Rules for Playing in a Band

Discussion in 'The Rehearsal Room' started by eflatbass, Aug 10, 2011.

  1. eflatbass

    eflatbass Supporting Member

    This amused me when I received it in my email this morning. It came from a forum (not this one, obviously), to which I belong.


    1. Everyone should play the same piece.

    2. Observe the repeat signs only if what you just played was interesting.

    3. If you play a wrong note, glare at one of the other players.

    4. The right note, at the wrong time, is a wrong note. (And vice-versa.)

    5. A wrong note, played timidly, is a wrong note.

    6. A wrong note, played with authority, is simply your interpretation of the

    7. If everyone gets lost except you, follow the ones who are lost.

    8. Strive always to play the maximum notes per second. This will intimidate
    the weaker players and gain you the admiration of the ignorant.

    9. Markings for slurs, dynamics, and accidentals should be completely
    ignored. They are only there to make the score look more complicated.

    10. If a passage is difficult, slow down. If it is easy, speed up.
    Everything will even itself out in the end.

    11. You have achieved a true interpretation when, in the end, you have not
    played one note of the original piece.

    12. When everyone else stops playing, you should stop also. Do not play any
    notes you may have left over.
  2. mikelyons

    mikelyons Supporting Member

    I could have written that...but I didn't! :clap:
  3. Backrowdiva

    Backrowdiva Member

    I love it, must make a copy for the band notice board!!!

  4. Maestro

    Maestro Active Member

    Ditto. Brilliant. Thanks for sharing it.
  5. eflatbass

    eflatbass Supporting Member

    There are additional rules, one of which is:

    13. Remember to throw an occasional glance at the MD, so he/she does not feel too isolated.
  6. Thirteen Ball

    Thirteen Ball Active Member

    14. Never trust anyone holding a stick. Musicians hold instruments, not sticks....

    15. Trombones always rush, baritones always drag.

    16. Whether basses actually try and play the right semiquavers, or waggle and hope, the effect will be the same.
  7. MoominDave

    MoominDave Well-Known Member

    Hah. This one's so widely perceived as actually true that it's musically painful.

    I remember listening to various bands play 'Albion' at the finals 10 years ago... There's a passage that comes several times where the basses play a couple of 4/4 bars of descending semiquaver triplets, while the rest of the band plays a similar ascending figure. In rehearsal, I'd got used to just hearing a lot of finger-flapping leading to generally descending sonic mud from behind me, and listening to almost all other bands (including some big names), the effect was remarkably similar. But then Cory came on - and their bass section, to an individual, completely nailed the passage every time, in total synchronisation with the rest of the band. The effect was stunningly improved, and shows what can happen when a bass section don't rely on this lazy old maxim.

    Sorry to intrude on a joke thread with a serious point, but if I was in front of a band, I'd be down instantly on any bass player who asserted this to me. It's nearly as bad as that other easily-demolished bass section canard - "it's too low for anyone to hear if it's out of tune".
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2011
  8. Eb master

    Eb master Member

    your a bass trombone player, correct? That means your arguement is not, never was and never will be valid.
  9. MoominDave

    MoominDave Well-Known Member

    I am deeply anguished to have questioned the etiquette of this most glorious of instruments, O sanguine master...
  10. Thirteen Ball

    Thirteen Ball Active Member

    I never said it was true, Dave - nor can I disagree with any of your points.

    I'm reminded of a conversation I had with an Eb player who sat next to me for a while - whom I won't name. However when I mentioned that the rythm he was playing in a 12:8 bar of quavers wandered slow when the back-valve became involved, and then rushed when the figure dropped onto 1+2, his response was "I'm getting the notes in before the barline, what more do you want?"

    The mind absolutely boggles.....
  11. euphymike

    euphymike Member

    As my mother used to say, ex jazz singer and father trombone player, to the girls in the family. "Nnever trust a man who plays an insturment that keeps changing shape whilst he plays it"!

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