The Taxman's Revenge

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by MRSH, Jun 21, 2005.

  1. MRSH

    MRSH Supporting Member

    So, someone at the Inland Revenue does have a sense of humour!!!!!!!

    Taken from the Guardian, an actual letter sent by the Inland Revenue:

    Dear Mr Addison,

    I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order. Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we, at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy; traditionally referred to such documents.

    Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and ****ant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin” or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

    Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking façade of a university system."

    A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:
    1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system;
    2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrows of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medicallogistics involved would make it financially unviable.

    I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the money.

    Please forward it by Friday.

    Yours Sincerely,
    H J Lee
    Customer Relations
  2. jingleram

    jingleram Active Member

    Brilliant! Acctually made me laugh! This fella has obviously got some gripe about paying his taxes, whats does he think will happen if there was no money for emergency services, if he had his neck snapped in half by some willing neighbour he'd be glad of that tax money paying for the ambulence to save his sorry hide!
  3. sevenhelz

    sevenhelz Active Member

    and here is where i would normally just give you some rep, but now i have to reply ;)
  4. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    That's fantastic!!
  5. Crazysop

    Crazysop Member

  6. 2nd man down

    2nd man down Moderator Staff Member

    Genius. :clap:

    It was only one word, how difficult could it have been? :cool:;)
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 23, 2005
  7. Di

    Di Active Member

    Woops, sorry about that Mr Crawf, someone has stuck an edit button where my quote button usually is. :redface::oops::tongue:
  8. 2nd man down

    2nd man down Moderator Staff Member


    Editing my posts?!?!?!? This cast a WHOLE new light on the MADE UP evidence in our Court Case!!!!!!! Now I have CAST IRON PROOF that you were able to doctor my posts to make me look bad, and that in actual fact, everything I had said about you was nice!!! :eek: :eek:
  9. Di

    Di Active Member

    Don't you take that tone with ME young man. Now, get back on TOPIC! :biggrin::wink:

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