The difference between men and women!!

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by TheMusicMan, Jan 25, 2005.

  1. TheMusicMan

    TheMusicMan tMP Founder Staff Member

    NICKNAMES
    If Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah.
    If Mike, Charlie, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

    EATING OUT
    When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
    When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

    MONEY
    A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

    BATHROOMS
    A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
    The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

    ARGUMENTS
    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    CATS
    Women love cats.
    Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

    FUTURE
    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

    SUCCESS
    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    MARRIAGE
    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

    DRESSING UP
    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

    NATURAL
    Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
    Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

    OFFSPRING
    Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
    Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
     
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  3. super_sop

    super_sop Supporting Member

    Lol Brill!
     
  4. Maestro

    Maestro Active Member

    Excellent John
     
  5. Fergus

    Fergus Member

    Here's another....

    ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
    Smart man + smart woman = romance
    Smart man + dumb woman = affair
    Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
    Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


    And another..........

    OFFICE ARITHMETIC
    Smart boss + smart employee = profit
    Smart boss + dumb employee = production
    Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
    Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
     
  6. Craigsav83

    Craigsav83 Active Member

    Lmao!!!
     
  7. Brassb3ll3nd

    Brassb3ll3nd Member

    Vive la differance!!
     
  8. Big Twigge

    Big Twigge Active Member

    Nice work although we're not that bad all the time . . . .


    are we?!
     
  9. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    *No Comment*
     
  10. WoodenFlugel

    WoodenFlugel Moderator Staff Member

    *cough*
     
  11. Big Twigge

    Big Twigge Active Member

    You imply we may be this bad, but without us.....life would be no fun ;) !
     
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  13. WhatSharp?

    WhatSharp? Active Member

    Yes it would I could go out banding every night! :D
    <only joking Mrs W.S.!>
     
  14. 2nd man down

    2nd man down Moderator Staff Member

    Yeah it would...we still have tMP and access to other less reputable internet sites!!!! ;)
     
  15. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    Watch it Steve! :eek:
     
  16. IckleSop

    IckleSop Active Member

    Surely you couldnt live without us?!
     
  17. mikelyons

    mikelyons Supporting Member

    What choice do we have - we can't live with you either!

    Maybe we should be doing what the women are doing chaps - researching into keeping the race going without the other half.

    I'm sure we'd find a better way of growing short people than all that morning sickness and indigestion stuff. ;)

    Just think of the money we could save :)
     
  18. TuTuKu

    TuTuKu Active Member

    My Dad's the total opposite of this... pretends to hate the dog while we're around, to preserve his "Dad cred" as he calls it, and then as soon as we're out the room, he's coochie cooing all over him!

    Sure men are all softies at heart!
     
  19. yonhee

    yonhee Active Member

    Girls are better than boys
    (an TMM how dare you kick cats! :x cats are nice and i reckon you shuld meet Angus cept hes from a book but never mind hed kill you)
     
  20. bigmamabadger

    bigmamabadger Active Member

    My Dad's like this too. One of our kittens got stuck under the piano and he said we should just leave it there while we had dinner because it was only a stupid cat. He bolted his food and rushed off muttering about doing some work in the study, but we found him, 20 minutes later cooing over the kitten he'd patiently coaxed out from under the piano.

    Men are generally softer than women when push comes to shove...
    BMB
    xx
     
  21. Darth_Tuba

    Darth_Tuba Active Member

    Beurgh
     
  22. yonhee

    yonhee Active Member

    Whats that sposed to be?
     

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