Shirts and Ironing....

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by CaharleyFarley, Oct 7, 2004.

  1. CaharleyFarley

    CaharleyFarley Member

    Stoke on Trent
    Have you ever woken up after a really good nights sleep, seen the sun shining and feel that you can take on the whole world? Well, that happened to me this morning. I just knew with such certainty that the day had come!! - I was going to iron a shirt!!

    I spent the next twenty minutes or so roaming the house, vainly searching for that mysterious contraption - is it called "an ironing board"? At one point I was so sure that I could hear my late darling wife sniggering to herself in heaven as she thought to herself "He'll never find it where I left it - behind the small toilet door - where the cat litter is kept". Eventually Eureka! - it was found. After another twenty minutes or so of fumbling, the board was up! (without any serious personal injury being inflicted) - wow my confidence was gaining all the time.

    I now decided that perhaps a ciggie and a cup of tea might be a good idea - as I pondered which side of the board did I stand? and did the pointed bit point right or left?? I also wondered whether it might not be a good idea to try ironing a towel or something - just to get warmed up. But no - it was to be the shirt or nothing.

    Having finished the tea - with trembling hands I approached the shirt - It must be best to do the collar first, I thought to myself - the collar ironed nice and flat and not being a total dummy I knew that the collar then had to be folded over - this I did. Just to check progress I tried the shirt on and looked in the mirror - why did the collar go across my throat in a diagonal line??

    Ironing the front and back was relatively easy - especially when I realised that after the shirt had slid off the board five times - two heavy books at one end of the shirt kept everything in place whilst I tackled the other end.

    Progress was continually being hampered by the clouds of steam fogging up my specs.

    Now for the sleeves! Why was it that having got one side flat, when the sleeve was turned over megga creases had appeared in the other side??

    Most of the morning had now passed away so I decided that enough was enough. The shirt now hangs in pride of place in the living room - I will iron another one one day.

    A quick check of my fingers convinced me that the burns didn't really warrant a trip to the A & E dept.

    Are the buttons supposed to melt??

    Whilst on the subject of "where did it all go wrong" perhaps someone could also correct my porridge making skills. I place oats in a bowl, add milk and cook in the microwave until hot. I am usually here faced with a mixture that would break the teeth of a hyena - so undeterred I keep adding milk and reheating. Eventually after using approx three pints of milk I have a bucket full of something that I am sure, should this news ever leak out, could be used to fill the cracks in spaghetti junction or perhaps be used to coat the nose cone of a space shuttle - the astronauts would be totally safe on re entry with my porridge to protect them!!

    It's such a hard life friends.
  2. Thirteen Ball

    Thirteen Ball Active Member

    Brighouse, Yorkshire
    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Brilliant! Hysterical!

    PS.Can you teach our back row about this mysterious 'ironing' now?
  3. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Isle of Arran and lovin' it!
    What might be called a pressing engagement....
  4. six pints

    six pints Active Member

    use the official collingwood method....

    hang shirt on iron. hang on dry side of shower. have shower. get dried and pick up shirt, and voila, le shirt is ironed!
  5. bigmamabadger

    bigmamabadger Active Member

    Schloss Dachstein
    Marvellous! Soon we'll have you ironing box pleats and using a goffering iron like a pro!
  6. Red Elvis

    Red Elvis Active Member

    Foolproof method this.Attempt to iron shirt in front of a lady friend.Make a pigs ear of it.They cannot help themselves and will take over and produce a first class result.Works for me every time !!!
  7. flugelgal

    flugelgal Active Member

    Not with me it doesn'.... OH! :shock:
  8. mikelyons

    mikelyons Supporting Member

    Any man who can't iron his own shirts is a wuss!

    especially his band shirts
  9. ju33les

    ju33les Member

    I NEVER have to iron my work shirts. I have a secret weapon called a TIMBONE that does the job for me!;)

    Coincidentally...I phoned home on the way back from the "Big House" today and he was mortified ,cos it was a bit earlier than usual...and he was still ironing!!!!(and hadn't started the tea!!)

    Sorry Tim.....hee heee heee hee :p
  10. Mrs Womble

    Mrs Womble Member

    Ryhill Wakefield
    Don't know if i'm the only one in the world but.............. I love ironing!!! I could iron all day if I could!!! SAD I know:)

    But well done for trying :-?
  11. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    :lol: :lol: :lol:
    Happens to me everytime!

  12. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    Hadleigh, Essex
    Never had a problem ironing shirts, but can't stand pressing trousers - unlike another ex-guards friend of mine who insisted on doing his own trousers.

    (Loved the porridge story, by the way - didn't read it properly last night, but creased up this morning - where's that iron??!!!)
  13. Maestro

    Maestro Active Member

    Romford, Essex
    I will NOT let my better half anywhere near my clothes with an iron.
    She ironed a pair of trousers for me once. There were more lines in them than Clapham Junction!! :ranting2: :ranting2:

    If she tries to iron anything for me, it goes staight back in the wash, and I'll do it myself!

    On the positive front, she make the best stew & dumplings that I have ever tasted, and her Lasagne is worth the odd munch or 10. :-D :-D
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2004
  14. davidquinlan

    davidquinlan Member

    New Southgate, London
    I think every new Iron and Ironing board should come with a training shirt, with arrows and numbers etc pointing in the direction one should iron, and in what order, sleeve, collar, cuffs etc etc..

    fool proof....
  15. Pythagoras

    Pythagoras Active Member

    Rubbish at ironing. Probably something to do with only remembering to do it 5 minutes before I have to leave.

    Have a principle that I only iron proper shirts not t-shirts.
  16. Sellers_Bird

    Sellers_Bird Active Member

    Last place God built
    if u catch the clothes quick enough fresh out of the drier then they dont need ironing.... otherwise a swift hang up in the bathroom while ur havin a shower sorts the creases out!
  17. Spanky Rear

    Spanky Rear Member


    I do the ironing for 6 adults.It works out at about 3-4 hours p.w.Its been this way for years and I like it so.I get the chance to be on my own and listen to CDs in peace and quiet.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice