The Mozart effect a hoax?

Discussion in 'The Rehearsal Room' started by DublinBass, May 28, 2005.

  1. DublinBass

    DublinBass Supporting Member

    A new report now says that the Mozart effect is a fraud. For you pampering parents: no, playing Mozart for your designer baby will not improve his IQ or help him get into that exclusive pre-school. He'll just have to be admitted to Oxford or Cambridge some other way.

    However there is recent evidence regarding the effects of other composers' music being played during a fetus/ child's developmental time?

    LISZT EFFECT: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important.

    BRUCKNER EFFECT: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains reputation for profundity.

    WAGNER EFFECT: Child becomes a megalomaniac. May eventually marry his sister.

    MAHLER EFFECT: Child continually screams - at great length and volume that he's dying.

    SCHOENBERG EFFECT: Child never repeats a word until he's used all the other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talks backwards. Eventually, people stop listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to understand him.

    BABBITT EFFECT: Child gibbers nonsense all the time. Eventually, people stop listening to him. Child doesn't care because all his playmates think he's cool.

    IVES EFFECT: the child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.

    GLASS EFFECT: the child tends to repeat himself over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

    STRAVINSKY EFFECT: the child is prone to savage, guttural and profane outbursts that often lead to fighting and pandemonium in the preschool.

    BRAHMS EFFECT: the child is able to speak beautifully as long as his sentences contain a multiple of three words (3, 6, 9, 12, etc). However, his sentences containing 4 or 8 words are strangely uninspired.

    AND THEN OF COURSE, THE CAGE EFFECT -- CHILD SAYS NOTHING FOR 4 MINUTES, 33 SECONDS. PREFERRED BY 9 OUT OF 10 CLASSROOM TEACHERS.
     
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  3. groovy

    groovy Active Member

    Very good! :clap: :D :tup
     
  4. Magic Flute

    Magic Flute Supporting Member

    :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: Brilliant!
     
  5. euphfanhan

    euphfanhan Member

    :confused: I dont get it????
     
  6. brasscrest

    brasscrest Active Member

    You need to listen to some classical music, then.
     
  7. brassneck

    brassneck Active Member

    ... it's based on the Suzuki Method (... and nothing to do with motorbikes! :cool: )
     
  8. Dave Euph

    Dave Euph Member

    Well done ... ;)
     
  9. sevenhelz

    sevenhelz Active Member

    particularly like the schoenberg... :):)
     
  10. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    Great! Schoenberg one's great!
     
  11. Liz Courts

    Liz Courts Active Member

    After studying some of his work over the last year, this thread is much appreciated!! :clap:


    I like the Cage effect one too!! Hehe! :D
     
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  13. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    very clever.... nice find.
     
  14. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    You could always add the Havergal Brian effect: tendency to expansive expression fairly early in life, then a renewed outpouring in the latter years ;)
     
  15. tootnbuzz

    tootnbuzz Member

    My favorite was the Glass Effect.

    My favorite was the Glass Effect.

    My favorite was the Glass Effect.

    My favorite was the Glass Effect.

    My favorite was the Glass Effect.

    My favorite was the Glass Effect.

    My favorite was the Glass Effect.
     
  16. euphfanhan

    euphfanhan Member

    ....Now I get it...

    And I do listen to clascial music...toccata in d minor- bernaerts rock version :p
     
  17. Bariman

    Bariman Member

    Any suggestions for composers of brass band music?
     
  18. bassinthebathroom

    bassinthebathroom Active Member

    Many have said i suffer from the Wilby effect, but I personally find that untrue. I make sense sometimes...
     
  19. brassneck

    brassneck Active Member

    how about?

    The VINTER EFFECT - A child of invention who dares to venture into foreign territory and develop ideas unheard of and add things that have been oddly missing in that culture. Tends to upset traditionalists who don't like modernisation.

    The HOWARTH EFFECT - Talented and gifted child who tends to be misunderstood and seen as contraversial from his peers. Sometimes invites his similarly-minded pals to join in other's games but are treated the same. Must either have a good sense of humour or copes with frustration well!

    .... :rolleyes:
     
  20. Will the Sec

    Will the Sec Active Member

    The Richards effect

    Produces lots of quality compositions, but is mostly heard espousing the pops on summer weekends

    Coat!
     
  21. EflatTenor

    EflatTenor New Member

    Brilliant! I especially like the Schoenberg one!

    I grew up with Haydn, Chopin and Beethoven. (Mozart as well) What can I expect (and my parents and teachers)?:biggrin:
     
  22. Thirteen Ball

    Thirteen Ball Active Member

    How about

    THE BROADBENT EFFECT: No matter what the child says his whole life, despite how insightful or intelligent, people keep only remember the funny phrase used by terry wogan

    THE BERNAERTS EFFECT: Child utters inane babble constantly, which confuses and angers adults, but is understood and loved by other children.

    THE BOLTON EFFECT: Child uses formative sentence to re-phrase another's words to great effect, and is then immediately banned from ever repeating or publishing that sentence again.

    THE RIMMER EFFECT: As long as the child is allowed to walk smartly up and down, sentences are powerful, meaningful, and stick in the mind for days.

    THE SEIBERT EFFECT: The child's broad ranging and diverse words are used to train generations of other children, though the original subject of the sentences is rendered very obscure by the gap of several generations.

    No offence to any (Living or dead) intended!
     

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