1 Eb Soprano Cornet - Too loud and usually out of tune. Convinced he has the most difficult part in the band. 1 Principal Cornet - Concieted. uses too much vibrato. 1 Second Man Down - Either thinks he would make a better principal or hero-worships the principal. 1 Third Man Down - Loud brutal musical thug with lots of stamina and no finesse 1 Fourth Man Down - Like third man down, only louder and thicker. 1 Repiano Cornet - Waiting for a chance to play principal 2 Second Cornets - Hesistant, out of tune, but can play a bottom C. 2 Third Cornets - Loud, out of tune, but can play a bottom G. 1 Flügelhorn - Plays flat. Can't decide whether to be a cornet or a horn. 1 Solo Horn Eb - Usually a girlie - irrespective of whether male or female 2 Tenor Horns Eb - Can't play a unison tone in tune if one of them is dead First Baritone - Useless player, out of tune all the time Second Baritone - Even worse player. Only there to show what the first baritone could do if he tried. 2 Euphoniums - Show-off and trainee show-off 1 Solo Trombone - Steam driven. Rasps most of the time. 1 Second Trombone - Sloppy player, but can rasp even at pianissimo. 1 Bass Trombone - Chainsaw with vibrato 2 Eb Basses - look like two drunken farts. 2 Bb Basses - play like two drunken farts. Percussion - Have lots of noisy toys which must be used in the most inappropriate way possible, Must be totally incapable of producing a swing rhythm. Conductor - So devoid of musical ability that he thinks the abovve shower sounds good.