1. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, a good cook, and great in bed. But the law allows only one wife. 2. Marriages are made in heaven. But, again, so are thunder, lightning, tornados and hail. 3. One woman's hobby is usually another woman's hubby. 4. The easiest way to make your old car run better is to check the prices of a new car. 5. It's what people don't know about each other that makes them such good friends. 6. If you can't get a lawyer who knows the law, best get one who knows the judge. 7. A man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. 8. I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. 9. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. 10. I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. 11. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. 12. Marriage is like a cage; those outside are desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. 13. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. 14. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.