Things people said in court

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by PeterBale, Dec 21, 2004.

  1. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    Hadleigh, Essex
    Following on from the Lawyers thread, I received these via email this morning:

    People Really Said These Things In Court:

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July fifteenth.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.

    Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

    Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.

    Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.

    Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
    A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

    Q: Did he kill you?

    Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

    Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

    Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?

    Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

    Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
    A: I went to Europe, sir.
    Q: And you took your new wife?

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
  2. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Wish I came across those when I was doing jury service! :lol:
  3. Craigsav83

    Craigsav83 Active Member

    :lol: :lol: :lol:

    lol very funny indeed. Thats made my day!!

  4. Griffin

    Griffin Active Member

    Reminds me of that Blackadder sketch...

    You know the funny thing is - my father was a nun.
    No, he wasn't
    He was so, I know because whenever he was in court and the judge used to say 'Occupation', he'd say 'Nun'.
  5. kate_the_horn

    kate_the_horn New Member

    very good!

    i await the time i do jury duty, i can see it being a lot of fun!

    kel x
  6. trumpetmike

    trumpetmike Well-Known Member

    Farnham, Surrey, UK
    Very funny - just what was needed this morning

    Having done jury service - yes, it can have it's amusing moments, but it can also be really quite disturbing. During my two weeks the first one was hilarious - the whole defence was built upon the fact that the defendant was too thick to realise that what he had one was a crime! This meant that he had in a procession of character witnesses saying "yes, he really is THAT thick!" Very difficult to keep a straight face.
    The second week, however, was a case of indecent exposure - very creepy, very disturbing and I would never wish to have the experience again. In the court next door their case was a nastier one, they had been going for four weeks when we finished our case and it showed no signs of ending soon - some of them were getting very disturbed by the experience.

    I hope that, should you ever be asked to do jury service, your time is more like my first week.
  7. yonhee

    yonhee Active Member

    :D :D :D :D
  8. ju33les

    ju33les Member

    I'm surprised that the universal "They got the wrong one" ,"I'm innocent"and "It weren't me" didn't figure in the list.
    Take it from me, these and other similar sayings are actually uttered!
    :shock: :-D
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