Simple Maths, Stats and Observations

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by MRSH, Mar 9, 2005.

  1. MRSH

    MRSH Supporting Member

    I think I can relate to these. Don't forget folks - Smile as you read:p:biggrin:

    ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
    Smart man + smart woman = romance
    Smart man + dumb woman = affair
    Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
    Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

    OFFICE ARITHMETIC
    Smart boss + smart employee = profit
    Smart boss + dumb employee = production
    Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
    Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

    SHOPPING MATHS
    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

    GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    HAPPINESS
    To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
    To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

    LONGEVITY
    Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

    PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

    DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
    Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped very soon after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
     
  2. i'm sure this has been up before ...
     
  3. MRSH

    MRSH Supporting Member

    My apologies if it has - I did do quite an extensive search on many keywords and came up with nothing.

    But hey-ho. Sorry to bore you if you've seen it before :tup:wink::)
     
  4. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    Here's one they missed:

    FINANCE
    WOMAN (smart or dumb) + SMART CARD = DISASTER :mad:
     
  5. six pints

    six pints Active Member

    heres one i did today

    smart six pints + gullible bank managers = increase in overdraft!!!
     
  6. mikelyons

    mikelyons Supporting Member

    In that case, hen, don't go into teaching cos you'll have to pay it back :eek:
     
  7. six pints

    six pints Active Member

    noooooooo!! i need money for shoes!!!! (only bought one pair today honest!)
     
  8. yonhee

    yonhee Active Member

    hahaha :D
     

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