (through tMP :tongue: ) I found a local band with a vacancy and went for a rehearsal. I hadn't actually told anyone from my old band about it, in case I didn't like it, but by the end of the night I'd signed for the new band. Fast workers! And I've enjoyed every minute of it, in fact I'm dreading going to uni in 2 years! Sound to me like it's time for a fresh start. Don't think about it too much, just do what feels right.
    Good luck!
  13. brassneck

    brassneck Active Member

    A break can be really a worthwhile thing to do! It will give you the chance of being able to relax and view the situation from the outside looking inside. Brass banding at any level really is a passionate affair and we can take ourselves far too seriously at times. When the pressure becomes too much, try and get out and do things you would normally do outside this lifestyle. It's harder if your pals are bandspeople too, because the chance to escape is more difficult. You may find that you can return with a fresher approach with everything in perspective and enjoy it even more than ever.
  14. Charmed

    Charmed Active Member

    I have had a look in the classifieds, but as I have mentioned in another thread horns seem to be plentiful, ie no one is advertising for a horn player.

    Anyway thanks for all your comments.

    I have already suggested taking a break, however, panic has set in within the band. Can't blame them really, I have been one of the voices that has disagreed with allowing 'breaks'. It's not fair on the rest of the players who still turn up and put all the hard work in. I suppose everyone needs a break now and then, but my issues go much, much deeper than a break being the answer. As a loyal bands person, I couldn't honestly be comfortable with taking a break. Anyway it's not the playing that I want to walk away from, just everything else.

    Thanks again for all your comments and to those who have offered advice through PM's.


    'Not So Charmed'
  15. kiwisop

    kiwisop Account Suspended

    I got to the stage where i was sick of banding.I had the chance to move to newzealand to play for a band and i took it.Its the best decision i have ever made.I think a change of any description will help you no end
  16. TheMusicMan

    TheMusicMan tMP Founder Staff Member

    I think we all go through similar feelings at some stage to be honest. I have had some great times with bands, as well as a few not so great times - that's just the way it goes. I guess you know down inside what you really, truely want to do eh. Just ensure you don't procrastinate once you know what you want as that serves no useful purpose.

    It all usually works out well in the end.
  17. kiwisop

    kiwisop Account Suspended

    When i left my first band(after 13 years from the age of 5) i felt like i was letting all my mates down.I was the youngest player in the band and they had all been like family to me.There were people who were very unhappy with me leaving.I speak to them now and they are very proud of me and the fact my banding has taken me places.I can honestly say that i can ring anyone from my first band and they would be there for me if i needed them.If u leave it will be rough for a while but in the end it will work out.
  18. Val

    Val Member

    We've only had 2 horns for about 3 years now as we never replaced our 1st Horn when she want to Uni, so you would be very welcome at our band. However, not sure if North Wales is a bit far .......??
  19. groovy

    groovy Active Member

    My advice would be that if do decide to leave, make sure you are still on good terms with the band so that if you have the option to return even if it is not in the near future. I have just left my band and it was not easy but I have been told by my conductor that I am welcome ot return anytime and that is a comforting thought and there is no bad feeling.
  20. Melph

    Melph Member

    Hi Charmed
    From what you mentioned in one of your replies, it sounds like band is not the issue but something else in your life. Sort the problem(s) out and everything else will fall into place.

    Theres something about the friends you make in a band that friends in other situations (e.g. work) can't compare to. Life is cr6p sometimes, but friends are what get you through. My best friends in life are all from brass bands.

    Take the break - sort out the problems - go back to the band and enjoy!

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