The Archetypal Brass Band

Discussion in 'The Rehearsal Room' started by carlwoodman, Apr 21, 2005.

  1. carlwoodman

    carlwoodman Member

    Messages:
    435
    Location:
    Rochester, Kent
    I received this by email earlier today.
    It made me laugh anyway!

    1 Eb Soprano cornet Too loud, usually out of tune. Convinced he has the most difficult part in the band
    1 Principal cornet Conceited - uses too much vibrato
    1 "Second man down" or "bumper upper" Either thinks he would make a better principal, or hero-worships the principal
    1 "Third man down" Loud brutal musical thug with lots of stamina and no finesse
    1 "Fourth man down" Like third man down, only louder and thicker
    1 Repiano cornet Waiting for a chance to play principal
    2 2nd cornets Hesitant, out of tune, but can play a bottom C
    2 3rd cornets Loud, out of tune, but can play bottom G
    1 Flugelhorn Plays flat. Can't decide whether to be a cornet or a horn
    1 Solo horn Usually a girlie - irrespective of whether a male or female player
    2 Tenor horns Can play a unison tone in tune if one of them is dead
    1st Baritone Useless player, out of tune all the time
    2nd Baritone Even worse player. Only there to show what the first baritone could do if he tried
    2 Euphoniums Show-off and trainee show-off
    1 1st trombone Steam driven. Rasps most of the time
    1 2nd trombone Sloppy player, but can rasp even at pianissimo
    1 Bass trombone Chainsaw with vibrato
    2 Eb basses Look like two drunken f4rts
    2 Bb basses Sound like two drunken f4rts
    Percussion Have lots of noisy toys which must be used in the most inappropriate way possible. Must be totally incapable of producing a swing rhythm
    Conductor So devoid of musical ability that
     
  2. Crazysop

    Crazysop Member

    Messages:
    690
    Location:
    Oldham
    Whats the rest of it?

    Very funny though:clap:
     
  3. carlwoodman

    carlwoodman Member

    Messages:
    435
    Location:
    Rochester, Kent
    .....he thinks the above shower sounds good.
     
  4. Cornishwomble

    Cornishwomble Active Member

    Messages:
    2,378
    Location:
    Ryhill, Wakefield
    Are you reading this Crawf? :clap: :tup
     
  5. lewis

    lewis Member

    Messages:
    525
    Location:
    Guildford, Surrey
    Think vibrato should be dropped from the bass trombone, chainsaw will do thanks :D
     
  6. Soppy

    Soppy Member

    Messages:
    266
    Location:
    Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk
    Saw this the other week.

    I would just like to point out however that Soprano's are not usually out of tune; the rest of the band is :D
     
  7. lewis

    lewis Member

    Messages:
    525
    Location:
    Guildford, Surrey
    As long as you keep on telling yourself that I'm sure it'll all be ok ;-)
     
  8. Chunky

    Chunky Active Member

    Messages:
    1,942
    Location:
    Norwich
    I have heard Soppy say that on many occasions, the lad is diluded!
     
  9. lewis

    lewis Member

    Messages:
    525
    Location:
    Guildford, Surrey
    I think that playing high must add additional pressure to the brain, as diluded seems to be a constant among sop players.
     
  10. Spanky Rear

    Spanky Rear Member

    Messages:
    167
    Location:
    London
    Brain??....Deluded!!!!!.......Diluted!!!!!?
     
  11. Craigsav83

    Craigsav83 Active Member

    Messages:
    5,225
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Not all that far away from the truth in many cases! ;) Except the bit about sop..... an out of tune, too loud sop??? Never!! :biggrin:
     
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