The Truth About Santa!

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Roger Thorne, Nov 28, 2002.

  1. Roger Thorne

    Roger Thorne Active Member

    The Truth About Santa!

    No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

    There are 2 billion children (persons under eighteen) in the world. But since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

    Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

    Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household, a total trip of 71.604 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

    The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point no. 1) could pull ten times the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. (Thats the ship not the person!)

    353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 Quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

    In conclusion - If Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's been vaporized by now.

    Author - Anon.
  2. rutty

    rutty Active Member

  3. Roger Thorne

    Roger Thorne Active Member

    Who me or Santa!!
  4. rutty

    rutty Active Member


    Well, Santa does only work 1 day a year......
  5. spookybiking

    spookybiking Member


    Just think Xmas is only for a short term through a couple of month it'l be all over soon Hurray :lol:
  6. spookybiking

    spookybiking Member


  7. TheMusicMan

    TheMusicMan tMP Founder Staff Member

    Hey spookybiking

    Did you know you can edit your own posts...? (see above - I have changed the word you corrected in your next post)

    There is an 'edit' button in the post, simply click on that and you can edit what you have already typed even if you have submitted the post already...!
  8. Anonymous

    Anonymous Member

    Hey Rutty Santa may work one day a year but what about the organisation, imagine having to plan your journey extremely carefully allaround the world, starting down under in Australia first and then working his way round to your home delivering the pressies.

    Does anyone believe in Father Christmas?
  9. Fishsta

    Fishsta Active Member

    Of course I do!
  10. Keppler

    Keppler Moderator Staff Member

    you mean, you're not him?! :eek:
  11. akwarose

    akwarose Active Member

    who doesnt believe in santa?!?!?!?!!?!!?!
  12. Okiedokie of Oz

    Okiedokie of Oz Active Member

    I knew Santa was no legit when I caught Dad playing Santa at a Playgroup function.
  13. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member


  14. Okiedokie of Oz

    Okiedokie of Oz Active Member

    Never made it off the Naughty list, I imagine?
  15. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    me?! naughty?!?! Neveeeeeeeer...
    Vicars daughter me... *angel*

  16. Okiedokie of Oz

    Okiedokie of Oz Active Member

    Aren't they usually the Very bad children??

    The only one who could ever reach me
    was the son of a preacherman!!
  17. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    i think you've grossly over estimated the number of good children... as far as i can tell it's just me...
  18. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    :D :lol: :D
  19. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    well... yes

    :lol: ;-)
  20. BigHorn

    BigHorn Active Member

    Well its not surprising. He only comes once a year - and thats down the chimney :shock:

Share This Page