Random Footy Gags of No pursuasion whatsoever??

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Chris Sanders, Dec 28, 2004.

  1. Chris Sanders

    Chris Sanders Active Member


    Q. Did you hear about the Man. United fan who studied 2 weeks for his urine test?

    Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
    A: Their personalities.

    Q: How do you confuse a Man U fan?
    A: Show him a map of Manchester.

    Q: How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Who cares? As long as the light bulb is changed every 3 months, costs 45 quid and comes in a different colour!

    Q: How many Manchester Utd. fans does it really take to change a light bulb?
    A: One to change the bulb, one to buy the 1997 lightbulb changing commemorative T-shirt and video, and one to drive the other two back to London.

    Q: You are the referee at Old Trafford. How near to a visiting defender does a tumbling United forward have to be to earn a penalty if he goes down in the box? (Note; Round your answers down to the nearest 20 yards.)

    Q. What's the difference between a match box and Man United?
    A. Alex Ferguson doesn't complain that a matchbox has too many matches every season.

    The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Dont rule out United, they can still win the premiership!" Snow White sighs & says "Well at least Dopey's alive."

    A van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Manchester United fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their ubiquitous red colours. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud 'THUMP' and
    then he would swerve back on the road.
    One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest
    hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest 'where are you going, Father?'
    'I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about 2 miles down the road' replied the priest.
    'No problem Father! I'll give you a lift! Climb in!'
    The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van
    continued down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Manchester United fan walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing him.
    However even though he was certain he missed the glory-hunting
    scum, he still heard a loud 'THUD.'
    Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his
    mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the priest and said 'I'm sorry Father, I almost hit the Manchester United fan.'
    'That's okay' replied the priest. 'I got the rag scum with the door!'

    Q: What's the difference between Wayne Rooney and an airfix kit?
    A: One's a glueless kit.
  2. lottie4744

    lottie4744 Member

    And why are all the jokes about Man Utd........
  3. Chris Sanders

    Chris Sanders Active Member

    Dunno... Just got an E-mail off a mate with em on... made me laff!!
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