Time to start a new joke thread. Marriage and relationships

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Dave Payn, Oct 29, 2003.

  1. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Isle of Arran and lovin' it!
    Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
    Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

    These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line. (All in good jest, folks!)

    Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

    Of loving beauty you float with grace
    If only you could hide your face

    I thought that I could love no other
    Until, that is, I met your brother

    Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
    This describes everything you are not

    I want to feel your sweet embrace
    But don't take that paper bag off of your face

    I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
    Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

    Every time I see your face
    I wish I were in outer space

    I saw your face as you walked by
    but then I saw a better guy

    My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
    Marrying you screwed up my life

    I see your face when I am dreaming
    That's why I always wake up screaming

    My love you take my breath away
    What have you stepped in to smell this way

    My feelings for you no words can tell
    Except for maybe "go to hell"

    What inspired this amorous rhyme?
    Two parts vodka, one part lime
  2. livyarker

    livyarker Member

    time to start a new joke thread marriage and relationships

    he he he .................i did like those.....shame i can't actually think up any myself................might need to refer to those on valentines day :shock:
  3. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    South London
    Marriage - A source of fun for those not involved...
  4. And a fine institutionbut then who wants to live in an institution!
  5. Sorry new to all this. Didn't mean to repeat myself quite so often. As a conductor it's sometimes difficult to break the habits of a lifetime however!

    (Don't worry about it - I've deleted two of them for you :lol: : Mod)
  6. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Isle of Arran and lovin' it!
  7. Morghoven

    Morghoven Member

    A little boy was taken to a wedding by his father. He'd never been to one before, and spent a while taking everything in. After a while, he turned to his dad and said "Daddy, daddy, why is the girl wearing a white dress?", and his dad replies "Well, son, the woman is wearing white because this is the happiest day of her life". The young lad considers this and then asks with some confusion, "Daddy, why is the man dressed all in black?". His father nods gravely and says "You're getting the idea, son....."
  8. dyl

    dyl Active Member

    A man is walking in the city when he is accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby looking tramp, who then asks for a couple of pounds for dinner.

    The man takes £2 out of his pocket and asks “If I gave you this money, will you use it to buy whiskey?”

    “No, I stopped drinking years ago” the tramp says.

    “Will you use it to gamble?”

    “I don’t gamble, I need everything I can get just to stay alive.”

    “Will you spend the money on fees at a golf course?”

    “Are you mad? I haven’t played golf in twenty years!”

    The man says, “Well, I’m not going to give you £2. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a terrific meal cooked by my wife.”

    The tramp is astounded. “Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and besides, I probably smell really bad.”

    The man replies, “That’s ok. I just want her to see what a man looks like after he’s given up drinking, gambling and golf.”
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