Snappy Answers

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by MRSH, Feb 26, 2004.

  1. MRSH

    MRSH Supporting Member

    Snappy Answer 1
    A stewardess was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.”

    Snappy Answer 2
    A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at the supermarket, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked the shelf stacker, ”Do these chickens get any bigger ?” He replied, “No , they’re dead.”

    Snappy Answer 3
    The policeman got out of his car and the lad who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. “I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the policeman said. The lad replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.” When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the lad on his way without a ticket.

    Snappy Answer 4
    A lorry driver was driving along. A sign comes up that reads “low bridge ahead.” Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman gets out of his car and walks around to the lorry driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck ?” The lorry driver says, “No mate, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol.”

    and finally, number 5,


    **Snappy answer of the year**
    THE TEACHER
    A university lecturer reminds her students of tomorrow’s final exam. ”Now, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”
    A smart-a**e bloke in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, ”What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion ?” The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter.

    When silence is restored, the lecturer smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, “Well, I suppose you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”
     
  2. theMouthPiece Related Searches

    Find more discussions like this one
  3. Maestro

    Maestro Active Member

    Something similar to No 3 happened to me.
    I was playing football and 'accidentally' got somebody's legs instead of the ball. The ref came over to me and told me he was cautioning me for a late tackle. I told him I was sorry and that I got there as quick as I could. 2 minutes later I was having my bath on my own. Some people have no sense of humour :evil:
     
  4. sort of comes into0 this. my friend walked into greggs (bakers) and the girl asked if she could help. he pulled out his maths text book and told her he was stuck on one of the long calculations!! :lol:
     
  5. Straightmute

    Straightmute Active Member

    I was in a rehearsal with a well known conductor. He stopped the band and said to the solo horn: 'I don't like your breathing in bar 156'. We repeated the passage four or five times but his response was always the same.

    Eventually the horn play gave up un desperation: 'please, just tell me what I've got to do to make my breathing right'

    The conductor laughed (for the first time in 20 rehearsals): 'Try Freshmints', he said.

    You had to be there really.

    D
     
  6. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Maestro's right, see homocidalbennyboy's reply to the 'Colin McRae' thread.....
     
  7. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    ok, ok, ok..... ;)
     
  8. Maestro

    Maestro Active Member


    Gordon Bennett.......That's got to be a first Dave! Cheers :lol:
     
  9. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Well you beat me to THAT first! I'm still waiting! :)
     
  10. Seedhouse

    Seedhouse Active Member

    Lol, liked the teacher one! :lol: :lol:
     
  11. akwarose

    akwarose Active Member

    same thing happened with a pe teacher at our school. this guy said he couldnt run coz he'd strained his groin, and our teacher oh-so-sweetly asked if it was because he'd pulled too hard the night before. we were in hysterics for hours after...... oh so hi lary bus
     
  12. theMouthPiece Related Searches

    Find more discussions like this one
  13. Jo Elson

    Jo Elson Member

    there funny! :D
     
  14. amazing :lol: :lol: :wink:
     

Share This Page