Rite proper pleez

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by JessopSmythe, Feb 1, 2004.

  1. JessopSmythe

    JessopSmythe Active Member

    In the past, there's been some debate on here about the use of proper English. Most of these have been about the use of "txt spk" and about the (mis)use of punctuation. I've just found a wonderful example that shows just how important punctuation really is.

    The following letters use exactly the same words but convey absolute opposite meanings.

    Dear Jack,
    I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy - will you let me be yours?

    Dear Jack,
    I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men I yearn! For you I have no feeling whatsoever. When we're apart I can be for ever happy. Will you let me be?
    Yours, Jill
  2. Big Twigge

    Big Twigge Active Member

    There's a book around at the moment thats all about the incorrect use of punctuation...
    The panda eats, shoots and leaves or
    The panda eats shoots and leaves

    Or something along those lines!
  3. JessopSmythe

    JessopSmythe Active Member

    Guess what I'm reading :roll:
  4. amgray

    amgray Member

    I'm interested to know what the book is called. Please?
  5. Maestro

    Maestro Active Member

    Anyone else know the joke I'm thinking of here?
    Would post it, but fear very much that it would soon be deleted :twisted:
  6. Chunky

    Chunky Active Member

    If its the one I'm thinking of, does your county of residence give a clue?
  7. jameshowell

    jameshowell Active Member

    If it's the one I know, yes it would soon get deleted... :lol:
  8. James Yelland

    James Yelland Active Member

    It's like the ambiguous reference from one employer to another:

    "She was always trying, and we will be glad to see her back".
  9. James Yelland

    James Yelland Active Member

    It's called Eats, Shoots and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Guide to Punctuation, by Lynne Truss. Published by Profile Books.
  10. Accidental

    Accidental Supporting Member

    Its a fab book, well worth a read if you know anything about using English properly! Maybe we could get tMM to add educational excerpts to the tMP library......
  11. Seedhouse

    Seedhouse Active Member

    Is the book really called that!?

    And Maestro if it's the one i'm thinking of, it would soon definately get deleted! :shock: :roll: :wink:
  12. Big Twigge

    Big Twigge Active Member

    It's next on my list of books to read. I just have to finish learning about being a fabulous girl with decorum, then I'll be learning about punctuation...so many educational resources!
  13. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    Talking of dodgy punctuation, I recall being quite excited when I came across a refence to Benjamin Britten's "Serenade for tenor horn and strings".

    And of course there is Frank Muir's immortal "What is this thing called, love?"
  14. geordiecolin

    geordiecolin Active Member

    A panda walked into a cafe. He ordered a sandwich, ate it, then pulled out a gun and shot the waiter. 'Why?' groaned the injured man. The panda shrugged, tossed him a badly punctuated wildlife manual and walked out. And sure enough, when the waiter consulted the book, he found an explanation. 'Panda,' read the entry for his assailant. 'Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.'
  15. Chunky

    Chunky Active Member

  16. jameshowell

    jameshowell Active Member

    no, not the one i know either.
  17. Seedhouse

    Seedhouse Active Member

    Not the one I know of either, mine's far dirtier!
  18. Maestro

    Maestro Active Member

    Not quite the version I know![/quote]

    If I remember rightly, you were the one that told me when we had that quintet job at the pub mate.
  19. Chunky

    Chunky Active Member


    If I remember rightly, you were the one that told me when we had that quintet job at the pub mate.[/quote]

    May well have been. However best joke of the night was my horn playing!
  20. Maestro

    Maestro Active Member

    Wrong mate. Biggest joke that night was trying to follow Alan's instructions on how to get there!!

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