Quotes on Parenthood

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Jack E, Feb 4, 2018.

  1. Jack E

    Jack E Well-Known Member

    "Watching the kids play hide and seek in the park. Mine just hid behind a chain-link fence. At least we don't have to save to put him through college."
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    "My son can now reach the light switches - so don't come over my house unless you're really into raves, or want to have a seizure."
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    (5:45am, in a harsh whisper) "Daddy, don't worry, you can sleep - I'm making my own breakfast. How do you turn on the oven?"
    (Me) "I'm up!"
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    "My 2 year old can figure out how to work the remote - but can't find his own mouth when he's eating spaghetti."
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    "Don't ask me if I've seen a movie. I have four little girls. If there wasn't a singing princess in it, the answer is 'No'."
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    "My youngest is being tested for the Gifted Program at his elementary school, and my other son thinks his toothbrush is haunted."
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    (me) "You can wish on any star you want."
    (son, gazing into the night sky) "Which one is the Death Star?"
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    "Don't dance while you're wiping your butt!

    That concludes today's edition of 'Things I Never Thought I'd Have to Yell at My Kids'.
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    (son) "Am I adopted?"
    (me) "Not yet - but we're hopeful."
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    "Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream."
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    "Babies are okay if you're into alarm clocks that poop."
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    "My daughter asked why we say 'hang up the phone'. I feel like I'm 90."
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    "And then one day we decided we were tired of sleeping in, and doing whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted, in a clean house - so we had kids."
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    "My 2 year old thinks every guy on the TV with a beard is me. We just watched an awesome documentary about how I freed the slaves . . . "
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    "My daughters took it in turns tracing each other, over and over, with chalk. Now it looks like 25 children were murdered in my driveway."
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    (4 year old making faces in the mirror)
    (me) "Your reflection always does exactly what you do."
    (4 year old) "Sometimes she doesn't."

    We're moving.
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  2. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    Especially love number 7 and the last one!
     
  3. Euphonium Lite

    Euphonium Lite Active Member

    My son fits both of #6.....
     
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  4. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    I'd love a haunted toothbrush.
     
  5. Jack E

    Jack E Well-Known Member

    Would you like congratulations, sympathy - or both? ;)
     
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  6. Jack E

    Jack E Well-Known Member

    Be careful what you pray for, Mesmerist - God has ears!
     
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  7. Euphonium Lite

    Euphonium Lite Active Member

    Me too.....
     
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  8. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    Does it disappear when needed or just talk to him?
     
  9. Euphonium Lite

    Euphonium Lite Active Member

    Lol he is what he is. I went to the Leicester contest without him last year - the lady on the trade stand asked me where he was.......once you meet him he's not easily forgotten :)
     
    Jack E likes this.
  10. Jack E

    Jack E Well-Known Member

    EL - Yeeesss . . . I've met some children like that . . . like my old boss's daughter; she was 8 going on 94, and looked after her dad as though she was his gran, and he was a wayward four year old . . . patient, but implacable . . .
     
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  11. Jack E

    Jack E Well-Known Member

    And another from the father of four small daughters . . .

    upload_2018-5-11_10-56-40.png
    :D