Scary sentences

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Mesmerist, Jul 29, 2009.

  1. Jack E

    Jack E Well-Known Member

    I've just remembered another one . . .

    Back in World War II, the Royal Navy realised that torpedoes, which were very expensive bits of kit, could be salvaged if they missed their targets - as they wouldn't explode, and floated to the surface once their internal motors stopped. So the brass-hats in the Admirality put out a reward notice to fisherman, offering to cross their palms with silver if they brought one back.

    Some time later, a small fishing boat chugged into the Naval dockyard at Devonport, pulled up alongside a destroyer, and the skipper called up to the rating on watch that he he'd found "one o' your torpedoes". The rating called the duty officer, who peered down at the tangle of nets and obscure glimpses of metal . . . and suddenly realised with horror that what he was looking at was NOT a torpedo, but a MINE!!

    You may have seen pictures of mines of that period; great big steel balls, with spikes sticking out at odd angle - like this:


    The 'spikes' are, in fact, easily crushed tubes, each one containing a glass phial of sulphuric acid. When a ship nudges the tubes (even gently) the glass breaks, allowing the acid to fall onto two lead plates in the bottom of the tube, which then creates a small lead acid battery. Once the acid makes the circuit complete, the resulting current sets off the detonator, and the mine does this . . .


    . . . at this point, the duty officer's hair practically stood on end, as he bellowed at the bemused fisherman something on the lines of "Get that (very rude word) thing away from here before it blows us to Hell!! It's not a torpedo, it's (another very rude word) MINE!!"

    Turning to the equally horrified seaman, he ordered him to call the Captain and let him know what was going on. As the seaman raced off to put the fear of God into the Captain, the duty officer realised the fisherman was calling him again. The sight that met his eyes must have aged him ten years on the spot. There, still right alongside his ship, was the fishing boat . . . with the mine now clearly visible . . . and the skipper dangling a large lump hammer in his hand . . . and a gentle smile on his face as he called up:

    "Don't worry, boy - Oi've bashed all they triggers off wi' this!"

    A couple of hundred guardian angels really earnt their pay on that shift . . . :D
    Mesmerist likes this.
  2. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    Jack. I'm ever so overcome with awe. Is this a TRUE story? It's such an OMG one!
  3. Jack E

    Jack E Well-Known Member

    Absolutely! The story was related in a book about the unsung heroes who worked on small minesweepers throughout the war - from memory (I read it a long time ago), I think the book was called 'Glory Passed Them By' (but I can't swear to that.) The title was an extract from a poem, the relevant line reading:

    "Death was their comrade, but Glory passed them by."

    The quotation fits those men to a tee.
    Mesmerist likes this.
  4. John Brooks

    John Brooks Well-Known Member

    It's 3:00am in Moscow and suddenly there's a very loud knocking at the door. The resident opens the door to be faced with several Russian secret police who say "Is your name Igor Igorovich"?
  5. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    To which the quick answer is "No " (in a high squeak) "My name is Samantha Brick"...