Rules for Females... about Males !

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by rightnowmusic, Dec 2, 2004.

  1. rightnowmusic

    rightnowmusic Member

    Male rules for the Females.

    We always hear 'the rules' from the female side.
    Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules ! :D

    - Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

    - Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

    - Saturday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    - Don't cut your hair - ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons men fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair.

    - Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    - Crying IS blackmail.

    - Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

    - We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

    - Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

    - 'Yes and No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    - Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    - Check your oil! Please.

    - Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    - If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.... we refuse to answer.

    - If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    - Let us ogle other women. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

    - You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    - Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    - Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

    - All men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.

    - If it itches, it will be scratched. That's what we do to itches.

    - We are not mindreaders and we never will be. Our lack of mindreading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

    - If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing', we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    - If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    - When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!

    - Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel fluff, the 4-4-2 formation, or fast cars.

    - You have enough clothes.

    - You have too many shoes.

    - No, you REALLY do have too many shoes.

    - It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

    - Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

    - I am in shape. Round is a shape.

    Lastly, Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the sofa tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

    Very funny, I thought...

    Mark :D:D:D:D:D
  2. Big Twigge

    Big Twigge Active Member

    I quite like this...even as a bird, I can see the funny side!

    (and yes, I do have too many shoes!)
  3. rutty

    rutty Active Member

    Seen it before, but still ****** funny :D
  4. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    LOL!!! :lol: :lol: ace...
  5. BbBill

    BbBill Supporting Member

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: must be 1 of the funniest posts ive read!! :clap:
  6. Craigsav83

    Craigsav83 Active Member

    Thats fantastic!!! :lol:
  7. six pints

    six pints Active Member

    thats brill-altho i really dont have too many shoes..... ;)
  8. rightnowmusic

    rightnowmusic Member

    Glad you like it folks..... Be sure to let other people know.... I think's it's wonderful ! :D
  9. akwarose

    akwarose Active Member

    hem hem
    excuse me.
    i have short hair...
  10. rightnowmusic

    rightnowmusic Member

    But, of course.... there's always an exception to every rule.... :p
  11. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    :lol: I used to have a number 3 all round... the top spikey... I liked it, was cool... but I've let it grow now this past year or so and it looks much better :) just a matter of getting used to it now!
    Not gonna get it cut for a while yet... and when the time comes I'll make sure they only snip a tiny tiny tiny amount! :lol:
  12. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    Oh yea... and like everything... rules are there to be broken

  13. Fergus

    Fergus Member