Tiny and the Terrier - an Everyday Story of Railwaymen

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Jack E, Feb 6, 2018.

  1. Jack E

    Jack E Well-Known Member

    Messages:
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    Tiny and the Terrier

    Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin . . .

    Once upon a time, there was a Little Railway, which gently meandered through the woods and meadows. It had heard of such things as strict observation of timetables and intensive working, but didn’t really think such rude behaviour was seemly, or even necessary.

    According to the time honoured customs of railways, the larger the railway, the shorter the name – as in Great Western – and the smaller the railway, the longer the name (as, for example, the Weston, Clevedon and Portishead Light Railway). So the Little Railway called itself the Kent and East Sussex Light Railway, and was happy.

    But one day, some strange Men in Bowler Hats turned up, and told the men working on the Little Railway that things were going to change, and that the Little Railway was going to be dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 20th century. In vain did the men on the Little Railway point out that they would prefer to be led gently by the hand into modern times, and that kicking and screaming was strictly prohibited by their Rule Book – the Men in Bowler Hats took no notice, and said “You will be dragged, and you will kick and scream – for our masters in Whitehall have spoken, and they must be obeyed.” And so it was.

    In the fullness of time, a goods train arrived at Robertsbridge Junction, hauled by a burly ‘N’ Class locomotive . . .


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    . . . but such a Great Big Engine could not run on the Little Railway without breaking it, and so the Men in Bowler Hats had arranged for the train to be met by a Little Engine, which could run on the Little Railway . . .



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    And the Guard, who was the Man in Charge of the Train, and whose name was Harry Holloway, looked at the Little Engine – a type known as a ‘Terrier’ - and he laughed until he cried! But Guard Holloway was not laughing at the Little Engine – he was laughing at the sight of the Very VERY Big Fireman, who was standing on the outside step of the Terrier, and leaning his elbow on the roof of the cab . . .

    The Very Big Fireman stood about 6 foot 5 inches in his bare feet, and was stunted for his width. He was, therefore, known to one and all as ‘Tiny’ (railwaymen have a very warped sense of humour).

    When Guard Holloway got his breath back, he asked Tiny “How are you going manage it, mate?”

    Tiny growled “I dunno what you’re laughing at, ‘Olloway – I’ll probably have to fire the (very rude word) thing on me (another very rude word) ‘ands an’ knees!”

    And, sure enough, as the Little Engine headed down the helter-skelter curve from Robertsbridge Junction onto the Little Railway, Guard Holloway could see Tiny’s enormous boots sticking out of the cab, as Tiny – scorning to use a shovel on such a small grate - lobbed fistfuls of coal into the firebox with his equally enormous hand!

    Needless to say, Tiny had a very terse word - or three - with the running shed foreman when he got back that night, and so he was never rostered for that turn again, and they all lived happily ever after . . .

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    Yes, it IS a true story - as told to me by the late Harry Holloway, many years ago (and it still cracks me up!)

    :D
     

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